Italian Angel

𝐼 𝑐𝑎𝑛'𝑡

S A V A N N A H

I had put on a large sweater and a pair of leggings with some fluffy socks, as well as Isabella and Jasmine. The boys both had sweaters and sweatpants on. We all sat down, my hair wet, but not wet enough to drip. I turned my head slightly when a tall blond woman came in, carrying a full glass tray of steaming lasagna. Isabella clapped into her hands excitedly and Jasmine's eyes followed the tray being set on the table.

"Enjoy you guys!" The woman cheered and Isabella smiled at her lightly.

"Let's goooo." Isabella took a larger knife that was lying next to the tray and started to cut the food.

After we all got a good piece of lasagna on our plates, Isabella started to talk again.

"Okay so plan for today." She said between eating. Hunter chuckled a little as she tried doing both at the same time.

She set down the fork, "I hope you all don't want to go to bed early because this night will be amazing." Her eyes lit up at the last word and even I had to smile at her excitement.
I sat next to Jayden, which now had been a rather stupid choice.

He always eyed me, and I felt his stare sometimes.

"Stop fucking starring you creep." I whispered and he grinned, the others not noticing.

--

After dinner we all had sat in a circle on the mattresses, all full from the food. I sighed, lying down on the mattress.

"I planned to do a typical sleep over, face masks, binge watching movies, snacks, everything." She pulled out a Nintendo switch case in bright blue and opened it.

"Where's the toilet again?" I asked, standing up and waiting or Isabella's attention. She was busy trying to start a game.

"Uhh, I think down the hall and then left, should be near the kitchen," She muttered, her eyes switching between the projector and the switch.

I went back out to the hallway and past the kitchen.

Finally, I found what looked like a guest bathroom and closed the door behind me, sighing as I leaned against the wood. I felt suffocated, the blood flicking every two seconds in front of my eyes, and it felt like hands were slowly wrapping around my throat. I saw Anna, her lifeless body and took a deep breath to gather my feelings.

I went to the sink and looked at myself in the mirror, I looked completely normal, wet hair resting on my shoulder, but my eyes looked like I had just seen something terrifying. Which I technically had, but I needed to bury it deep down and let the wave of sadness come over me when all of this was over. I needed to concentrate, it was Isabella's birthday, and I wasn't going to ruin it. After all, I had already ruined how we had first met, as it wasn't under the best circumstances.

Before I could turn around, the door opened, and I gasped as I saw Jayden standing there.

"You really have a habit of intruding privacy, don't you?" I hissed at him, and he shrugged, taking a step towards me. I tried to hide my uneasiness as best as I could, but I knew he could see right through me.

Our bodies weren't far away from each other, I only had one step and I would stand against the wall.

"What's up with you?" He asked and I tilted my head in confusion. Why would he be the one to ask me about how I was feeling, it wasn't like he cared.

"What do you mean? There's nothing 'up with me'," I imitated his voice, clearly showing that I was annoyed that I couldn't even have a single second of alone time, because I needed that right now.

He took another step forward, and I held out my hands protectively in front of me, showing him to stop, "Don't, don't go near me please," I knew that my breathing was uneven, and my lips were slightly trembling, but he listened, and stopped.

I couldn't be that near to him right now, because every time somebody was that near, I heard heavy breathing and saw the blood, just beneath me.

"Savannah what's wrong?" He asked, sounding genuinely concerned, but I didn't want to talk about it, it would only make the situation worse and get me in trouble, I didn't trust him, he hadn't given me any reason to.

"I'm fine, just...Please leave Jayden. I don't know why you are here, or why you are acting all concerned for me, but just leave okay?" I felt weak, as he looked down at me, weak and tired. I just wanted to cry and ignore everything around me, but I couldn't. I couldn't leave now, I couldn't go.

"You can't expect me to leave, you're on the verge of breaking down because of something that somebody said, and I can see that. You can't just hide the things you feel."

He was right, I was on the verge of breaking down, because all it would take was a comment for me to do so. Jasmine's voice ringed in my ears repeatedly, but every time I answered, it would be "She's fine." It hurt, to lie like that about Anna. It hurt to not wanting to see the truth, because I wasn't ready to let her go. I wasn't ready to see her at her funeral, to see her dead body. I hadn't been ready, and I still couldn't believe how something like that could happen to her. It just pained me, that I hadn't been there earlier, I could've stopped whatever had happened, I could've saved her life.

"It's fine, I'll be fine, just give me some space-"

"Stop! Stop doing whatever it is! Stop lying, because you are not fine, and whatever it is, it's taring you apart piece by piece!"

I was getting annoyed right now, I didn't want to talk to him about it, even though I wanted to just break down in his arms and cry my soul out, I couldn't. Because we hated each other, and nothing was going to change that, never. I didn't want to tell him anything, it didn't seem right to talk about someone's death so easily, because it wasn't easy for me. It would be easy for him, to listen about what I had to say, because he didn't know Anna. He didn't know her dreams, her wishes, her plans for her future, he didn't know how hard she was working and what she had gone through, he didn't experience her bad days and her good days. He knew nothing.

And if I would tell him about her, how lovely she had been, about her charming personality, he would just nod, because as already said, he didn't know her.

"I can't do this right now, okay? I can't talk about it." I whispered, closing my eyes, letting a tear fall down my cheek.

"Then don't. Don't talk about it, but don't try to keep it all in." He answered and walked a step closer. He reached his hand out to mine, and I got goosebumps as I looked at him. He had a soft expression on his face, assuring me, that it was okay to feel like this.

I didn't know why I did what I did, but it happened, all at once, because I never felt like this before. I didn't know what this feeling exactly was, it was nagging at me.

And I didn't know why he did what he did, why he wrapped his arms around my waist and held me tight. And even though, I felt suffocated and weak, he let me feel safe in his arms. He slid one arm up my back, holding my body against him as I inhaled his comforting scent. I wasn't sobbing, tears were escaping my eyes and I couldn't breathe evenly. But he just stood there, waiting, not saying anything, he was just...There. Holding me like I was going to fall apart if he would let go, but I knew I would.

I held my hands against his chest, feeling the need to push him away, because it didn't feel right to let him do this. But my body betrayed me. My body wanted to stay like this, while my mind was going crazy. It told me to push him away and get out here. While my heart was resting with him. My heart felt safe.