Spencer Reid | Oneshots

Not Your Backup ❤️ (PG)

Summary: Following JJ's confession, Spencer admits she's more like a sister to him. Spencer and JJ argue about JJ's unwarranted jealousy of his girlfriend.

Rating: PG (13+)

Content Warnings: Arguing, awkward situations, jealousy

A/N: Once again, comments rife with internalized misogyny will be deleted. I understand she's the villain in this fic, but there is no need to spew misogynistic stereotypes and hate.

——————————————————

I wasn't sure if it was the smell of disinfectant, the muffled sobbing behind curtains, or the soft humming of machines, but hospitals had almost always made me sick. Very few good moments of my life were associated with hospitals; the birth of my godson being the only one which came to mind.

Whatever the reason usually was, the sick feeling I felt today was amplified by the fact that during this visit to the hospital, I wasn't the one who needed help.

To add more complications to an already stressful experience, JJ had chosen that moment to pour her soul out to me... again. I couldn't blame her; she'd almost died and it was at least partially my fault.

Then again, when did I not feel that every unfortunate thing was my fault?

It didn't matter, because I needed to focus on what she was saying to me now. With each word of her second confession, now laced with far more detail and pain, I could feel the connection between us fracturing.

"I just want you to be happy," she said through the tears, and I could hear how deeply she meant the words. I desperately wanted it to be enough to mend this gaping hole between us. "I want us to be okay."

A lot had changed in the past few months leading up to this moment, and trying to recount them all was a dizzying experience, even for me. Despite our agreement not to profile each other, I felt the undying need to do it then.

Because the truth was, despite what she might think, JJ did not love me - not like that. This time last year, I might have taken her words at face value, perhaps been overjoyed at them. But certain key events in my life, recent ones, had taught me that I would have been wrong to do so.

I had felt the kind of love she claimed to feel for me now, and this was decidedly not it.

"We are okay."

I said the words because I felt them, even though the logical part of my brain was still picking over and analyzing every single word she'd chosen.

Because no matter how many times she broke my heart, or I apparently broke hers, she was a part of my life that I never wanted to lose.

I couldn't hate her, and I couldn't act like some part of me didn't idealize her in the same way. But that's what this was, for both of us; a perfect 'what if' scenario that provided an escape from reality.

Having come to terms with this realization as of late, I feared that if I didn't tell her my own full truth, we'd be stuck in this limbo forever.

"JJ, I love you, too," I started, wiping my nose in the hopes it might stop the tears gathering in my eyes. "But this... where we are right now? That's where we're meant to be."

She, on the other hand, didn't even try to stop her tears as she followed up with, "How can you know?"

I almost made a joke that it was the first time she'd ever questioned my sources, but I didn't. Reading the room instead, I just gave her the truth, although I left out the details of the person who had taught me most of it.