Chatter by the Clear Lakes

Wife Requirements

Wei Wuxian struggles to find a suitable wife for his brother.

Notes: Everybody is alive, Wei Wuxian is not a demonic cultivator, and the Wen Clan isn't planning world domination, but they're still shitty, and the blacklisting happened earlier.

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Candidate #1: The Head Shaker

Nie huaisang sat stiffly as his friend not so obviously scrutinized him from across the table. "Wei-xiong..."

"Huh....I mean if you look closer, with the right makeup and clothes you'd definitely pass off as a girl"

Nie Huaisang spit out his tea, face turning a shade of red. "Wei-xiong!"

Wei Wuxian hummed, stroking his nonexistent beard. "Say, how's your cultivation going?"

Nie Huaisang looked at him quizzically. "Slow...as ever?"

"Naturally beautiful, cultivation not too high, comes from a respected family, personality not too strong..."

"Wei-xiong...?"

Wei Wuxian continued. "Not too talkative, voice not too loud..."

"Uh..."

He slammed his hands on the table with a grin. "We're going to Lotus Pier right now, Huaisang!"

"You forgot graceful..." Jiang Cheng crossed his arms and regarded Nie Huaisang's fidgety expression. "...obedient and hardworking..."

"Huaisang! How many times have I told you to practice your sword forms?!" Nie Mingjue scolded. "Put down that brush and come back to the training grounds!"

"...and thrifty"

Wei Wuxian thought back to Nie Huaisang's expensive fan collection. "...fuck"

Jiang Cheng shook his head. "Sorry that you got pulled into this, Huaisang"

Nie Huaisang laughed nervously. "It's alright, I know how you are struggling because of the...recent blacklisting"

Jiang Cheng sighed.

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Candidate #2: Most Eligible Bachelor

"So~" Wei Wuxian grinned as he introduced Lan Xichen to his brother. "Naturally beautiful, graceful, obedient, hardworking..."

Jiang Cheng looked at his brother blankly.

"...thrifty, comes from a respected family, personality not too strong, voice not too loud, and not too talkative!" Wei Wuxian finished with a pat to Lan Xichen's shoulder.

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

"..."

Jiang Cheng sighed. "Cultivation not too high"

Lan Xichen chuckled. "Young Master Wei and Young Master Jiang flatter me"

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Candidate #3: Famous Doctor

"Hear me out on this!"

"Wei Wuxian! You dragged me all the way from my village to Lotus Pier for this nonsense?!" Wen Qing glared at Wei Wuxian and stood up from the table.

"Qing-jie please!"

Wen Qing sneered before turning her head to Jiang Cheng. "My apologies for taking up your time, Young Master Jiang"

Jiang Cheng nodded back. "Have a safe trip" He sighed and turned to Wei Wuxian after Wen Qing left the room. "You missed two requirements"

Wei Wuxian huffed. "Look, the Wen Cla--wait two?"

"Personality not too strong"

"Oh..."