Chatter by the Clear Lakes

To Love Foolishly (Lan Qiren x Wen Ruohan)

Just like his brother and nephew, Lan Qiren once loved someone who brought nothing but trouble.

Pairing: Lan Qiren x Wen Ruohan

Notes: Set after canon timeline.
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It had not been more than one month in Lan Qiren's self seclusion. His oldest nephew ended his own a few months ago. Lan Xichen slowly regained a bit of his normal self in those few months. The affairs of the sect that were once handled by him and his youngest nephew were now transferred into Lan Xichen's guidance.

With matters finally settling into where they once were, Lan Qiren thought that it was time for him to take a break and find peace after all that happened.

"I will enter seclusion for half a year. I believe you will be able to handle things by yourself now, Xichen" was what he told his nephew when they sat together for afternoon tea.

Lan Xichen looked at him in confusion and asked for a reason. He gave his nephew a simple answer; that he wants time to rest.

The soft fabric of his bed provided him relief from his aching back. He didn't spend much time in his personal quarters compared to those outside of Gusu. Rise at five, sleep by nine.

Right now, there was no need for him to hastily get ready in the morning and prepare the lessons for the disciples. The sunlight streamed through his window and complimented the steaming bowl of herbal congee and light tea on the table. He was dressed in his inner robes. The light breeze that entered his room helped calm his body, and his light attire allowed the wind to flow through the fabric freely.

The silence was comforting. The sound of rustling leaves and the gentle breeze was relaxing to hear. When was the last time he felt at peace?

The image of a loud young individual wearing robes of black and red came into mind. Their grin as bright as the sun, and a laugh so loud and boisterous that it reminded him of his old classmate. A sigh left his lips. Honestly, he will never understand why his nephew chose Wei Wuxian out of all people to marry. Is his family truly fated to love foolishly? Even his oldest nephew wholeheartedly placed his trust on a criminal. A now dead criminal that costed him his sworn brother and his happiness.

Even after all that Lan Qiren had done to prevent his nephews from walking down the same path as their father, they still managed to fall in love with the worse possible person in their life.

And yet, Lan Qiren himself was not an exception.

He remembered the time when he loved a person feared by every cultivator of his time, rightfully so. A man with the air of a tyrant, full of arrogance and apathy. Wen Ruohan was feared amongst their generation. When the man was sent to Cloud Recesses to study when they were only teenagers, he set his sights on a once youthful Lan Qiren.

"You"

Lan Qiren lifted his eyes from his book to see a young man his age stand by the entrance of the Library Pavilion. "May I help you, Young Master Wen?"

Wen Ruohan hummed and snatched the book from his hands with a mischievous grin plastered on his face. "You're cute. Go on a date with me"

The blatant show of disrespect and lack of shame infuriated him. "Thank you for the compliment, Young Master Wen" He looked up at the man and returned that cocky smile with a glare. "Unfortunately, I cannot accept your proposal"

Most times, he tells himself that refusing all of Wen Ruohan's advances was the right thing to do. To be entangled with an unruly and tyrannical man was absurd. When he was a teenager, he felt relieved that Wen Ruohan returned to his sect without his hand. No scandalous rendezvous happened between them and he was glad that was the case. His older brother felt sympathetic that he had to deal with a person like Wen Ruohan.

And yet, there were times he regretted not returning the affection. His smile, although arrogant, was sincere when he pursued him. The sound of his name on the man's lips never failed to make his chest tighten. The rough touch of his hand was suprisingly gentle when it came to Lan Qiren. Wen Ruohan never failed to offer his assistance to him in carrying the scrolls to the Library Pavilion everyday. Assistance that he at most times rejected.

Maybe he did love foolishly.

After Wen Ruohan's death, his mind came up with the most outrageous thoughts that could even give his older brother a shock. One in particular, still haunts him to this day.

What if Lan Qiren returned his affections back then? To look at Wen Ruohan with eyes full of adoration and give in to the man's romantic advances. Would that mean Wen Ruohan wouldn't have been lead astray? Could he have spared the lives of thousands of innocent people, had he been there by his side?

The memories of his precious disciples that once blossomed under his care, dead on the battlefield. Those same thoughts would tell him that he could have prevented all of this. That he could have been in the arms of the man he loved, and no one had to suffer under his rule. Had Lan Qiren just said yes then maybe...

"Do not blame yourself" The paper thin silence in the room was cut by his own voice.

"Lan Qiren"

"Wen Ruohan"

It was nearing the hour of nine in his bedroom. How did an outsider enter the sect undetected?

"My son caused you trouble, didn't he?"

Lan Qiren glared at him from across the room. "He's as devious as his father"

For once in Lan Qiren's life, Wen Ruohan smiled such a sad smile. He blinked, and that smile was no longer there.

"I missed you"

His breathing stopped and he glared harder at his intruder. "Do not play games with me, Wen Ruohan"

"How cruel. Do you really think I don't speak from my heart?"

The sun was setting. And the bright morning rays that streamed through his windows were now replaced by the faint light of the moon. He stood up from his place by the window and bent down beside his bed to retrieve a small dusty wooden box underneath. The stack of letters from Wen Ruohan were still there.

"I love you, Qiren. I really do"

He did not request for self seclusion just to rest.

Behind closed doors, his cries will never be heard. The tears that escape his eyes were meant for only one person. Sect affairs, war, his role as family...Lan Qiren never had time to mourn. After years of caging his heart, he can finally open himself to feel vulnerable.

If only he had done the same in the past.

"Ruohan...I love you too. I'm sorry"