Pain

Changes

Logan had been lying on his bed for three hours, staring at the ceiling, lost in thought. The telephone conversation with Camille from the previous evening kept going through his head. Since then he has felt a mixture of different feelings. On the one hand he felt a strong longing and homesickness, but on the other hand he also felt satisfied and relaxed. Slowly, he got up from the bed and went over to the bathroom. As he washed his hands, his eyes fell on his reflection. He paused. In a life that now seemed like a dream, he had put a lot of emphasis on his appearance. He wasn't as focused on it as James or Jett Stetson, but it was important to him. But that had changed in the last few weeks and months. His hair was now a lot longer than it normally was, and a slight fluff of beard had spread around his mouth and chin. He looked listless, exhausted, tired, and his skin was pale. On a sudden impulse, he began to undress, so that in the end he was just standing there in his boxers. Then he did something he had always avoided before: he looked at his old injuries, his scars, and forced himself to look at every little thing. Then he took a step back and looked at himself again in the mirror. He saw a skinny and pale boy who was weak and with whom you could do anything you wanted, because he would never fight against it. The only things that seemed to live in him were his eyes, which looked determinedly at him and showed him that he wanted to fight. His right hand clenched into a fist. Never again did he want to be a helpless victim who couldn't defend himself. He wanted to be strong, wanted to fight, wanted more control over his life, and wanted to be more confident. And suddenly Logan knew what to do. He quickly got dressed and left his room. It was finally time to change something.

Slightly skeptical, Logan entered the gym and looked around. Nobody was here. Probably because they were all at lunch - but that was fine with him. He reached the back rooms and thought there was no one there either, but then he heard a keyboard being typed. He followed the sound and reached an office where an athletic man with dark hair was sitting at a desk, staring at his computer. Logan knocked on the open door. The man looked up and smiled. "Hi, can I help you?"

"Um... I think so. But I'm not sure how to start."

The man laughed. "Well, you could tell me your name."

"Oh, right," Logan mumbled, embarrassed. "I'm Logan... Logan Mitchell."

"Okay, Logan. I'm Ben. So how can I help you?"

"It's hard to explain. I think... I think I want to change something in my life." He hesitated. "That sounded pretty theatrical, didn't it?"

"No, not at all," Ben replied. "And if you want we can talk about it. Have a seat."

Logan nodded and sat down in a chair in front of the desk.

"Do you want something to drink?"

"No, thank you."

"Okay. But before we start, I have to ask you if it's okay with just the two of us having this conversation. Or would you like a third person to be present? You can also talk to a woman."

Logan shook his head. "No, it's okay."

Ben nodded. "Good. Don't be surprised, I have an obligation to ask these questions. There are a lot of kids in here with lots of different stories. Some things happen during PE classes or at the gym. The possibilities are endless. So I ask these questions to make sure the person in front of me can trust me."

"I see."

Ben started typing on his keyboard. "Okay, let's see... you've been here since ten weeks... your roommate is... Jeff, yes, I know him well. And your therapist is... Dr. Richards, correct?"

"Um, yeah," Logan said suspiciously. "Sorry, but can you see all of my data?"

Ben shook his head. "Oh no, just the basics. Unless, for example, you have some illness that prevents you from being physically active. There are actually people who try to hide this. That's why I can see these relevant things. But that's all. The details that you discuss with your therapists are none of my business."