Ardently |h.s|

twenty two

It has been a solemn day at the Payne residence. Not much has been said, tension plagues the air, and it is all because of me. I guess I was more trouble than I was worth.

Looking in the mirror, familiarity is coming back into my face. Maybe it is because my hair isn't done up in some ridiculous way and there are no jewels on me. As I stare at my unruly hair, dark eyes, and bare face, I truly feel as though I look like myself.

Tonight is the dinner with the Styles and I should be getting ready soon, however I would be perfectly happy with being sent back to the basement and never having to deal with these people again. Of course that would leave me with so many questions, the most important being: What if I had gotten my chance with Harry?

Courting him is my only way out of this house. If I were to go back to being a servant, it would never be the same. The Paynes are too kind to be mean to their servants, but we would not have the same relationship ever again. Especially not Liam. I wouldn't be surprised if he married Miss Haddington just to get away from me.

Breakfast this morning was stressful. Everyone refused to look or speak at me. Not that I minded, I would rather not be called ungrateful or a servant just because I expressed how stressful life has been as of late. The Viscount is not looking forward to dinner tonight, but none of us are for all different reasons.

He does not want to face the Duke yet again, especially after the chaos of last night. The Viscountess does not want to face the failure that has become of her attempt to do the right thing. Liam does not want to face Harry. And I do not want to face another night of horrible fighting because I have decided to be a good person.

Though Harry knows nothing about me, he was able to recognize that I have a forgiving heart. He genuinely believed that I would despise him for the rest of my life, when the reality is, my first thought when we bumped into him was how handsome he was. Of course then he opened his mouth and everything was ruined from there.

Call me foolish for wanting to see the good in him, but there is something deep in him that he is hiding. I got a glimpse of it in his letter when he told me about his sister. He is lonely. He has no relationship with his parents, which is why he sees his birthday as a means for his mother to flaunt their wealth in society. He was never close to his sister as she was often busy. He feels like he is alone.

I have yet to see the man with a friend either. At every ball he attends, he sticks to the corners or roams the halls alone. He never talks to anyone unless he is forced to by his parents, or unless he tries to engage in a fight. Even with me, his first instinct was to be rude and indecent, but he has since confessed that he just thought I was beautiful.

Harry is a mystery. There is a lot wrapped up in that pretty boy that he closes off to the prying eyes of society. But I think piece by piece he is showing me the true Harry. I'm not even sure he knows who the true Harry is, but we will be seeing him more, I know it.

*

The air is uneasy as we sit at the dinner table. Fights have already threatened to be broken out and harsh words have been shared.

When Harry attempted to sit beside me at the table, almost every other person warned him to sit somewhere else. He was also not allowed to sit across from me, Gemma took that seat. I feel more uncomfortable than ever with Liam sitting next to me, and especially with the way he is glaring at Harry. Gemma has been the only one to look sympathetic toward my situation. Really, she has been the only one to be kind toward me.

Harry and I continuously exchange quick glances toward each other throughout dinner. Nervous glances. Neither of us knowing what will come next.

Since I do not see how I could get into any more trouble than I already am, I decide to speak up to break the silence that has overcome us. "Dinner is excellent. Your cook is very talented."