Electric Box |h.s|

Chapter 17

The Only By Sasha Alex Sloan

Ruby

Lonely.

Being alone is good, but being lonely is the worst.

It creeps up on me sometimes, especially on this rainy Friday morning in bed, it got me good today.

You never realize how lonely you are, until it's the end of the day, and you got a bunch of things to talk about, and no one to talk to.

I know you're probably thinking, well what about Greyson, or Bella and Violet. Believe me, I do talk to them, but I don't with Greyson he's just 5 he doesn't understand about life yet, but of course, I talk to him about school and other things, I love my best friends but it's different, it's not like when you're in a relationship. I want to come home to someone, picking up my son from school, and not see anyone else home sucks for me. I wanna put a brave smile on my face for Greyson and my friends, but it's hard sometimes.

I not asking for a marriage, but if I do find someone, and it is serious we could possibly live together. I wanna be in a relationship where, they kiss me good morning, after a long hard day at work, give me a big hug, when I come home with Greyson from school or the other way around, get good morning and night kisses. Tell me they love me every second of the day, okay, probably not every second of the day but you get the point. I would love to Cuddle in bed, talk about our day together, watch movies, and watch the stars at night with a glass of wine, make school lunch and breakfast for Greyson when he's going to school. Love me and my son unconditionally no matter what. I want someone who can make me laugh, smile, make me feel safe to be around. Make love to me all night long, and tell me I'm beautiful in every way, even though I don't feel like it.

That's not too much to ask for, right?

The sad thing is, I'm never gonna get that.

I love and adore being a mother. It's the greatest gift I've ever been given, but it's sometimes tiring. If I ever am in a relationship again, you can't only care about us, you have to care about my son too, take it or leave it.

Even though it wasn't planned, I saw myself having a kid someday, having Greyson changed my life, he's my whole world, I never thought I would love someone this much, I'm so thankful I get to be his mommy.

It's so hard being a single mother, especially when you wanna date. No one wants to date someone with a child, it's probably too much responsibility for them, but seriously, how can you not wanna know Greyson. He's the most kindest, sweetest, kid there is, and I'm not just saying that because he's my son. He's truly one of a kind, there's no one like him.

The last time I been on a date was maybe 4 months ago, when I told him I had a 5-year-old son, the date was over before it even started, it crushed me. Maybe I shouldn't have said that to him, but I have to just in case we ever got serious.

Violet was gonna track him down and beat the living shit out of him, but I made sure that didn't happen, because it's true, no one wants to be with me, no one wants to have responsibilities for someone else.

But I am ready to date again now, I am. There's just one problem, I haven't met him yet.

Will I ever meet my guy?

Will someone wanna date a single mother?

Will I ever get those morning and night kisses?

Will I ever be unconditionally loved?

Probably not.

And is that okay?

Honestly, I don't know, I ask myself the same question every day.