Home. (L.N.)

16. Regrets

A river of tears running down my face while we enter the hotel. I split from Pierre thanking him and wishing him a good night. He gives me a kiss on my cheek to show his sympathy. What a sweet person. When I go into the elevator with my hand pressed in front of my mouth I try not to sob. It is very early in the morning as I discover on the clock in the elevator, my head is hurting like crazy. Not sure if it's the alcohol, the crying or the all these thoughts that causes it. When I reach the right floor my feet find the room by themselves. I froze before I knock, when the door opens own its own. Justina shrugs and holds her heart "Fucking hell Anna.. You scared the shit out of me." She is fully dressed and has her luggage in her hand. She mentioned yesterday, that her flight is incredibly early. Her face is filled with worry when she realizes the state of me. "I need to catch my flight but Mick will still be here for a bit, go inside. Text me when I can do something." She kisses me on the cheek when walking past me. She knows I wasn't here for her. I needed Mick. So I slip into the room and whisper in the dark "Mick?" A door opens and a sleepy blonde tall guy appears. He rubs his eye. "What's wrong" He opens his arms seeing the state of me. "I did something stupid" I mumble and the tears start rolling down again. His shirt catches the most of them when I bury my face into his shoulder with his arms wrapped around me. I am at my safe place.

"What do you want to do?" We are sitting on the bed with some fruit in front of us. We woke up a while ago after getting in bed quickly after I arrived at his room. He gave me clothes I could sleep in, getting out of the dress made me feel better anyway. Mick laid next to me when I fall asleep. I was just exhausted and so was Mick. We slept in and missed the breakfast so we ordered just a bit of food to the room. I grab a strawberry and put it in my mouth. I feel real bad and confused. To top it all of I have a slight hangover. "I don't know.. Die.. maybe?" I message my temple with my cold fingertips, it helps a tiny bit. Mick shakes his head. "Not an option!" "I really don't know Mick.. It all fucking confusing" "Sorry" I add when seeing his face. He hates swearing. But he didn't pick on me like usually, he really tried to help "Do you want to be with Lando?" He grabs a grape and places it in his mouth. "I don't know" "Do you want to be with Mason?" "I don't know." "Well what is that you want?" he seems frustrated while grabbing another grape. "I don't know, I don't know, I don't know" I jump up from the bed. I am angry. Not at him but at myself. "I don't know what I want. I want to kiss Lando again and wipe away the pain for him. But I can't. He is a driver, that's bad. He travels all the time. Is always in danger. I need stability. Mason can give me that. He is there, he tries. But I betrayed him. How can I look him in the eyes. This all messed up. I am messed up. Please, I need help."after my rage I sink down on the bed again with my head in my hands trying to hold back the tears."So you don't see a future with Lando?" I look up. There is silence for a long time in the room, before I whisper very very quiet "No" and this word is the word I will regret the most in life. But Mick seems confident now. "Good then come clean with Mason. It's the only way to move forward." I roll on my back "I don't want to" "Stop behaving like a baby and call him" The blonde driver reaches for my phone and throws it at me. I look at him in panic. "It will be fine" he whispers and grabs the bowl of graps before leaving the room. So I sit there in his shirt with my phone in my hand. I take a deep breath before typing in his name.
"Hellou?"
"Mason?" my voice cracks and my eyes fill up with tears again. I hear nothing just see the request of changing the call to facetiming on the screen. I accept and his face appears. He is clearly worried. The tears start rolling down when I see him. He doesn't deserve this. His hair is wild and his brown puppy eyes are wide open in worry. "Anna, what's wrong?" I just sob holding away the phone so he doesn't see me. "Anna, please talk to me." "I fucked up Mason." I finally say while avoiding looking at him. "I am so sorry." He shakes his head "I don't understand. What happened? Are you OK??" So I start talking. About the club, about Lando being my first time in basically everything, about not seeing him for a while but meeting him again, about last night and about the kiss. When I stop I look at him on my screen. He just listened probably for more than 15 minutes didn't say a word. He is processing everything. "I really want to hug you right now." he then says. I am surprised and swipe across my face with my hand "Why?" A smile appears on his face. "It's just a kiss Anna. Obviously we don't know each other that well yet. Don't get me wrong I definitely don't like the fact it happened. But you crying about it and telling me straight away, shows me that you care. And this all it matters to me. We all make mistakes. Don't wind yourself up. We are okay. At least if you want to continue to get to know me. I want to. If you want to be with Lando instead that's fine as well. A bummer in my eyes, but the first love is special. I know. It's your choice." I look at him, he is all smiley and not angry at all." I don't deserve you", I whisper out in all honesty. Now his smile drops "Don't say that. You deserve all the happiness in the world." A little chuckle flies over my face and I run through my thick hair there are tangles everywhere. I must look horrible. "Sorry for this" I point at my face. He laughs quietly but it fills my heart with hope. "You look as beautiful as always." I lean back into the pillows now my phone next to me. I grab a piece of pineapple from a bowl and places it in my mouth. "I can't wait to see you in Porto. I promise I will make it up to you. ",I mumble looking at the gorgeous guy. It is the truth. "So do I, my parents will be there as well. They can't wait to meet you." I am surprised. Well stupid me of course would his parents support their son on such a big day. " I  look forward to that. How are the preps going?" He yawns. "It's the day off today then on Tuesday we will do final prep, fly over Wednesday morning." I nod. My head hurts from all this stupid crying but I am calm now. He knows and he isn't mad. We felt with it like adults. "Sounds good" I mumble in the bed sheets. The door opens and I look up. Mick stands in the doorframe looking at me with a thumbs up, trying to confirm everything is alright. I smile at him and nod. "Who is there?" I hear Mason. "It's Mick. I am at his room at the moment." I smile down on my phone. "Oii get him here. I want to meet him" his face lights up. I look to Mick "You heard him" I laugh. The driver jumps on the bed next to me. "Mick" I scream, the construction of pillows where my phones leans against gets all messed up. Now it's laying down flat on the bed leaving Mason to see nothing more then a pitch black screen. I quickly grab the phone seeing Masons dimples while he is having a huge smile on the face. I move the camera so he can see my best friend. "Mick this is Mason" I introduce him. The racedriver wears his natural honest smile on his face and waves into the camera. "Nice to meet you" He grabs the phone out of my hand and takes over. "Yeah likewise. Heard a lot of you" I hear Masons response. I lay my head back into the pillows grabbing another pineapple piece and watching my best friend. "So did I." Mick says. "I would love to see a race someday." Masons request surprises me. I didn't know he was into F1. "Since when?" I laugh next to Mick with fruit between my teeth. "Excuse me? You should hear yourself talking about the race thing. You made me curious." I roll my eyes with a smile hearing this from him. "Well I can tell you, you are always welcome at the track." Mick smiles. "It's just difficult with you schedule Mase " I say shuffling up to Mick to be back in the picture. He nods. "Isn't there one is England?" Micks eyes light up "Yeah Silverstone. In a few weeks." "Is it at the time of the Euros?" He asks. Mick shrugs. "I don't know" "Give me your phone I will google it . But you should know mate" He throws his phone over and I search for the date. "July the 18th" "That's after the final! Should we go?" he asks me in excitement. "If you want to sure. It is your vacation time."I laugh. Mick nods" I will arrange everything. It will be a pleasure to welcome a European champion and a champions league winner" Mason laughs "Cheers mate." The phone from Mick goes off. "Its your mum" I whisper, seeing the name on the screen. "I need to go Mason. Will see each other soon and good luck on Thursday." "Cheers mate". We change phones and I leave the bed to go to the living room. "He is nice" Mason smiles. "He is a good guy" It fills my heart with happiness seeing them two get along that well. We catch up on other things while he is playing a bit with Frida. I miss this little cutie. When Mick comes out of the bedroom I decided to hang up as well. In the high spirit to see the footballer again in just a few days I watch Mick pack up his things. We talk about Mason. It lights up my heart, how much Mick actually liked him by the judge of just a few minutes of talking to him. But suddenly the mood changes, when he is doing the last bits of packing. He leaves Monaco in just a few hours while I stay a night longer. I get all sad again, knowing I wouldn't see him in a while. I guide him downstairs to the lobby where a driver is already waiting for him. "If you want company text Daniel, I know that he lives here." he says while we hug our goodbyes. I hold on to him tight not willing to let him go again. "I will come to France."I say burying my face into his shoulder."That would be wonderful. It's just a month. Have good time with Mason. Stick to him, he is good for you" the German places a kiss on my head. "See you Mick" I let him go with a heavy heart. He waves at me when the car drives off.
I make my way back upstairs, take a long hot shower. It's just early afternoon and I should discover the city. I unlock the phone and discover on Instagram that I gained lots of new followers. Just over 6k in just a couple of days, and there are some verified accounts. I sigh when seeing the name. Now it makes sense.

