36. Still Something Left

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Reality

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Reality. The state of things as they actually exist.

My reality? A tailspin of utter confusion and a tug of war between the heart and the need to do what's best for everyone, for my family. When I walked away from my life in New York, my reality was dark. I failed. I entered a marriage, a promise of forever that I broke. I don't know if it can be considered an escape route for something better, a move of bravery for choosing to get out, or simply a misplacement of trust, a lapse in judgement. I chose Vince. I chose that life. Is it fair to take it away from Mia because of my mistakes? I still don't know.

These last two days have gone smoother than I would have predicted. The restaurant has been extremely busy, just as Trina had warned, which has kept me away from the house for the most part. The bright side of that is I haven't spent a whole lot of time with Vince. The down side? I haven't spent a lot of time with Mia either.

Coming home from a long shift at work last night and having dinner ready on the table was a shock. Apparently, Vince and Mia spent the better half of the afternoon shopping, preparing, and cooking a full blown meal. I can't even remember the last time I've ever seen him cook. The best part? He had water with dinner. I'm not saying he's changed. There was definitely alcohol on his breath at Mia's party, but the current reality is that he is trying. At least that much is evident.

Today, I accepted a double shift. With Vince being here, I figured him and Mia could focus on more time with just the two of them. Plus, the added money really is helpful right now.

Since I was gone all day, he decided to take her to the aquarium. I have received about ten pictures throughout the day. One of them in front of the large fish tank at the entrance, a few throughout the various habitats, and one of the two of them sitting at a table out by the ocean. Mia had an incredibly infectious smile on her face as ice cream surrounded her mouth, while Vince had a glisten in his eye, attempting to snap a selfie. They were both happy. Something I haven't seen in a long time.

I'm glad they have had this time alone together. I know Mia had been missing her dad, and I know what he brings to her life. It's the very thing I fear I've taken from her. But now, I'm on my way home to spend the evening with them both.

When Vince first arrived, he promised me he had a hotel room. It's not that he was lying, he did have a room. One that was only booked for two nights. His excuse was that he booked too late and with the holidays, nothing else was available. I don't know how much truth there is to that, but regardless, I wasn't about to make him stay in his rental car. I did at least make sure he sleeps on the couch. He agreed way too easily, his calm demeanor still throwing me for a loop.

In all actuality, he's been eerily similar to the man I fell in love with all of those years ago. I'm used to seeing glimpses of that man here and there, between the storms, but never this consistent. Never this out in the open. It's usually only in a phrase or a small passing moment. But this? Making dinners, spending the day with Mia, sending me pictures and various texts throughout my shift, this is walking in that dangerous lane of making me question things. Making me wonder if what I'm doing is still the right thing. All I have ever wanted was to do right by Mia. To provide her a safe, loving home. If Vince can be that, if he can truly change, don't I owe it to Mia to try?

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