Ardently |h.s|

forty seven

I almost forgot that Harry is supposed to be the Duke of Cheshire one day. Being a future Duke means a larger than usual wedding must be planned. However, since we were granted our special license to be married, it will not be as big as it could. 

Harry has been trying to convince his family that they do not need to be so extravagant with the wedding. We are in love and do not feel the need to throw this giant, over the top wedding. We are perfectly happy with something simple. Plus more people being invited means more eyes on us. There have already been rumors about us going around.

It was highly suspicious of us to get engaged so soon. Especially since Zayn was running around town,  telling anyone who would listen how he proposed to me and we were to be married. Thankfully he hasn't said anything about me being impure, but it's been alluded to in the ton. Harry and I have been on a few promenades since our engagement began and have professed our love in front of whoever will listen, however, we know how this looks. 

I mean, it's not like we've stopped meeting secretly to spend time together. It also doesn't help that now since we're engaged, we can be alone more. Granted, someone from our family is always around somewhere, but we're able to be a lot more affectionate toward each other. 

My wedding gown is nearly done, tomorrow is the last fitting before the big day. In two days, I shall be Lady Charlotte Styles, future Duchess of Cheshire. That seems so unreal to say. Just a few months ago, I was a servant, a nobody. All I had was Liam and his family, a dead mom, and all the other servants who lived with the Paynes. Now I have Harry and his family too. 

They have been so welcoming toward me. I was so scared to go to the Styles residence once we were engaged to announce that we were to be married. The Paynes were cautiously happy for me, considering how devastated I was not too long ago over Harry hurting me. But they know that I love Harry and they could tell that he loves me too. 

He loves me. What a wild thing to be able to say. 

His mother was over the moon to find out his son proposed marriage. She just about ran out of the house to begin planning the wedding with the Viscountess. Gemma apologized to me over the way she spoke to me that time when I came to see Harry. Apparently she just wanted to hide with Harry, but he pushed her out to send me away. It makes sense considering I saw him watching me from the corner. 

Overall, everyone is excited for our marriage. Not as excited as Harry and I, however. In just a few days we will be honeymooning somewhere far away and enjoying our time together as a married couple. We will definitely be enjoying ourselves and our ample amount of alone time. 

The closer the wedding gets, the harder it gets for me to fall asleep. I'm not nervous to marry Harry. I want that more than anything. I'm just insanely excited. I'm counting down the seconds to when I get to be his for the rest of our lives. I dream about our children, growing up in that beautiful estate we've been sneaking to. 

But as excited as I am, there are also these waves of sadness that fall over me. My mother will not see me marry this beautiful man. She is the reason I have him, and yet she will never have met him. I know she will be there in spirit, but I want to see her hug her. I want her to be the one to fuss over my wedding gown and stay up with me talking about my soon to be husband. I want her to be in the pews while I stand up at the altar with Harry, devoting myself to him. The Viscountess has been wonderful to me the last two weeks, but it will never be the same. 

When Harry and I have a family, I am going to be like my mother. At least how I remember her. We're going to spend time out in the grass and gaze up at the clouds. I know I'll be encouraging Harry to stop working in his study for a little while to spend time outside with the children and me.