Pain

Three Letters

Miss Collins

Tara Collins entered the staff room very early that morning. Since her boyfriend was currently out of town because of his job, she didn't feel like sitting around at home alone. So she had decided to go to school earlier than usual. While the coffee machine was running, she searched her compartment. In addition to the usual school documents, this time there were also two white envelopes in it. Usually letters dealing with internal school matters were marked with gray envelopes. Curiously, she took the two envelopes out of the compartment. The first envelope was addressed to her, the second to three boys in her class. She put the envelope that was meant for Kendall Knight, James Diamond, and Carlos Garcia back in the compartment and looked closely at the sender's address. It took her a moment to understand. Logan.

The depressing thoughts and the feeling of helplessness returned. She put the white envelope in her bag, went to the coffee machine, made herself a cup of coffee, then left the staff room and stepped out into the sunny and still empty school yard. She sat on a bench and took a sip of her coffee before placing the cup on the ground. Then she took out the white envelope and looked at it thoughtfully.

Since Logan had first come to her class, she had a vague feeling that he was different from the rest of the class. Sure, he wasn't the first troublemaker and certainly wouldn't be the last, but there was something about him that made her study him more closely. She tried to understand why he was acting the way he was, what his motive was. For a long time she hadn't come to a clear conclusion, until one day Logan's PE teacher wanted to speak to her. He informed her that he had noticed several bruises on Logan's body. Only then did everything suddenly become clear to her. Shortly after talking to the PE teacher, she asked Logan to stay after class. She assured him that he could talk to her about any problems and promised to help him. But Logan blocked. He explained to her that there was nothing he wanted to talk about and that she didn't need to worry about him. Then he just left without saying another word.

Of course she tried to respect his wish. But whenever he came to school with obvious injuries, she felt worse. Again and again she tried to make it clear to him that he needn't be afraid of anything, that he could trust her. But again and again he blocked. She knew there was nothing she could do without Logan's consent. She would have caused great damage. But over the past few weeks she kept wondering whether this damage might not have been better than what had actually happened. Two of her students almost died. And when Kelly and Dave Wainwright came to her and told her that Logan wasn't going to school until further notice, she just couldn't help but feel guilty. She had apologized to the two and explained to them that she had suspected domestic violence against Logan for a long time. But without Logan's confession, her hands had been tied. Kelly and Dave had been quick to assure her that she wasn't to blame for anything. Yet she hadn't been able to shake off the feeling of guilt for the past six weeks.

With a determined expression, she opened the envelope and pulled out a handwritten letter. Another surprise, because most of her students only used the computer for their homework or essays. She began to read:

Dear Miss Collins

You may be surprised that you received a letter from me. It's probably not common practice for a student to write a letter to his teacher, but in this case I think we can make an exception.

There are many things I want to tell you. I think it's best if I start with the obvious. You were right in all of your guesses, but you probably already know that. I don't know how you think about this, but I hope you don't feel guilty for taking no action. You are one of the last people to feel guilty about anything. Even though I have always acted dismissive towards you, I still noticed all the things you did for me. You never gave up on me. As the only teacher in the entire school, you stood by me. And I would like to apologize to you for my idiotic behavior as a "troublemaker".