Indulgence ( PATIENCE #2)

27. Regrets

Tessa

Tess,

I would have texted you. But I smashed your phone for safety reasons. So I am writing a note. Please keep reading?

 I am sorry about the temper loss yesterday. I am not going to give any lame arse excuse, but apologize because I am really, really sorry for being rude with you. Also the fact that I practically dragged you to sit on the bike. I sorry for the way I treated you.

 We were being followed. Your new phone hadn't been made secure by Ben, so it was traceable. It was a lapse on my part that I took the situation lightly and took a risk. I am sorry, I know I should have been more careful.

We didn't have safety jackets either. So in haste I had to make sure you got to the manor safely . I wanted to explain the moment we were inside the estate safe but you didn't want to talk. I understand, because I know I messed up and hurt you... I am leaving a fresh tub of mud chocolate as an apology, please have a bite and forgive me.. Please…? 

 Also I am writing a note and not apologizing in person because I am leaving for France. We were being followed by a man of Francois. We caught him, don't worry. But now I have to go to Arles because I need to fix some shit. I don't know when I will return but I will try to stay in touch. Given the place I am going might not have a network, I will try. Please pick up my phone if call you...

 Also Luke, my employee, will get you your new phone which will be safe to use… Donot receive phone calls from restricted numbers. 

 And  I know you don't want my money, But I am leaving you my card. I don't think you will be needing it much. But if by any chance you want to use it for something . Use it please. Avoid using your cards. Don't I request. I will explain to you why once I can come back... 

I am sorry about yesterday.  

I love you. 

-Hardin. 

Like being suddenly chokeslammed I feel floorless and breathless.My ass falls flat on the bed, because my knee joint gives out from the flooding fear in my body. My hands shake, the loose end of the letter flickers. Another end crumpled in my grip, with each tightening seconds. Regret, a terrifying amount of regret fills me because now I wish, instead of giving him a hard time, I hadn't.

I wish I listened when he requested me too.

But I didn't last night. I just ran back to my room because I was angry about his behaviour. I was just furious about how dare he speak to me like that when he was the one who wronged me three years back. I was just angry over the fact that he still could intimidate me with that vigour. I was angry that his rude voice and angry stare still made me so sulky. I was angry about the effect he had when he grabbed me by my body and made me sit in front of him, like he was dealing with a petulant child throwing a tantrum.

I just ran to my room, changed in a flash, threw his jacket which was swallowing me whole on the sofa and slipped in my bed.

I know he knocked once very gently. But I didn't falter, because in my mind I was out to give him a very hard time, like I promised I would. It was like my dignity got a chance to fight back against his melting treatment.

I was so immersed in fighting back, thag even when he knocked the second time in a few minutes later, I forgot to think with logic. I forgot that the rest of yesterday was beyond good.

From me baking, to me finding Ray, is in a happy space, Then the visit to church. Hardin being so open and honest to me about their work. Me realising the enormous heart these Vances have.