Secretive - Bucky Barnes

23 || Golden Flames

[Nova]
He blinks several times in confusion, the shadows of his long lashes swinging along his pale cheeks. But quite the gentleman, he does not interrupt me. »I will get myself information about the human brain and its parts; which section is responsible for what movement, or the hold of which memory, and so on. I got a little already thanks to my studies, and I will need a couple of days before we start, but when I am ready, I need you to tell me. To tell me everything. Everything you can remember, re-feel. I need to know every uncensored detail of your life, from childhood memories to the War to your time at Hydra's, to your kills and your ever-growing friendship with Steve's and literally everything in your entire life.« Now, it is his Adam's apple that is moving in a huge motion, and the vein on his neck reveals his quickened pulse. I really must intimidate, terrify him now.

But there is no other way. I did the maths, the philosophy, the reasonable and even the unreasonable solutions. No other thing could work. I am fully aware he will feel uncomfortable, and I am fully aware this is against his nature with him being so secretive about everything and anything happening to him, at least concerning the depths of his soul, but we have to go through this to stand a chance against the monster Hydra built in his head so many years ago. »With everything, I mean everything. Also, an intelligence test, your handwork skills, just- everything, so I can draw a map of your brain, and localize the trigger.«

Taking a pause to let it sink in, one of my hands move into the pocket of my hoodie's pocket to pull out a branch I got from outside without anyone's knowing, placing it onto the desk to my left, right behind his gloves. »It is really, I mean, really important that I can localize it on an area on molecular basis, or otherwise, I could hurt you immensely. From becoming handicapped over certain death, the range is wide. I would suggest cutting the part of your brain out, but that is impossible. From current researches, the place of the trigger is nowhere near anything reachable by doctors. And I can assure you, I looked in hope to find something.«

He balances his weight forward, hand stroking his cleanly shaven chin. »So, I want to burn the trigger out of your brain. You have advanced healing just as I do, maybe not as good but certainly it is there, so I hope there won't be any problem regarding the surrounding area.«

With a long pause, I declare my idea as fully presented. He blinks very, very slowly, and I give him all the time he needs to wrap his mind around my idea. In the end, this is all about him. And his well-being. But it is dangerous. Very dangerous.

»You want to.. burn it?« he then asks raspy, eyes flicking over to the branch on his desk like knowing this is what I took it out for.

Now, another part I feared comes to take place. But I need to get through with it. I need to show him I am dead-serious. Plus, there is no one else I could talk to about what happened, and no one else I wanted to know. Reminding myself he never let out a word about me that has been secretively protected by myself, even without me needing to tell him, I take a deep breath, before I nod. »And I want you to know that I am honest about it, and that – whatever has happened between us – your secrets are safe with me. I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to, never. Proving just that, I'll give you a head-start. Being the first and only one to get to know what I have been through the last weeks, and why I have been gone in the first place.« My eyes lock with his, an indescribable bond in between them, stretched to the thinnest part. I know I am walking on the knife's blade with my plan, but it is everything I could come up with that could - could - work.

»Nova, stop. I don't want to know. I mean, I want to, but I don't want you to feel forced to do it. I want you to tell me because you wanna tell me, not because you feel the need to prove something. I believe you without any more words of yours.«