Secretive - Bucky Barnes

17 || Shards

[James]
»And then, Steve showed me the rest of the tower. There's a room with more high-tech than probably at ten cockpits at once, and then, there is this huge training room with so much stuff, just weapons like knives, shields, pistols – I guess, I saw an axe too, and so many machines they have in gyms. It's like entering a world for their own when one walks into the Tower.« Nova's eyes shine caramel in the dim light, and I think her asian noodles I brought are cold by now. »Tony Stark is such a charming guy. I mean, yes, he is boastful at times, but the narcissism does its wrapping-around-a-finger perfectly. And oh, my God, did I mention what a beautiful soul Wanda has? We agreed to go shopping some time. I mean, after the entire internship.«

She tells me nothing I am not aware of already. The tower became my second home for a long time now, and I know the crew better than a lot of other people. That Steve is polite, or Wanda innocent, is nothing that surprises me. »Seems like a wonderful first day to me.« I answer, though I am not that excited about her interfering in the dangerous part of my life that much. Nova is my safe haven, like the one they desperately search in Mazerunner, the life I have as James, and not as an ex-assassin who has more lives on his conscience than countable.

She is so innocent, she believes in so much goodness and whenever I look at her, I see the purity of a big heart and a life that is actually worth living. I do not want her to see all what she has built around her is nothing but a fairy-tale illusion. I do not want her to lose her smile, not since she was the first to bring mine back after decades. I would give my everything to protect her, and to keep her mine, to keep that smile.

»It was, indeed.« She brings the spoon to her mouth, her cheeks filling with a big load of noodles. Her brown hair seems to flame on its frame due to the warm light from the lamp behind her, reminding me of the beauty of Hera joining the Greeks in the War against the Trojans on a battlefield in sunset. »At first, I'd thought it all would be boring and I don't know, probably that every single one of them was arrogant, but it is absolutely not like that. For example, Steve told me of his best friend Bucky like he would give his life in every of his living seconds for him.«

I almost choke on my noodles. Feeling my head redden, I cough to get the slices that went down my trachea out of there. Nova bends forward to gently but hard enough clap my back, trying to support me by not dying.

It is true, though; Steve proved his loyalty often enough to me, and I am more than grateful for that. I could not imagine a life without him, either, and give as much. Although he knows nothing of Nova.

It all started long before her. I never tried to bring home a girl seriously, maybe now and then just hooked up with someone on parties, but that was it. Steve always has been so curious about it, about me finally getting someone on my side other than him and have a different relationship with, someone I would let in close. He even tried to set me up multiple times, but something always did feel wrong. If I surprisingly met with a girl, it was only once.

But that had changed when I caught glimpse of Nova. The way this beautiful girl would run to her car when she was late, walk along the streets with a tower of books balancing in her delicate hands, or her sweet laugh when she was with that dark-skinned friend of hers I now know as Sam. The way her glance would trail off into another universe so often. It took me everything to finally get the courage to speak to her in that café, took me every bit of confidence. What would I do if she knew me and disgusted me for what I am? What would I do if she was afraid of me, or uncomfortable? Would I really survive it mentally, knowing such a lovely girl was running away from me for what I was? It was hard enough to look in the mirror back then, I did not need any more shame.

Nonetheless, the longing never stopped, just increased with every time I saw the art of her high cheekbones, a face so beautiful it would make poets cry desperately because it is not to put into words.