Accepted

Heartbreak and loss

"Saron, are you up?" Tom whispered, the sound of his voice waking me up. I was already on edge so the slightest sound was enough to disturb me from my sleep.

"I am now."

"Sorry, did I wake you?"

"It's fine, it's not like I could sleep in this state anyway."

I sat up, scooting back until my back rest against a nearby tree. I scanned the field around us quickly, noticing most of the camp asleep with the exception of a handful standing watch at each corner. A few were still awake, huddling around a fire eating. The sound of crickets chirping drowned out all the snoring and mumbling happening all around camp. Zion, Star, Joel, Jeremy, Bonnie, and Esat were all sprawled out near us fast asleep. I watched them sleep peacefully, their chests rising and falling with each breath. I admired the stillness of the night, the peacefulness of it all. I didn't have to be on guard, not right now. I smiled dryly, knowing it would probably be one of the last peaceful moments for awhile.

"Saron?"

I turned over to Tom who was eying me with a puzzled look.

"Did you say something?" I asked.

"Nevermind, it's nothing."

A few minutes passed of awkward silence as we both sat there in the silence, taking everything in. I felt my eyelids start to droop as sleep was threatening to take over when he broke the silence again.

"Do you think we'll make it?"

"Yes," I answered, shooting him a confident smile.

"How can you be so sure?" he asked, narrowing his eyes at me in suspicion as if I was hiding something.

"I just have a feeling. Are you scared?"

"Aren't you?" he asked, snorting.

"I'm terrified," I said, laughing awkwardly.

"You're not planning on doing anything stupid, right?"

"Like what?" I asked, turning my head at him.

"Like being a martyr."

"We're at war. We're all going to be martyrs one way or another."

"You know what I mean," he clarified, eying me sternly.

"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. We'll all be fine."

With a satisfied nod, he said, "I have a question."

"What?"

"When you were gone, did you ever think about me?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean miss me. Did you miss me?"

"Of course I did, I missed all of you," I replied honestly.

"Yeah, right." He said, frowning before plastering a fake smile.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing. I should get some sleep."

"Hey," I said, grabbing his arm as he attempted to lay down.

"What?"

"You're not the only one who gets to act concerned. Come on, what's wrong?"

He paused, looking away before turning back to me.

"I'll tell you after we survive this war."

I opened my mouth to protest but closed it quickly once he grabbed my hand, his touch signifying more than a comforting touch. Whatever it was that he wanted to say, that wasn't a box I wanted to open, especially not now. I gazed into his eyes, unable to pinpoint an emotion behind the blanket of feelings. Just as soon as my hand started to warm from his touch, it was gone and he was turning away from me to sleep.