Haikyuu Shorts

Forgiveness

"I love you, Kaashi! Please go out with me." -Bokuto

Akaashi was taken aback. He liked Bokuto, could say he loved Bokuto but he wasn't allowed to. His parents would disown him and he couldn't put Bokuto through that with him. He wasn't worth it.

He felt like crying.

"I can't go out with you. Please don't talk to me again."

Bokuto looked at him in shock. This wasn't like him at all!

"W-why?"

The words that left Akaashi's mouth weren't meant for Bokuto, they were for himself. But, he needed Bokuto to stay away.

"That's not natural. It's freaky and gross. Who could ever love you?"

Bokuto froze in shock of the unnaturally harsh words. They felt odd though, robotic, forced, rehearsed, and memorized. As though Akaashi heard them enough to make them stick. But Bokuto didn't catch it as he stared and watched Akaashi walk away.

He began to cry as his heart was ripped out and shoved in his face. He walked home in a dazed, skipping his last classes for the day and practice altogether. The horrid moment replaying in his mind.

It was still so early so he took a bath and changed. He began his homework but didn't really focus. By the time it was done, it was raining outside and nearing midnight. The homework was smudgy and messy from his tears.

He heard a knock on the door. He opened it to see Akaashi.

———

Akaashi walked around the corner from behind the school, out of Bokuto's sight, before he ran to the bathroom. He quickly closed and locked a stall. He turned around and fell on his knees as began to vomit.

What had he done? He did the right thing- the best thing for Bokuto. That's what is important. Not him, Bokuto.

He left the bathroom and headed to his final classes. The notes were bad, he couldn't focus, and he felt the constant urge to vomit. The consequences of what he had done to himself to 'save' Bokuto becoming clear. 

He realized his mistake. 

How could he be so dumb? He wasn't saving Bokuto, he was saving himself from Bokuto. Bokuto did love him but only a little, and once Bokuto found out about his parents and what they would do. He would surely leave. Akaashi knew deep down, this wouldn't happen but he was so afraid. He became blind to any other possibility.

Still, the pit never left his stomach and the pain never left. He needed to get his feelings out to Bokuto. He had to tell him that he loved him back. He needed to, otherwise, he would surely be crushed under the weight of his emotions.

He went to practice. Except Bokuto wasn't there. It continued as usual, but without the liveliness it had as before.

He headed home after and went to his room. He showered, changed, and completed his homework with relative ease since his parents made sure he constantly studied. The routine was totally natural at this point. No time for anything else.

By the time he was finished, it was eight. He headed downstairs to see his mother packing for a work trip in a few hours, she had to leave at 11. She saw him and turned up the news. Akaashi didn't know how but in less than 20 minutes, he was listening as his mother rant about something she saw on the news. Something about a gay kid, Akaashi didn't pay attention. All he heard that stuck out to him was:

"If you end up like that, you're out of this house and this family."

That scared Akaashi to the bone. The conversation went on until she left. His dad was already on a trip and wouldn't return for two weeks.