Secretive - Bucky Barnes

7 || Flashlight

I cannot tell anyone about Loki's visit. And with anyone, I mean Sam. It is not like I there were further people I could talk to.

But where did he come from? How could he possibly have known I was in danger? How did I get into danger? Usually, my Super Soldier skills are way too reliable, way too exact to let anyone get close without me knowing. I can hear them sneaking in from thirty meters and seven corners away, can smell them almost from as far, can sense them, sense possible dangers from a mile away, normally. How could this man possibly slip my guard?

I must have got way too caught up in my thoughts. Must have been way too distracted, way too imprisoned in my own mind to a point where there is no open window left to let anything from the outside in. No sound, no tingle, no information from my environment must have been able to cross the barrier of my head, reaching my conscience.

Nova's absence is officially starting to play games with my mental health, and I do not like it. Never in the history of mine has it happened once that someone escaped my watch; not as a soldier back in the forties, not as The Winter Soldier working and assassinating for Hydra, not as White Wolf – a title the Wakandan People gave me - keeping my physics up, certainly not when she was around before Thanos. No, never has it ever happened that someone caught me off-guard, not just like seconds ago.

It is time for my love to come back, can she not feel it, too? I never thought I would actually say, well, think that, buf if it were not for Loki, I would be dead. And he even forbade me to thank him. 

Where did he know from I was right here? And what interest could he probably have in rescuing my life? Visibly, he got nothing out of it. No benefit, no advantage, nothing. He even has been annoyed, like a servant to an ignorant and arrogant Prince; when said Prince would have called for the twentieth time to pick up a single grape from the branch and let it be thrown right into his mouth, so he must not move a single muscle but the ones in his face for talking.

Plus, Loki and I never had the slightest bit of contact. Not even a dialogue, nothing. We certainly are not friends; moreover, I think we are not even counting as two people acquainted.

And, for what it is worth, I thought both him and I had no interest in changing this kind of 'relationship' when he still lived; I thought it impossible to change it after he died with Tony and Natasha and Vision in war. But the last argument does not really count anyways; from what I know of the God of Mischief from his brother Thor, he is coming back from the dead every single time, like herpes.

It just does not sum up. Why would he do such a thing for me? One Super Soldier more or less on this planet, what difference does it make when he is not even able to get his mind clear? 

Or he did not do it for me at all.

Yes, I saw him. What he told me or not is none of your business.

Could this possibly be? Her doing? Or am I drawing the line too long? A deal's a deal. What, if Loki has really not told her a thing when they met before her arrival? What if they made some strange type of promise instead of an exchange of information?

No, I am not able to imagine this. Not in the farthest future. Why would Nova ever team up with that God? And why would she use whatever she possibly could have gotten from a deal with someone alike to save me? This makes no sense. This is the romantic part of me daydreaming. 

Maybe Loki just was around and was not in the mood to let another person die, not after all the heroes the world already lost. Although, I probably rather would be a load taken away than a load given when I suddenly passed away.

Maybe destiny just does not want me to die, and this was not Loki after all. Maybe I am just hallucinating and whoever pulls my strings is laughing their ass off. God, this world really has to hate me.