Make me remember (to forget)

Chapter 8

Logan

It shouldn't have bothered me that she didn't want me to tag along. Why? I can think of a gazillion reasons why.

First, it's not like we're friends or something. 

We're not. 

She has made it clear that she doesn't want me here. Although Adam has been nice and everything, I'm not dumb. I know that he wants me out of here too which is why he asked me to get a job in the first place: to convince Jade that I'm getting my shit together so she can ship me back as soon as possible.

And it's not like I want to stay here either. Sure, it's not as awful as I expected, but my life is still in New York City, in the heart of Manhattan. Being here is literally like taking a break from my own life. 

I miss the noise, the people, the buildings, and yes, even the humid weather. I miss the parties, the drinking and having sex. So much sex.

But mostly... I miss belonging somewhere. I can never really belong here. Adam and Emily have their own thing, and I'll admit, I'm a little bit jealous. They both have each other. It's clear how much they care for one another. They have dinner every night together, on the same table. That concept is still strikingly foreign to me. I've always had dinner alone either while playing some video games or while driving to some party.

They go hiking together, and do random things like vinyl nights at midnight on Thursdays. They even call each other to talk about how their day went for God's sake.

And that's kind of nice. 

Sure, I have Mar in New York, but things are different with Mar. I don't know how to explain it but I think of Mar as a... gazelle. 

Yes, gazelle. You read that correctly. 

She's meant to roam wild and free in life, from city to city, from show to show. She's always on a plane somewhere. And don't get me wrong, I love that for her. I've always been attracted to powerful, independent women.

But with her career, it's impossible for us to establish a routine: to have dinner together or talk on the phone for an hour. And this is why I've always felt dispensable to her. Even though we've been together for four years.

I take a deep breath but the clench in my stomach won't go away. I feel like shit. Fuck, I could seriously use a drink right now. Or ten.

My thoughts are interrupted by a knock on my bedroom door. It's probably Adam wanting to scold me for thinking about getting a drink. 

"Come in."

The door opens slightly and it's Em. Her dark brown hair is pulled up in a messy bun and she's wearing her reading glasses. Fuck, she looks insanely gorgeous. Reading glasses are fucking hot and anyone who says otherwise is basic. 

I gulp, remembering her hesitation earlier when I asked what they were doing.

She stands there for a second, just looking at me. My heart clenches tightly at our eye contact. Her eyes are the deepest shade of chocolate brown. God, I hate how gorgeous she is. Especially when she's looking at me like she can see right through my soul. My throat is way too tight to form any words.

Her chest rises as she takes a deep breath. "Adam and I are having a stargazing night in the backyard if you want to join us."

I raise my eyebrows at her. "You don't need to include me in everything you guys do." Although that would be nice, it'd make the homesickness a bit easier to bear. 

She rolls her eyes. "I know. My offer expires in five seconds. Also, bring with you the vodka that you brought today during lunch break." 

Is it bad that I find her cheekiness extremely hot?