Italian Angel

𝐺𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝐹𝑜𝑟𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟

S A V A N N A H

I heard them screaming downstairs, so I was sitting here, sobbing, listening as they screamed insults at each other.

They always did this when Jason was gone and they thought I was asleep, but these walls weren't thick. Mine were thicker, but mine didn't block those voices. Those of my parents and those in my head. River was laying next to me, comforting me even though she was just a puppy, while I cried, I couldn't help it.

It destroyed me on the inside, seeing my family being torn apart, one after one mentally leaving.

"Oh so you thought it was okay?" My mom yelled and I heard something crash as I flinched, backing more against the wall.

I was sitting here, in my room, everything was dark and only a small light came from my window and the light under my closed door. It was horrifying to see my family fall apart, every moment together was forgotten in those nights. No love, no respect, nothing. It was all gone.

I petted River and whispered to her, "Your'e not going to leave me, right?" She barked a little and scooted closer to me, licking my hand as I enjoyed her warmth.

I just recently had my 12th birthday and my parents bought me a puppy, but it was just to secure our image of a perfect family.

Two parents that fought when the kids weren't near, an older boy who didn't have enough money to pay for university, and a 12 year old girl that had no friends and probably social anxiety.

Yeah, my life was great.

"Of course it was! You don't have a say in my life!" I heard my dad shout at my mom and tensed, he never had used this tone, to nobody. It was this anger, mixed with confusion. I didn't know what they were exactly fighting about, but I was scared. Scared of everything. The possibilities if they would divorce, the possibilities that one of them would get abusive. Yes, these thoughts wandered around in my head, it wasn't right to think about my parents like that, but could you blame me?

Could you blame me for thinking like this even though you had no idea what they did to me? They screamed, they threw stuff, they ignored me, they threatened me, and most important, they weren't getting a divorce, no perfect family would ever break up. Even though they knew deep down that I was suffering from their actions, they ignored it and shoved it to the bottom of their hearts. So, could you blame me?

I heard another thing crash and closed my eyes, trying to stop crying, but it was no use. Tears fell down my cheeks like a water fall, trying to hold in my sobs, covering my mouth with my hand so nobody heard me, my head leaning against the wall, listening to every cruel thing they said. It wasn't easy, to cry without anybody noticing, but they were so loud downstairs that I could've screamed and they would only hear a whisper between their shouts.

It had started a few days before my birthday, they would fight all night and I would listen, until, I would fall asleep of exhaustion. This exhaustion that came from not eating, stress, and mostly fear. Fear of them, of my only legal guardians who treated me like shit. I wasn't in the position to talk about them like that, but it was true.

River whined a little as I stopped petting her, so I continued.

"I wished Jason was here." I smiled weakly and River yelped, which made me giggle a bit, until I heard footsteps. Footsteps too strong to belong to a woman, so I knew who it was.

I cursed at myself and hurried to bed, acting like I was sleeping, while River hid under my bed, whining a little, but only loud enough for me to hear.