My Ikemen Sengoku Stories

River Flows In You

All light had drained from the world the moment he had left her side. Even for a short time when they would part, the world would become very dark to him. Every step he took felt like falling into an abyss with no way out until he would get to see her again, she was the hopeful light to his black filled days. Suddenly upon seeing her smiling face it no longer felt like he was getting pulled further and further into that gloomy abyss. There was a bright sun now above him and he reached to grab hold of it every time she was near.

If only she were still here, in his arms where he knew she didn't belong but where he wanted her to be despite that

There were no more bright days for him and there never would be again, sometimes he could swear he could hear her but she was gone and she was never coming back. On those occasions the fact that he would never again hear her sweet voice tinkling in his ear, feel her smooth skin underneath his hands, see her bright smile that rivalled the prettiest flower, it would suffocate him, the pain being too much to bear that he found it hard to breathe

He remembers his promise to her before the world had cruelly robbed her from him. The promise to not descend into that darkness and to find someway to hold onto the light when she was no longer with him. He knows he promised her this in her final moment but it was so hard, how could he ever see light again when she was his light.

No one could bear to speak to him, just one look at him would make them feel so crushed under his grief. He spent as much time alone as he could, undistracted, trying to burn every aspect of her, every smile, every word into his memory so he could never forget her. 

The dreams were so real, dreams where she was still with him and when he would wake, the crushing reality that she wasn't here would cause tears to silently flow down his cheeks. Sleeping alone was torment, he had done so in the past but now knowing what he was missing made it impossible to sleep

Many of his nights were spent sitting by her resting place and imagining that instead of a hard and cold stone, it was actually her smiling sweetly back at him. That innocent smile that was so undefeatable that he used to think it was amaranthine. He could not allow himself to think of the future that could have been, the visions were too heartbreaking

Sometimes he could still see her prancing about the halls, he'd walk up and reach out his hand, only for it to fall through the air. People would watch on with tears in their eyes but would never approach. 

Perhaps she had disappeared from this world because she had gotten involved with him, some cruel fate put in place by the almighty who didn't deem him worthy of her for all the lives he had taken. Maybe just maybe she really was an angel and had simply gone back to where she had always belonged

As the years went on the pain he felt over her absence never subsided. It felt like her existence was slowly being erased but he didn't want to let her go, not ever. Others moved on with their lives but he was still stuck in the past. To him, the moment he stopped thinking about her would be the moment he would lose her forever. 

This is how he spent the rest of his life, though if she was no longer with him could he really call this 'living'. The only thing tethering him to this life was the promise he had made with her during her last moments, he had failed miserably to uphold it but he would wait to see her again. He hoped that the day would not be too far off.