Secretive - Bucky Barnes

6 || A Deal's a Deal

- Remember that there are lines in here directly taken from the series that do not belong to me -

»So, how's it been? Haven't seen you all day.« Sam grins, strolling into my apartment. He wears a dark grey shirt and blue jeans today, placing the two plastic bags with Chinese letters on my kitchen counter. »Yelena's a catch, isn't she?«

Throwing my head into my neck, leaning it on the back of the wall, I sigh. I never decided it necessary to have a couch; usually, I am walking through the city on search for any information, getting to make people like Yuri feel better by spending time with them. There was a mission where I murdered his son, and the poor guy is all by himself ever since. I have not had the heart yet to tell him, not since I first laid my eyes on that grumpy old man when I nervously knocked at his door and he opened with an in annoyance contorted face, something like incense streaming out of his flat and stinging my sensible nose so much it nearly brought tears into my eyes. »Sam, I told you it's not gonna happen. Nova's alive somewhere out there, we just have to find her and rescue her. Instead of being so ignorant, you could give me a hand in that.«

It is his time now to shake his skull in disbelief, scoffing at my comment while getting forks and spoons out of my drawer. »Bucky, for real. You have to face the point that she probably really is dead. There's no sign of her for months.« He comes crossing the room, taking a seat next to me on the wooden floor opposite the TV. »Do you really think she wouldn't have come back already if she was still alive? We haven't heard of Hydra ever since; I think the blip really did cost them a lost. She probably could slip out.«

»Except,« I start, taking the first opportunity I get to stop this nonsense, »she still thinks they got their hands on me because nobody has been able to send the message that I am free in the past thirty-three months.« The last part is spoken through clenched teeth, voice hissing. I know it is wrong to reproach Sam, but I have to put the anger somewhere or it really starts gnawing on my organs.

»Did you talk to your therapist about her already? What does she tell you? She's the expert.«

Looking at him, I cock an eyebrow, not even trying to hide the who-do-you-think-I-am-smile. »Nobody gets to know a word about her. About her and me.«

»They even built her a grave, Bucky. A place to mourn for like Tony, Natasha. It may's not that pompous, may her funeral hasn't been as glorious as Steve's with all the military and jets, but you haven't been there once to pay her attention and let her remembrance be one in honor. Really, if she knew that, she'd turn around in her grave.«

»I'll definitely not stand in front of an empty hole knowing she is somewhere out there waiting to be found.«

Exhaling deeply, Sam opens his noodle box, its delicious smell almost making me drool. I have not eaten since yesterday evening when I flew back to New York with Yelena, and it is already afternoon the next day. »You know what? I don't wanna get too close to you, man. I'm not meaning to offend you. Honestly. But don't you think you cling a little too much onto your hope she is still living? I mean, c'mon. She's been a lot to deal with, that's true. But she's not unbeatable. Her death is not inevitable. You have to face the fact that there's the possibility of her really not being alive anymore. I'm not-«

»Sam« I interrupt him, warningly. Voice as stern as the wall building up inside to shield me, shield us. »Don't you think I haven't considered this? I did, but it's just not the truth. Hydra won't kill her, not as long as they can gain gold from her veins and since this isn't going to change, they will never kill her. Why needing to steal money or get it any other illegal way when there's the source right in your front? Plus, Nova is a trained assassin; best I've ever known. She killed over six-hundred people in her life or something; don't you think she's able to protect herself from the worst kind of harms? Did you forget about her quick healing, her intelligence, her fastness? I don't want you to ever mention her name and death in the same sentence again, or else, you know where to find the door.«