Dangerous Innocence (English Version) [ATARAXIA Series #2]

Slowly letting go...

WARNING: SUICIDE AHEAD (Triggering topic. Don't read it if you can't handle too much emotion and suicide attempt. Just proceed to the next chapter.)

"Life is beautiful for people who saw its positive side but he who sees life as nothing but darkness chooses to slowly let go of his thread of life..."

Ganther Uries Neric Asuncion's Point of view

Darkness... Since I was young my life revolves in dark. Being a monster to their life. I was young when I understand human nature. Not everyone is righteous because no one, even the kindest people have their own dark thoughts. Humans are capable of doing unexpected things. Especially when your life drives you to be and the people around you dragged you to be someone you never imagine to be.

There are four types of humans on earth.

First, the kind person who has love, care, and affection.

Second, the weak one is who is afraid of risk, the one who lives in fear.

The third one is the monster, the person who lives in hatred. Lies in cruelty. The kind of human who has dark thoughts.

The last one is numb. The person who doesn't care about anything. Living but dead. Heartless. Emotionless. Living like a robot. People who ain't scared of everything that'll happen in their life they just waiting for the final moment. The moment they'll meet their death.

I chuckled I looked around my room it's too silent, too dark. I can feel how my body trembling. How long I am going to suffer like this?. I tried to cover my ears. I want those voices to shut up. Voices that keep whispering words that make me sunk more into a deep hole where I can't find any escape.

"Four types of humans but they all the same though." I quietly uttered. Same... All of us are kind at first. Who cared and have affection for others but when pain strikes our system. It is like cancer that slowly crawling into our life. Giving us defect. We'll be going to be afraid of what we are facing. And until that pain will ruin us to be opposite of what we are before. Turned into a monster. And the last phase when that pain completely destroys us we will become a person who doesn't give a f*ck in life because we had enough in this life.

I held tightly the paper that I'm holding. I never open the letter that Onyx left for me. Because I feel if I open it I accepted that he's gone in my life. I'm waiting...

"I'd never been happy in my life until I met him. He makes me happy. Isn't bad to hope that he'll come back right?." I hugged myself. I am hoping?. Hope I never thought I'll use that word.

***

"Ganther..." I put down the book I am reading the turned my eyes on Kit. He's frowning.

"Why?." He frowned more. 

"You are not listening." I just sighed and smile a little. He glared at me.

"Stop smiling you're not even happy." I shifted my gaze away. 

"What's your plan, Ganther?. I and the others are now graduates and living our life. You?. You keep hiding from the world. You are just staying inside of your four-corner room. You need to move on Ganther. He's not coming back."

"K-kit, how?." His expression softens.

"You know, how. You don't just want to do it... You deserve to live Ganther. Like you are saying people are diamonds. Every soul is a diamond. Ganther, you need to live..." Kit's words keep playing repeatedly inside my head. But my mind is literally blank. I am a diamond?. But I feel I'm not. I'm a destroyer right?. I'm not in myself when I grab Onyx's letter that I never try to read. . I'm afraid to know what's inside. I'm scared that it's a letter of goodbye.

My hands are shaking. I stared at the letter. I want to open it. I want to read it but I can't find any strength to start. I was able to kill bunches of people. I was able to controlled someone's life but opening a piece of paper I couldn't. It's hard.

I just stared at the paper until I notice that I'm crying too hard. I couldn't help but laugh. I'm crying but I feel nothing. I couldn't feel anything. I feel nothing at all. My chest tightened from crying too much. 

"Ganther why are you crying?." I asked myself. But I cannot think of any answers. I'm tired. It's tiring breathing. I'm tired of waking up just facing the same pain every day. It feels like I do not belong in this place anymore. That feeling that you are just forcing yourself to wake up and be fit in this world. But every time I woke up life give me nothing but a reason to give up.

"M-maybe person like me doesn't deserve to live anymore. I am just nothing but a worthless person who loves destroying someone's life. Maybe it's my karma. M-maybe this monster needs to rest." Everything happens so fast.

I tried to smile while looking at the mirror. My eyes are so dull. I punched the mirror that made it broke. My fist bleeds but the pain in my knuckle isn't enough to snap me back. I picked up the piece of mirror that fell on the floor. I hold it like it is the most important thing in my worthless life. Well, it is. It'll be the way to make me rest.

"I need peace... And leaving this messy world is peace."

I pointed the broken glass piece in my wrist. Without a second thought, I slashed my wrist. A deep cut that makes my wrist bleed. I'm holding Onyx's letter until it was covered with my own blood. I lean at the wall. My eyesight gets blurry. I can feel my breath slowly fading. A little smile crept onto my lips when I feel the moment that I'm waiting.

"I-i'm f-free..."

****

"Ganther fight please..."

"Please..."

"Kuya, don't leave us..."

"S-son, I'm sorry... Please live..." Those voices I know them... They are crying. Their sobs are too clear in my ears. It's too cold. I want to open my eyes but I am too tired to do that. I can hear voices around me.

"Get type A blood right now!." The last words I heard as I drifted to darkness again.