Ardently |h.s|

twenty nine

To say I was bombarded with questions when I got home is an understatement. I tried my best to hide my freshly kissed, giddy expression, however I must have failed. Harry must have too because everyone was commenting how smiley he was during the dances we shared. It was only two dances, for we did not know if we would be able to refrain from kissing again.

The Viscount and Viscountess were desperate to know if he has proposed to me. Thankfully nobody saw us leave or noticed our absence at the party and Gemma spun up a story on how she took us out to the garden to give us a tour since she would be living there soon. Thanks to her cover, everyone believes us to be engaged.

Surely an engagement should be coming soon, especially now that we have kissed and claimed each other.

We have kissed. I never kissed a boy before.

His lips were so soft, gentle. There was something so innocent about our kiss. It was so romantic and peaceful. My feelings for him have definitely become more intense after that magnificent kiss.

When we met, the last thing I would have expected was to kiss him, let alone fall in love with him. I know he has kissed other girls before and I have heard the rumors of him doing more than that, but there was something so different about this moment we shared. It didn't feel lust filled and I didn't feel taken advantage of. I felt loved.

The way he looked at me after, I just felt my whole body was on fire. His eyes held my gaze with such passion and adoration. He holds my heart in his hands now. It is fully and completely his, sealed with a kiss.

Laying in bed, I cannot even dare to sleep. My mind races, replaying the kiss over and over again. I cannot get this idiotic smile off my face. It is just stuck there, permanently all thanks to Harry. I could still feel his hand brushing against my cheek. His breath against my skin. His lips against mine.

I love him. Truly I do. I love his voice and his eyes. I love his hair and his charm. I love when he flirts with me, and when he talks to me. I love when he looks at me when he thinks I don't notice. I just love him.

Now I just have to admit that to him, which is terrifying. I do not want to ruin what we have with those three stupid words. Just because I feel love toward him, it most assuredly would set us back if I were to admit it to him. Maybe once we are engaged or married I can tell him. Just not yet.

Getting up from bed, I grab the single candle I have by my bedside to illuminate a bath. I head to the desk, placing the candle down to give me light. I take out my stationery, figuring I should at least write Harry a letter. I have sent him one already that I am waiting for a response from, but I need to write to him again. I could not live with myself if I do not write to him at this very moment.

My Harry,

How has it only been a few hours since we last saw each other? It feels as though it has been days, years even. I miss you dearly already, yet you are only across town. How can you be so close, yet feel so far away? It seems criminal.

Dancing with you has been the highlight of every ball. I do believe we are getting quite good at the waltz, perhaps we have become the best waltzers in all of Europe.

I know you have not yet sent back a letter, however, I just wanted to write to you. I really enjoy spending time with you, especially as of late.

It brings me great joy to know that Liam has apologized. Hopefully we will be able to mend fences, though I know things will never be exactly the same. Perhaps one day you two will be great friends and we could put all this silliness behind us.

It is a short letter, I know. Just know that you make me very happy, my Harry. Do tell your sister I enjoyed her company, and that Duke Phillips seems like a kind man.

Thinking of you,
Your Charlotte.

I feel almost foolish for writing this letter up as there is no substance to it, however I could not just write about his lips and how they made me feel. Liam has already read one letter, I do not want to risk him reading an outgoing letter and finding out we have been together unchaperoned, let alone that we have kissed.

When Harry proposes, I want it to be from his own free will. I want to know that he wants more than anything for me to be his wife. I do not want his proposal to come about because we were caught doing things we shouldn't have.

But how badly do I want to kiss him again. I want a moment alone with him, just the two of us. I want to kiss him and hold him, not having a care in the world because nobody would be there to see. Though Gemma has been a lenient chaperone, if she were to find out we have kissed, she would not be happy with her brother.

It must be kept a secret, something for only us to know about. It was just for the two of us, nobody else.

I wonder if my mom would like him. I like to think that she would. He is everything she wanted for me from what I've heard. He does not see me as a means to have an heir, he sees me as a person. That is all mother wanted for me. To find love and be treated like a person.

I wish she could have met him. Not the him he used to be, but the him he is now. Though, in order to understand who he is now, you have to know how he was. His cruel behavior was a reaction to him liking me. He did and said all these mean things, just because he never had feelings like that before. Yes, he's been attracted to girls before, but in a sexual way. The woman he has been with, he never saw them as more than a conquest.

But he saw something more with me. It was different. And it scared him, especially when he found out about my status. He grew up being taught his status was the most important thing and he must marry someone worthy of the title of Duchess. In other words, he must marry someone like him. Now here we are, the servant girl in love with the future Duke of Cheshire.

Hopefully the day he proposes comes soon. Never did I imagine I'd be the girl sitting around waiting for a man to ask me to marry him or considering asking the Queen for a special license so we could be married as fast as possible. I do not wish to wait any longer.

When I thought of marriage in the past, I saw it as an agreement. A woman would have security and companionship in life, at the cost of never loving her husband fully and having to have children. It turned me off to the idea entirely to be quite honest. This was never a life I envisioned for myself.

Now it is everything I dream of. I lay awake at night, dreaming of life with him. It makes me nervous to reconcile with Liam, for I am not the same woman I was when we first fell out. Before then, I was ready to never marry and be a maid for the rest of my life. I was scared marriage meant being trapped under the control of a tyrannical man.

Only when I am with Harry, I feel more free than ever before. With him, I do not worry about sounding too intelligent for a woman, or not being pretty enough. He does not force me to wear blue, I want to wear it. I want him to see me in his favorite color and watch his eyes light up.

We do not talk about children or his properties and title. He does not brag to me about how much money he has and how financially secure he is to provide for me. He does not enjoy talking about himself. He wants to know about me. Still, I pry information from his life out of him, bit by bit.

I get back into bed once the letter is sealed and addressed. The Viscount snuck me my own wax seals once he found out about our letters, telling me how I should have my own since he does not want me running through all his wax that he needs for business letters. I shall send out the letter in the morning.

How do I face Harry again now that we have kissed? How do I look at him without the brightest blush coming across my cheeks or becoming a giggling idiot? I've been desperately willing away bad thoughts from my mind of him being done with me now that we've kissed, or him convincing me to take things further. Liam's words or warning ring in my ear from time to time of how Harry sees me as a conquest. How once he gets what he wants he'll throw me to the streets a ruined woman.

But that is not the Harry I know. He would not go through all this trouble to get me to bend to his will...

Right?

**

A lil solo char chapter :) please don't forget to vote and comment!

gab