Ardently |h.s|

forty eight

It's a bittersweet feeling.

For the most part, I am overjoyed. Harry is my husband now. We had the most beautiful wedding, and though it was smaller than what is to be expected for a future Duke, it was perfect.

Well, as perfect as my wedding could have been with my mother missing. Yes, the Viscount and his wife were present, and Liam, but she was missing. She should have been there, helping me into my gown and preparing me for my future as a wife. I know she would have been so thrilled to see me marrying for true love.

Thinking about her is when the sadness sets in. As I look around the Payne's estate at our reception, it feels just so incomplete. Random strangers will approach, congratulating me on our marriage, but it all means nothing if she's not here.

Somehow I managed to slip away from the crowds and into the servant's quarters, with the help of Liam. All of my things are packed upstairs, but I just needed one more chance to say goodbye to my real home. It's hectic down here, Sitting on my mother's old bed, wearing my wedding dress, this life feels like a world away.

I started this season off cleaning the estate and helping make dinners, and I'm ending it married to a future Duke. Married to my true love. I do not think the reality of my newfound life has set in fully yet, and I doubt it would. But sitting in this old room, though it no longer belongs to my mother nor I, there is some semblance of normalcy soothing my aching heart.

My eyes are closed as I breathe in the feeling of my mother in this room. I was born here and she died here. It's always where I will feel the closest to her. The only other place I feel so close to her is out in nature. I'm hopeful that Harry will spend time outdoors with me, especially on the days I miss her most.

The sound of the door opening startles me, causing my eyes to fly open. But a smile takes over my face when I see the face of my dashing new husband.

"My servant girl in her natural habitat." he teases, a charming grin crossing his face.

"I must admit, never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined you standing somewhere the help lives." He laughs at my joke, closing the door behind him before coming to sit beside on the bed.

"I figured Liam knew where you must have run off to, so I asked. He showed me the way down here, but I will need your help getting back." He leans over, placing a gentle kiss to the top of my head before I look up at him, leaning in to press a kiss to his lips.

I will never tire of kissing him.

A quiet takes over us, my fingers gently picking at the delicate fabric on my wedding gown. But it feels complete. My husband is here, sitting in the room where my life unfolded. The dainty ring on my left finger captures my gaze, bringing a slight smile to my face. "My mother and I shared this room when she was alive. We would lay in bed together and she would sing to me or read to me."

He hums softly, looking around the very small room with a pensive look on his face. It surprises me when he moves to lay down on the bed, pulling me down to lay with him. We both do not fit whatsoever, but he maneuvers in a way where we both fit. My arms wrap around his torso and I can't help but smile at his sweet, grinning face.

"Do you think she would like me?" he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

With no hesitation, I nod, my hand gently rubbing up and down his side, "She would have loved you. Perhaps not in the beginning, but she would have definitely encouraged our relationship once you finally admitted to your feelings."

He chuckles gently, placing his lips gently against my forehead. "I love you, Charlotte. And I know that she loves you too. I wish more than anything that we could have had her there with us today. She would have been so proud of how exquisite you look. It pains me that this upsets you so." He whispers against my skin.