All I want is you - a Hot Chelle Rae fanfic

Chapter 35 - I have to get out

Bit of a short chapter guys, sorry :( And the next one is too. But after the next chapter, it's the last one :D Then a small surprise at the end ;) Please leave comments! I love you all, thanks for being on this journey with me! ♥

School was today. I’d been kept in hospital overnight, but it was decided that I’d be released today to go to school. I’d broken down last night, after seeing Ryan dragged out of the room screaming my name, and then to see Laura in tears about endangering my own life, it was all too much. I screamed, I tried to break things -- I was completely psychotic. But I’d begged to go to school today. I needed some normal in my life right now, and getting looks from people at school shouldn’t matter, right? It was attention… something Dr. Fey said I needed. I needed to put myself in the middle of attention to gain confidence, otherwise I wouldn’t last a week. I was fine before this incident, but after it something happened. I lost my self confidence -- before, it was there. I just had to dig around to find it. Now it was gone, completely lost and never to be found unless I tried extra hard. And Dr. Fey promised me that when I found it, I would be happy. And that was enough motivation for me to agree. To just be happy… It’s all I’ve ever wanted.
“Blair, are you sure you want to go today?” Mum said from the front seat of the car. I snapped out of my trance, thinking about happiness, to find myself staring out of the front window at the passing cars on the freeway. This was the only way home, as Maroe road was closed off. I thought it was quite impractical, because there were only two ways to get to the hospital from my home. What if someone I knew was bleeding to death and their parents took the wrong road? It added an extra ten minutes to the route; they could easily be dead by the time they got there. I shook my head and scolded myself for thinking such things, focusing on replying to mum.
“Yeah, I’m sure. I’ll be fine,” I assured her. She made a sound of false agreement.
“It’s been two days since-“
“Since I woke up, yes. Two weeks since I did it, everyone would have forgotten by now.”

*  *  *

Everyone hadn’t forgotten.

I walked in through the front doors, Cass glued to my side. I’d asked her to promise that she’d never leave my side, and she’d agreed. She’d also looked pretty traumatized when she saw me, as if seeing me alive was like seeing a zombie with rotting skin. Hopefully she was the only one who looked at me like that.
I earned stares from everyone I walked past. They seemed to think that whatever they were doing wasn’t as important as staring at Blair Everty, the girl who overdosed. I heard whispers as I held my chin high and walked through the hall, books huddled to my chest.
“Did you hear she overdosed? Was she even doing drugs?” A girl a year below me whispered.
“You dipshit, she tried to commit suicide, she had nothing to do with drugs before,” her friend whispered back hushly.
“Oh, well why’d she do it?”
“I dunno, something about her boyfriend.”
I shook my head and quickened my pace. That was one thing I didn’t need. Rumours. They seemed to be spreading like wildfire, and everywhere I turned, someone had a different story for my life. I was astonished that no one would confront me for answers, because I was the only one who knew any of the right ones by the look of it. It was a Monday, and I’d gotten my schedule in the mail for the new term. First up was maths, which was a horrible way to start the week. As if it isn’t already horrible enough, I thought glumly to myself.
“Woah, why are you walking so fast babe?” Cass gasped, exaggerating a little. I looked sideways at her.
“I just want to go to class,” I returned sweetly, plastering that fake smile on my face that I’ve had way too much practice on since my first day of high school.
“Fair enough, I wouldn’t want to be out here either. What’s everyone staring at? It’s rude.”
“Cass, don’t worry-“
“Hey! Look away before it’s the last thing you see, you twat!” She yelled at a guy leaning casually against his locker staring at me with a disgusted look on his face. I felt tears welling up into my eyes. Was this what the next year of high school would be? Looks of disgust and disappointment? Because if that was the case, I would rather have been left to die.
“Cass!” I hissed. The guy was staring at us now with complete guilt spread across his features. He was looking down at his feet, of which were inside purple Vans shoes. I remembered I was wearing my Vans today too, my maroon ones. The matched the light brown jeans and summer top I was wearing. My old self kicked in and I tried to comfort him, hating seeing someone upset.
“Don’t worry about it. Sorry she’s being so rude,” I smiled, nudging Cass playfully. He gave me a forced smile, although I could tell he knew I was faking my attitude.
“I’m being rude?” She looked angrily over at the guy. “Careful buddy.” And with that she grabbed my arm and walked off. I began to protest but she was dragging me away too quick. I managed to blurt out a quick ‘I’m sorry’ again with a sympathetic look on my face, but as we were walking down the hall and hand grabbed my arm.
“Hey, look…” It was the guy. I was suddenly startled, was this when he gave me the sympathy? Because I sure as hell didn’t want it.
“Yeah?”
“I heard what happened, it was on the news. I just transferred in here, no one to hang out with,” he gave a nervous laugh. “But if you ever want to talk, I would be happy to listen. I’m Ashton.” He outstretched his hand and I shook it.
“I’m Blair. And thanks, maybe I’ll take you up on that offer. One day,” I laughed. The bell sounded through the hall and students pushed and shoved their way to the classes. “Good luck on your first day!” I yelled before being pushed away from him.

As I took a seat in class I kept my head down. I thought about the moment back in the hall. He was so kind, and without even thinking it brought me back to Ryan. Ryan was nice. And what did I do? I pushed him away, like I did with everything I loved. We talked about marriage, and I threw it all away because of some stupid hate that I got?
Tears were welling in my eyes, but I refused to let them out. I would be strong, and I would put this all behind me. Just to forget it all would be perfect. But of course that wouldn’t happen. Ryan's words drifted into my head, and as hard as I tried to tune them out, they seemed to replay over and over.

