Accepted

It never ends

Days dragged on for what felt like years and I hadn't slept since I saw Edward's cold bloody bodied on the ground and ran away. My phone wouldn't stop dinging with notifications so I had it turned off. I didn't want to see anyone. I didn't want to talk. I just wanted to be left alone to grieve the only parent I'd had left. I couldn't think of anything or anyone else. I couldn't. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw him. A reminder of the what happens to everyone who gets close to me. I didn't care that we had a war approaching. I just wanted it all to end. I curled my legs closer to my body underneath the covers as I ignored the loud rumbling of my stomach crying out for food.

All of the sudden, I felt the covers yanked off of me. I groaned, expecting to see Star once again try to unsuccessfully separate me from my bed. I was surprised to see Oreres's blurry figure looking down at me silently. My eyesight as well as my senses were getting worse the longer I went hungry. Oreres was the only one who respected my request to be left alone. If she was here, she had a good reason.

"What is it?" I asked hoarsely, my voice cracking from the dehydration.

"Edward's funeral is today."

"I don't want to go," I said, grabbing the covers before preparing to once again bury myself under them.

She lifted a hand, causing the blankets to fly across the room out of reach.

"You are going to the funeral. This is your chance to say goodbye. That may not mean much to you now but you will regret it if you don't."

I stayed silent, realizing she was probably right. The thought of Edward gone was enough to make my eyes water up all over again. I blinked furiously, banishing the tears away before attempting to get up. My legs wobbled before I fell back down onto the bed.

"You're too weak. It's been 3 days since you've touched food or drink. Here."

I grabbed the blood bag in her hand, downing it faster than I ever had, my fangs emerging so quickly I winced in pain. As I finished the bag, I could feel my energy become replenished and I straightened up before standing.

I turned to leave the room before Oreres placed a foot in front of my path.

"You wanted me to go, didn't you?"

"You smell like a rotting corpse. Shower first then wear this," she said, placing a tar black dress with long sleeves and a v neck cut on the chest.

"It'll be in the garden on the West side of campus in an hour."

I nodded, heading towards the shower before turning around, "Who will be there?"

"We will have a funeral service for all students to attend and pay their respects then a more intimate one with those who knew him personally where we will lay him to rest."

I nodded slowly before entering the bathroom and closing the door. I looked in the mirror, noticing the bulging, dark circles around my red eyes and my cracked lips. My curls were all over the place, in a tangled mess with some levitating straight up in the air. My clothes were filthy and to say I looked a wreck was a huge understatement. I lifted up my shirt and bringing it to my nose and sniffed, immediately gagging at how horrible I smelled. I pulled my clothes off before hopping into the shower and letting the scalding, hot water run all over my body. I combed the knots in my hair and ignored the tears trickling down my face as I scrubbed myself from head to toe. I wrapped a towel around me, rubbing a circle in the steam covered mirror so I could see myself. My bags were still bulging, but I looked less dead. I ran my hand through my hair, my ginger roots peeking from my curly black hair. I lathered my dry hair with oil before pulling it back in a low bun. I left the room, putting on the dress and shoes Oreres had left before sitting down on the bed. I grabbed my phone, turning it on and waiting as it started up. It didn't feel right. Taking a shower. Putting on clothes. Breathing. All of the things Edward would never be able to do again. I felt like a robot, going through emotions. I was so numb and exhausted from crying.

My phone started it's incessant pinging once again as I saw notifications from everyone pop up. I saw a notification from Edward pop up, clicking on it immediately. It was sent before he took off to find Esat.

Don't worry about me.

My chest hurt reading it. That was his last words to me. Not to worry. I screamed in anger as I threw my phone across the room. I watched it shatter against the wall from the force. I felt tears escape my eyes once more, willing myself to calm down as I felt myself getting closer to another breakdown. Keep it together Saron. That's what I kept telling myself but a part of me knew I'd never truly recover from this.

I went to the bathroom, heading to the sink to wash my tear streaked face. When I was done, I looked at my reflection. I straightened up, smoothing down my dress as I gathered myself.

"You're strong. You can do this. Keep it together."

I turned around, leaving the bathroom and going straight out the door before I changed my mind again. I took a deep breath before making my way towards the garden at a steady pace, in no rush to face anyone.