Chapter 23

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The atmosphere has changed incredibly as I take a seat in Ferris' car. This dinner date took a drastic turn as Ferris' jealousy took over and he couldn't stop himself from being rude and insolent.

'Why are you so jealous?' I ask, not looking at the boy sitting next to me.

'I'm not.' He answers back, starting up the car.

'Ferris, you don't have to hide from me anymore. You can tell me what's going on.' I turn to face him as he turns the car off. My hand reaches out and strokes his cheek, caressing him with my touch.

'I didn't like the way he looked at you.' He finally admits.

'A guy can look at me without you acting out, we aren't even together.' I move my hand from his cheek and turn to look out of the window.

Ferris restarts the car and drives out of the parking lot, turning on the radio at the same time. My ears prick up as soon as I hear Adele's comforting voice fill the car.

'You like Adele?' Ferris asks when he notices my reaction.

'I love Adele!' I squeal before singing along to the words of her most recent song. A small laugh leaves Ferris' mouth and for a moment I forgot that I'm mad at him.

When Ferris parks in front of my house, I give him one last glance before climbing out of his car. Please say something. Say something that will make me fall for you. He didn't say anything as I closed the door to his car. He didn't call after me when I walked up the drive. He didn't run inside the house with me when I opened the front door. Nothing. And when I turn around, the car is gone. My heart drops at the vision of an empty road with no dark haired boy in sight.

Quickly, I run to my room and flop onto my bed, turning on my phone to see that I have a couple of messages from Christina.

R u coming to canteen?

We're waiting.

Gonna assume ur not coming, ttyl x

Quickly, I reply with,

Sorry, something came up & I had to leave. If you want, we can catch up now xx

When Christina doesn't respond, I swiftly change into my pajamas and lay down in bed. My main outcome of the day was to get through college with no distractions but instead, I ended up getting into a fight with Ferris. All this reminds me of is that maybe I'm not capable of being loved. It's like a chain reaction, everything is conjoined with another. With Daniel leaving and Jessie hating me to Ferris using me again and again to me letting him. A chain reaction, that's what they call it. And I'm standing in the middle, being choked by every single person in my life. Daniel's not even in my life and he has had the biggest impact on me. I always see his face, everywhere I go, I see his pain- stricken face as he walked out of the front door. I see his smile when he was with Jessie. I ruined that. Me.

I cry myself to sleep whilst thinking about all the lives I've ruined.

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