Secretive - Bucky Barnes

10 || Changes

»Eh, hello, Doctor Raynor. What are you-« I greet, the door still opened mere a gap, my free hand driving through my brown locks, »What are you doing here? Is everything alright?«

She blinks, then smiles politely as if taking a second to comprehend the situation before knowing how to deal with it. And with situation, I mean myself. »I've just been around the corner, and reminded you excusing yourself with sickness. I thought paying you a visit, looking how you're doing.«

I cock an eyebrow at her, tilting my head slightly while scrutinizing her small frame from head to toe. This does not seem alike her at all. And I hate to be impolite, even if it only is the slightest, but I cannot let her in. Cannot let her see her. If she saw Nova, she would know how big of a deal she has been through. She would know I was in a relationship and lied to her about the amount of people that meant something to me in my life over and over again. Would erase every single progress we made to know, because it all would have been declared as built upon a lie.

And she would probably cause a psychological, governmental intrusion for they want to have a hand on Nova the second they know about her whereabouts. They would want to secure her, take her with them, make sure there was no influence of Hydra's inside her, no trigger like there was in me, no bad intentions or brainwashing. They probably would run tests with her ability and make her an object of their studies. 

No, I cannot let Doctor Raynor in. She would not understand, and one accident a day is way too much already. I cannot risk her also getting a sight of Nova, not only Sam. »Better, I guess. Not entirely good, but better.«

»May I come in?« she asks, as if reading my mind and deciding to turn against it, folding her wrinkly hands politely in front of her torso. Unbelievable she once has been a soldier, too, but then, one should never underestimate the strength of a woman.

»It's, uh, it's not a good time.« I respond, maybe a little too fast, with a twisted smile, voice slightly broken. »I'll try to make it tomorrow, but I can't tell certainly. I'm going to text you. Thanks for passing by.« And with a nod of goodbye, I close the door in her front, hoping I have not been all too rude towards her. But then again; why would she come here? Especially, when therapists are not allowed to develop a personal relationship to their patients, no matter the kind? Well, she surely has not been here for business. Usually, we simply skip therapy day when I am sick, and this seems like nothing else. Not that I could get sick. Wow, Barnes. You really should have thought about this beforehand.

In fact, I do not go there the next day. I still cannot risk it; the longer days go by, the more probable it is for Nova to wake up, to get on her feet and surprise me with her consciousness. I need to be here, just in case. Meaning, I pass the next days in solitude.

Then and now, Yelena would text me about whatever was in her head; mostly asking how I am, smalltalk at first, then some deeper topics, some really interesting, actually, going into the direction of religion, of love being both curse and blessing, the definition of freedom. We actually talk a lot, with her calling me twice during the next week and both times three hours pass like five minutes. I get the feeling she tries seeing behind the façade, tries understanding and reasoning with me as she would with anybody else, and I have to confess I genuinely like it. She distracts me from the pain Nova's mere, vulnerable sight evokes in me, although I never leave the bedroom, never leave my watch over her. 

Yelena, too, tries flirting with me at times. I am no fool; I certainly can tell a person's intention in the way their voice changes from usually filled to gentle, from a little rougher to almost silk like. I can hear the rhythm of their breath, can hear the laughter of heart. Admittedly, mostly due to the Super Soldier training at Hydra's, but still.