Indulgence ( PATIENCE #2)

18. One Chance

Tessa

I am sorry..

I am so sorry..

I am really sorry Tess...

I am really sorry..

These words in the voice of Hardin are distant. So distant. It's either that I am imagining him murmuring all these, in my mind or it's just that I am so far into grieving about all the fact that I cannot actually process his apologies.

The apologies just stops right before it reaches me and lingers there. They doesn't penetrate.

All I can actually clearly process and think about is the burning orange flames radiating from the cindered wheels . Now added with a vicious shadow of a woman tampering my car. Then that booming, screeching noise that shook my soul and grated me into strips. The deafening blast that still makes my feet shake when try to take the seat in any Car. The thought of that incident  looks much more scary now that I know the depth of it. Someone's deliberate attempt to kill. To end a human life. Resulting in ending two human lives.

The scorching heat that burns more than it should every time I touch a hot pan by mistake and now I know why. It's a sign. It was suppose to be me. Mum and Dad just forcibly snatched that away from me and swallow it themself.

What's not distant is the fact that I now know why, Everytime I see random couple walking together on streets, or on a coffee shop, or in a grocery store, it triggers the fact this could be them. Happy alive, at peace. They deserved more lifespan. Their love deserved more time instead of mine...

My mind only processes the
two large suitcase that dragged  following Hardin when he left...
When he said I couldn't fit in. And even though now he says it was all a fucking drama. I actually didn't fit in. I didn't fit in when he was making decisions all alone. When he was choosing to hide and hurt rather than just say to me that he needed me play along.

Tess

It's still distant..

" Theresa." this one louder and clearer. And more so because he is shaking my body to gain attention..

I finally somehow  lift my face from my palm and focus.

I did not even realise when I reached the floor. But here I am on the floor on a familiar costly carpet kneeling, alive, breathing still after all the harrowing truth I have been made to listen.

Mum and dad was killed in a sabotage and I am learning that three years later.

I don't know how Hardin is  exactly beside me and has me encased in his arms. But I am there against him and I am still weeping. I probably was until now in his chest terribly drenching his jacket with my tears.

I stare up at his gorgeous face... His eyes streaming, mirroring mine. His lips glistening from the continuous attempt to make them moist and fight the nervous dry.

"I am leaving Tessa. Permanently for London. Moving back."

I am leaving

I am leaving

I am leaving.

He  hurt me, he hurt me and he hurt me. And it was all an act. After three years to writhing in my bed, fighting with nightmares which only consisted of him leaving me, he is saying that it was a fucking act? And  I don't know whether to be happy or just feel degraded. Because he didn't even try for once to tell me...

Just once, he  could have tried telling me... Just once...

His touch suddenly burns and brings me back when he grabs my hands.