 “That’s what I’ve thought about all last night… and this morning it finally clicked. I don’t need to wait around for the perfect girl anymore, because I think she’s sitting right in front of me.”

“Blair? Oh, wait. She’s not here is she? Next is…Michael?” My teacher, Mrs. Herbert, called from her desk at the front. I rolled my eyes, taking Dr. Feys advice. Attention.
Raising my hand, I spoke. “Mrs? I’m here.”
All heads in the room turned to me at the back, and I let out a small squeak. “Blair? What are you doing back?”
“I’d rather not talk about it. But yes, I’m back,” I said rather moodily, and she nodded almost too enthusiastically as she clicked onto her laptop to mark me present.
For the rest of the fifteen minutes that I was in there, with Cass on the desk next to me, I leant my head down on the desk and took deep breaths. I just had to get through the day. If I did that, I could decide if I wanted to take the week off. Simple, right? Yet again, Ryan’s words played through like they were on repeat. This time I was reminded of the moment where he’d commented on my freezing hands…

“Your hands are freezing,” he had sniggered. He traced the lines of my cheekbones, sending chills along my body. “You’re perfect, Blair. Everything about you is perfect.” His finger moved as I grinned cheekily.
“Apart from my freezing hands?” I joked.
He let out a small laugh. “Yes, apart from them.”

“Okay, class. It’s 9, head off to your first lesson,” Mrs. Herbert announced, shaking me out of the flashback. The end of her sentence was not heard, however, as the sound of scraping chairs overthrew it. I stood up slowly and headed to maths.  I made my way to the back, taking my normal seat and taking out my pencil case and graph book. I ruled up the page and sat patiently, watching the flow of late students die down until all seats were taken. Mr. Merdock shifted his attention from the chalkboard to look at his pupils, beginning the lesson.

*  *  *

This went on for weeks. I’d survived all of those days, scared that if I took one off that I’d be talked about. Not that it made much difference, as I was talked about regardless. But the topic of me was dying down, and it would soon be forgotten. Every single day passed slowly and painfully, and every single day there were flashbacks. Dreams were the worst, they were like nightmares. His face haunted me while I slept, and the image was so clear that it stuck in my head for days.
Cass had broken her promise multiple times, although I knew she didn’t mean to. Sometimes she would walk off, assuming I’d follow, but I was so caught up in my depressive thoughts that I had paid no attention. There was once where she’d walked off, as I’d been too boring to hang around with. I didn’t blame her. She didn’t want to be stuck with this, she never signed up for taking care of a suicidal friend. I could only imagine how she’d be feeling.

It was Monday again, 3 weeks into school, and that meant starting the day off with maths. I took my seat, smiling at Cass as she sat down.
“You seem happy,” she commented hesitantly before slumping down next to me.
“I feel happier… how weird,” I replied, but as soon as I said it an uneasy feeling crept over me. Then the sadness came back, slow and achy. I sighed and slid down in my chair, focusing on the sub we had.
“So, class. Mr. Merdock isn’t here today, as you would well know from his speech yesterday. He’s taking the week off, and I’ll be replacing him.” I knew that voice from somewhere… “You can call me Mr. Hartley.”
Oh God. Nate was teaching this class?! I knew he took courses in teaching when he was at uni, but I didn’t think he wanted to pursue this as an actual career.
“Now can we all flip to page 144 in your text books, I want to start off with-“ the lesson blurred on, and I zoned out after those last words. Nate never noticed me, and I was glad for it. Being at the back had its advantages.

While there was the sound of whispers and pencil hitting paper, I realised I wasn’t contributing to it. My page was empty, and there was 10 minutes left of the lesson. Nate looked up at the clock and called us to his attention.
“Okay, you can pack your books up. Remember we need to get section G4 done by this Wednesday, okay? I need you all to- Blair?” He said, astonished. Once again --like the first day --, all eyes turned to me, and I sank down even further into the plastic seat.
“How you doing? You okay?” He asked with concern. I didn’t need this right now. He was doing fine not noticing me for the whole lesson, why did he have to notice me now. And to make matters worse, it seemed that once again nothing was as important as staring at me, because no one was packing up anymore. I’d almost banished the topic of me from the students of Nashville high, but we were right back to where we started.
“I-I’m fine,” I stuttered, packing books into my bag and feeling my cheeks flush.
“Why are you back? Your mum wanted you to take this week off for therapy?” Great, another thing I needed. People would now know I had help.
“I can handle it,” I said between my teeth.
“Look, if you need to go then-“ His words were cut off by my sobs. They were loud and heartbroken, but as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t stop. What happened? Everything was fine before, but now I just broke down. Cass’ arms came around me in an instant and I shifted into a position where I felt I was hidden away. There were sounds of sympathy in the class, and Nate rushed over.
“I’m taking you home,” he said harshly. “Why are you even back after 2 weeks? You couldn’t handle this, not after what you did.”
“No!” I cried loudly. “Just leave me alone, alright?” My voice was bitter, and I wiped my eyes before running out of the class, bag in hand. I ran down the hall and to the doors to exit the school. I didn’t care about the consequences of leaving; I just needed to get out.