At this point, the Headcanons are summarized one-shots.
Pretending that there are animals in Nevada...
HANK
-Will say no even if you insist.No matter how much you bother him, the answer is no.
-With an exception though.
-What exception?
-If you specifically ask for a cat
-Oh he will happily give you a cat. He wants to own a cat too.
-So one night, coming home from work, he entered the door, his movement seemingly restrained on his right arm.
-oh he was SHAKING.
-"Y/n! "He yelled, sounded like he was about to scold.
-You obeyed either way and went to him.
-He knelt down to your level, revealing a tiny kitten in his hand.
-And inside his head he's going "Omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg"
-His attention to the cat fell onto you.
-Handing the kitten, He was even happier now seeing your expression.
-"Thank you Honk!"
SANFORD
-He agreed to a pet.
-He didn't agree without thinking though.
-You're a little kiddo who can barely look after themself, therefore, you won't be able to look after another living being.
-So Sanford thought of giving you something low budget, low maintenance. Easy to care for.
-He gives you a fish
-Ah man, boring ain't it?
-Nah it won't be I promise.
-Plus a pet fish and the fact he has a hook as a weapon is kinda aesthetic.
-He bought home a betta fish, one with your favorite color, in the most beautiful shade.
-To make things fun and interesting for you, Sanford asked you to help him decorate the fishbowl.
-And you ended up making a beautiful aqua-terrarium.
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-(Whoops the image is huge) Looks something like that but smaller, change it to your liking if you want.
-Being a child, you are fascinated, the first day of owning you just stared at it giddily. Head directly in front of the bowl, observing the fish swim.
-You carefully carry the bowl around, take it to where you are, anywhere, everywhere, every day.
-"Can I pet it?" "Y/n no" ... ...... "Y/N NO!"
DEIMOS
-This dude spoils you, Of course, he said yes to a pet.
-Just like Sanford, he didn't say yes without thinking.
-Low maintenance, Low budget, Same criteria as the hooker wanted, but he didn't forget that it should be cute.
-He gives you a guinea pig.
-Deimos handed it to you gently. Once the furry little thing was in your hand, he cupped your hands in his, restraining you gently to avoid you from squeezing the death out of it.
-"Careful Y/n"
-"It's not a stuffed toy."
-You play with it every day, play with it gently.
-You place the furball in your dollhouse/car/ lego building/ next to your toys.
-Or you just let it chill in the cage and play with it occasionally.
-One time he saw you fall asleep, with it next to your head, on the pillow.
-Deimos teaches you to change the beddings/clean the cage and feed it too.
AUDITOR
-Absolutely not
-He barely has the time to look after you. How much more of looking after you looking after something?
-Sorry kid, it's a no.
-As much as he wants to let you have one, he can't have another responsibility in his hands.
AGENCY -Ohhhhhhhhh. They're back!
-The employees have heard you whine and cry about not having a pet.
-No, they're not giving you a pet. The Auditor will kill them if they do.
-But what they do though is "Take your pet to work day"
-Once a week, every Friday.
-The highest-ranking Engineer thought of the idea. A loophole so you can technically have pets.
-Thanks to that you have experienced playing with a variety of dog breeds, cats, and other miscellaneous pets.
-One worker bought his cobra to work wtfff???
-That almost got them fired.
2BDAMNED
-He said no and that you can have one when you're older
-But your pestering annoyed him every day and Doc's had enough.
-"If I give you one, you PROMISE to let me work?" You: *puppy dog eyes*
-He decides to have a cockatoo/African grey parrot/ macaw.
-Why those?
-He doesn't want a useless pet. So he thought of having an intelligent bird to train.
-What for?
-Security
-He can have the birb make a noise when he sees a person near the base. He can have the birb look after you. If the bird sees you get near/ hold something you shouldn't it can snatch it from you and fly away. He can ask the bird to deliver emergency supplies and drop it like a drone.
-With how the bird can imitate sounds and noises, it will entertain you a lot. Also, those birds need constant attention, and you, being a kid, WILL be giving it constant attention.
-Doc could've had a dog, but a bird? That drops off supplies like a drone? That can spectate bases/buildings and give him a good view? That can be stealthy surveillance? That's way cooler!
-There was a moment Doc saw you singing with the bird. How cute.
-While tucking you in bed as you're in deep sleep... "I love you Y/n" Bird: I love you Y/n
and now the bird would say that every now and then. You never wondered how it learned that sentence though.
TRICKY
- Will be hesitant to give you a pet
-But will give you one anyway.
-What will the pet be?
-A stray dog. A big one.
-There's a high chance he might have stolen someone else's pet though and he doesn't know.
-But even if he finds out he has stolen it, he doesn't care. You have it now. You own it.
-This insane clown will teach the dog to attack whoever he wants.
-The doggo will end up being aggressive to strangers but friendly to you and Tricky.
-The dog is with you 24/7.
-"D0GG0 L00OK AFTER Y/N" * Bark * JEBUS
-Will say yes.
-He will get a dog.
-A german shepherd or rottweiler.
-Have you guessed it?
-What will Jebus do?
-Yep, turn that doggo into a guard dog.
-He has trained it to do so much stuff. Not just tricks like sit down or rollover.
-The doggo can recognize danger, attack strangers, swim, give CPR (yes dogs can do that.), strategically drag a body into a safe place, save a drowning person etc...
-You most probably own the smartest dog in Nevada.
-When you see Jebus and the dog together, side by side. Both of them give the same tough, badass, stern, John Wick aura.
PHOBOS
-Thanks to Phobos' god complex, you have learned about myths early.
-Where does that lead?
-You ask for a mythical creature for a pet.
-Oh the fact that it's a mythical creature won't stop Phobos. He will ask demand his researchers to make you one.
-"Make you one" minus the magical abilities.
-Unicorn? Got it Pegasus? Aight Dragon? Ehh... They'll do it. Perhaps downsize its size and abilities.
-Phobos will not just give you anything you want though. One pet. That's it no more.
-"It only makes sense that a God is surrounded by something that reaches its level."
-He will watch you play with your pet every now and then.
-Phobos is glad that he ordered his researchers to make you one because of that smile you have on your face.
