Secretive - Bucky Barnes

1 || Day Five

I thought the first few days were bad. Bad in the annoying way, the kind that makes you roll your eyes over and over again and just wanting to quit walking wherever they lead you. It is like repeating the same content for an exam you know you will pass, but you do it anyways just so you do not have a bad conscience in the end.

Until day Five. Day Five is something else entirely. Of all the torture, that exact day may be the one that has been most awful. Because it has been the day introducing me to who I really am.

The first couple of hours I was in Hydra's capture, I was commanded to simply stand in the corner of Schmidt's office and do nothing but wait in utter silence. Turned out they did not actually plan on getting me; did not think about my love for James being intense enough to sacrifice a whole planet and join them willingly. Bad for them, it is. And probably, bad for Earth's population.

But I could not possibly decide otherwise. I just could not. Seeing James there, pleading for death and knowing I am the only one who could end his misery. End his begging, knocking on Lucifer's door. It has been heart shattering, mind tearing. I could not concentrate anymore; I am sure by now, if someone had decided to knock me out, they could have. I had eyes for nothing else than my beautiful dark angel kneeing in front of Hydra's leader, directed by his own mind for once, and beseeching him to pull the trigger.

People can call me weak all they like. Hydra found my soft spot and perfectly knew how to use it against me.

These first hours were agonizing. I could only get a glance of James being dragged out by Steve, his lifeless body dangling on the blonde's hands like a potato sack. My heart contracted so unpleasantly it started affecting my lungs; suddenly, I felt like I could not breathe, but badly needed to.

No, I certainly decided right. James deserves a life. A good life. A life without terror and fear and violence. He has always deserved it.

So, I will fall in line. I will not step aside. I will not let them burst his head and smear is brain on the walls around him. I will not be responsible for the death of the love of my life. And if I have to kill seven billion people for it, so it shall be.

Then, the next days, they run tests with me. First one was medical; they put me on a treadmill taking data of my pulse, the rhythm of my in- and exhales. Blood samples, urine and solid feces samples. Took a strand of my hair, flakes and scales of my skin. They even tried to take a splinter of my bones by cutting my thigh open and creating a gap; the only problem with that was that my bones actually are made of something shimmering like gold but hard like diamond, so they did not really get anything to run tests with from that. 

I must admit I had expected more degrading, especially after James's stories about his time with the organization, but they did not show any sign of violence these early days. I soon figured this only has been because I always did what I was told like a puppy, but for the first hundreds of hours, it seemed fine, relatively spoken.

They kept me there in this same station they captured me, and made me clean the hall we fought in completely on my own, burning the bodies in the first night. All I got in reward was some terrible excuse of a meal the next morning, my first anyhow, containing merely bread, a cup of water and a banana. I feared they poisoned it or put some absurd kind of truth serum or whatever else I could imagine in it, so I did not eat it. In general, I did neither eat nor drink during the first month, until there was no other chance to survive.

The following days contained training, mainly. And their kind of training translates to Looking how far they can get with me. It cost them pretty much everyone they had to try and kill me. One to one, one to five, one to thirty. Nothing seemed all too problematic for me, much to Schmidt's pleasure. Although I lost a bit of my soul with every single one I sent up into the sky through the concrete ceiling that is stretching all over the place.