lance_stroll started to follow you.
danielricciardo started to follow you.
maxverstappen1 started to follow you.
charles_leclerc started to follow you.
carlossainz55 started to follow you.
charlottesiine started to follow you
pierregasly started to follow you.

I quickly follow them all back. I know some of Masons fanpages are following me as well, we connected a few weeks ago after that there was also a little wave from new followers. Never thought people would be interested in me, well actually they are not. They just want to know what connection I have with the famous people. I open my DMs ignore most of the messages and slide into Daniel's DMs.

anna_wi: Hiii Daniel, I am on my own in Monaco for today. Do you have time to hang around? 😊

It just took a few minutes before he replies

danielricciardo: Pick you up in 30 minutes! Grab swimming stuff.. It's getting hot 🔥 🤫

I smile at my phone. Some sunbathing should be great and relaxing.

"This is not what I thought we are doing", I scream into Daniels ear. He just laughs and speeds up even more. I sit behind him with my hands wrapped around his stomach holding on for my life. We are speeding with a yetski around the ocean a bit more outside the harbor of Monaco. Daniel has a little yacht in the harbor. So just before we run out of fuel we head back. With racing heart and shaky legs I jump off. "Never again" I point with a finger again. He laughs it off while securing the yetski. "Admit it it was fun" "Yeah. It was" I laugh. We then lay down on the deck of the boat finally doing some sunbathing. I just apply some sunlotion on my legs when he comes over with two glasses of lovely cold wine. I take a sip. "Thanks for all of this Daniel. It would be boring without you." "Cheers to new friends then I guess" He smirks. "Cheers" I reply and our glasses meet. When we were laying there quiet, enjoying the sun and a little music, I think again about last night. I was able to put it to the side for many hours but when it all cools down my thoughts wander back to the kiss. I wanted to feel these lips for so long again and when it happened butterflies where all over my body. But the reaction of Mason was overwhelming, he reacted perfectly. I still feel guilty about that but I am ready to move on. Lando is history, I want to focus on Mason.
My phone next to vibrates and when I look at the screen I need to take a deep breath.

landonorris started to follow you.
landonorris wants to send you a message.

***
Hellou everyone. I would like to thank you all. After the last chapter I received some feedback from you guys and it made me incredibly happy. I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the last one. I am always happy about comments! Cheers!