Chapter Five . . . To keep A Secret
Kristine's P.O.V
I sat in my room and looked in my mirror at myself. Who was I anymore? Why was I so messed up, and why did I lie to Tyler? Yes, I lied. I am pregnant. Shocker? Maybe not to you but to me it was. It was so shocking and so scary, but when I came back to school I wanted to smile. I was going to be a mommy again and this time have a caring and loving father for my baby, but when I got to Tyler's class it all changed.
I shook my head remembering the thoughts that came to my head and pulled my shirt up to look at my stomach when I heard a knock at the door. I instantly put my shirt down.
"Come in." I called already knowing who it was.
Carrie walked in looking as pissed as ever. "You just lied to him! How could you do that!" I sighed and sat down on my bed.
"You don't understand-"
"Understand what? Kristine you are pregnant. Tyler, the man you love is the father!" She yelled.
"Will you keep your voice down he's going to hear you."
"I don't really care at this point! He should know!" I got up and pushed her in a sitting position on the bed.
"You listen here, I didn't tell him because I'm scared. I'm allowed to be scared." He eyes turned from angry to soft and caring.
"Scared of what?" She asked softly.
"Carrie, I was scared that if he found out that he would throw me down the stairs or hit me." I couldn't believe those words left my mouth.
"Kristine, you know just as much as I do that Tyler would never hurt you."
"I know but I-" I was cut off by the sound of the sadness.
"You really think I would hurt you?" I turned around and face Tyler who looked like he was going to explode with sadness.
"Tyler I-"
"You know what I have been listening to you say this, but now it's my turn. Just forget about it." He said and stomped away.
"Great just great." I said and touched my stomach.
"Well I hate to say this but you brought this on yourself."
"Carrie, I didn't mean to I'm just scared. I'm so scared." I felt wetness drop on my hands that were laying on my stomach.
"I know, I know." She said and gave me a hug. "I shouldn't have said that I'm sorry, but you are turning into a whole different Kristine that we are forgetting about where you came from. You are so strong." I pulled out of her arms.
"I got to go talk to Tyler now don't I?'
"If you want." I nodded and gave her another hug before scurrying out of the bedroom and into Austen's room where I found Tyler sitting in the rocking chair, thinking. It was strange that all places in the house, if Tyler needed to think he would come here.
I knocked on the door and he looked up clearly out of his trance.
"Hey." I said quietly.
"Hey." He said back.
"Can I come in?" He nodded and I walked over and sat on the floor infront of him.
"Why are you sitting on the floor?" He asked and I shrugged.
"You're mad at me."
"I'm not mad at you. I'm just trying to think what I did to make you afraid of me." I sighed and got off of the floor and sat on his lap.
"Tyler," I sighed and continued, "you have to understand that a lot of messed up things have happened to me. The scariest though was when I was pregnant with Austen. My father pushed me down the steps." I shivered at the memory and he gently rubbed my back.
"I know but your not pregnant," I winced when he said that, but he didn't notice and continued. "and even if you were I would never ever do anything like that to you." I nodded.
"I know, but sometimes it's hard to forget what he did." I rubbed the scars on my stomach. Tyler grabbed my hand and kissed it.
"He's gone and he's not coming back." I nodded and remained silent. "Did you ever think about maybe seeing a counselor?" He asked and sounded unsure.
"I have, but they would just make me relive everything, and I can't go through it again." I laughed humorlessly, "One time is enough." Tyler turned my head and softly kissed my lips.
"Will you at least talk to me when you feel scared or stressed?" I nodded and began kissing him again when we heard the cries of Sierra.
"Daddy! Will you help me?" She called from another room. We started laughing and I got off of his lap. He gave me one last kiss before going to the door.
"Ty wait!" I said stopping him.
"Yeah?" He said turning around.
"Just a thought, what would you do if I was you know pregnant?" I said biting my lip. He took a long minute to think about it before he finally answered.
"Well, I really don't know. To be honest I was kind of scared when you told me you took a pregnancy test. It's just a good thing your not though because I don't know if we are ready to have our own yet. I mean you still got highschool and we are not even married yet." I forced myself to smile.
"You're right." He smiled at me and went to find Sierra. I had to sit in the chair Tyler was sitting in because if not I was going to fall.
I couldn't breath and it felt like my heart was beating a hundred miles per hour. I grabbed my stomach feeling an achy pain. "It's okay, it's okay." I soothed the baby and myself. Tyler didn't want to start a family yet, and I already had it started. It's not like I can undo it. I mean I'm pregnant, and he's . . . he's not ready.
I started huffing in and out my breaths when Carrie came in. "Oh my God." She ran to me and put her hands on my checks. "Kristine, relax. Breathe honey." I couldn't listen to her I was too locked up in my own thoughts. Carrie ran out of the room and I couldn't believe it. She just left me on my own! My pregnant own!
Then she ran back in with a paper bag and held it to my mouth. I began breathing into it and slowly I felt the air in my lungs slow down to it's normal pace and the pain in my stomach was gone.
She pulled the bag away and I blinked a few times. "Are you okay now." I shook my head and felt tears fall.
"Oh honey." She hugged me and let me cry silently on her shirt. "He didn't take it well?" She asked and I shook my head.
"I didn't tell him, but I asked him what he would do if I was pregnant and he pretty much told me that he wasn't ready to have a kid. Oh Carrie, what am I going to do?" She only hugged me tighter like a mother would and didn't say anything. What am I going to do? I asked in my head, but know answers came. Tyler was ready for a kid and I . . .
Well, I am so screwed.
