Home. (L.N.)

42. Moving Forward

"Is that too much" with slightly shaking hands I glide over the soft material of my lovely dress. It's very light and covered in roses. Looking pretty is something I haven't felt for a long time. I was very lucky that Gina's housekeeper threw that dress into my bag when we packed at the farm for the days in Austin. There was no energy left in my body back then to put it out again, and right now I am glad I didn't. Weirdly today I am so energetic that I am even able to step outside that late at night. Normally I would in bed by now and stare on the ceiling letting my dark thoughts free. Today is different, I have plans to actually do something. I feel finally alive. Having a dinner with friends shouldnt be something so exciting and special but it feels like it. "You look stunning" Gina lowers her hairbrush and gives me her full attention. Her eyes are filled with tears. "What's wrong?" alarmed I rush over to her throwing my arm around her shoulders. She chuckles a little but the tear leaving the corner of her eyes irritates me. Yesterday I would've just look and her and think of what ever makes her sad couldn't be worse then how I feel. I was an arse back then. Disgusting to be honest, but I am lucky that I still know who I am and that I have friends that bring my true self back. "I am just happy that you are back" she confirms my thought. I give her a little kiss on the cheek and whisper a thank you. She was right, coming here was the best thing that could happen to me. A knock on the door interrupts our little moment. "Go on, have fun." "You sure, you don't want to come?" I wait in the middle of the room for her answer. "No I will go over to Mick and we will call mum."she smiles and waves like she tries to drive out flies out the hotelroom." Send her my love will you? " I grab my purse and throw a kiss at her. She nods and so I open the door. Charles stops in his motion to knock on the door once more."Oh there you are" he grins. Further down the floor I see Carlos pressing the button for the elevator. "Sorry" I smile and close the door behind me. The Ferrariteam shares the same hotel then the Haas one, so it just makes sense we go together to the restaurant. It will be a big group of drivers attending, one of the rare moments when everyone comes together in private. After Lando suggested to grab a bite tonight, others got hold of the idea and jumped in. The little organization freak he is George immediately took the matter in his hand. He created a WhatsApp group and send us all time and location. "No worries, we are late anyway" the Ferrari driver laughs. He is dressed all black and his hair styled perfectly as always. Carlos seems to be his complete opposite since his from top to bottom in white. He sights annoyed when Charles addresses him "I told you to keep the doors open." I walk behind him towards the spanish driver. "It just closed so fast. Stupid" he presses the button for the elevator every single second. If that would make the process faster. I smirk. These guys are just pure chaos. "Ahh" he is proud of himself when the Bing announces the elevator. "Please" he gives me a sign to enter it first with a huge smile on the lips. "Thank you" I enter it and wait for the boys to get in as well. The ride down is pretty fast and quite. We hear some screaming already when we just leave the elevator. From here we can spot fans through the glassed entrancedoors, but they spotted us first. As I was distracted for moment I miss a little step and twist my ankle. In pain I try to get the hold and find by that Charles shirt. He reacts quickly and grabs on to my arm. "Fuck" I gasp out at the sharp pain, which easies up pretty quick luckily. "You OK?" Carlos now also by my side offers me his arm. With a look over my shoulder I see the 10 maybe 15 phones lifted in the air filming or taking pictures. That's embarrassing. "I am alright thanks" I say to them both and am relieved when a lady from the hotel staff approaches us. "Good evening. Mister Leclerc, Mister Sainz, Misses Winter your car is waiting at the back exit, it's much more calm there." We follow her as she guides us to the car. It's just a short drive when we stop in front of a very comfy looking restaurant. Everything is decorated with candles and lights while the house itself is just wood. I feel a little overdressed for the occasion as I swift down my dress again. "Am I the last one?" I chuckle at Nicholas as he climbs out the car behind us when we just want to enter. He quickly jogs over and then Carlos opens the door for us. Inside the light is dimmed but in the back of the room the huge table is more then noticeable. Especially since Noone else is in this restaurant. It seems like George rented the whole thing out in just a couple of hours. Only God knows how he managed that. A big wave of "Welcome"s and "Hi"s greet us when we make our way over. We actually a much lager group then expected. On one table end sits George while on the other the reserved Valtteri greets us with a friendly nod. I am surprised to just see one more girl here, but it is probably the most gorgeous one I ever seen. Her brown hair lays in light waves over her back while her body is slightly shuffled towards Daniel's body. The Aussie has one arm laid casually around the chair of hers. That must be Heidi. "Sorry that we're laate" I turn around a little surprised as Lily and Alex tumble in. So it's three girls in total. The professional golfer pulls me in a hug "Gorgeous dress" she smiles. The sound of moving chair fill the air as everyone gets up to great us, the new arrived ones. Max pulls me into a hug, then it's Pierre's arms I find myself in before Seb closes me into his. "I feel old" he chuckles. But I spot Fernando as well, so I reckon he is in good company. Yuki, Checo, Valtteri and Lance greet me with a very short hug. The next one is Daniel gifting me with a huge smile. "Shoooorty" I missed my nickname. I missed this easynes. "Avocado" I chuckle. It's still exhausting with all these people and good vibes but it also heals my heart. He gives me a little kiss on the cheek but then steps aside and Heidi stands infront of me. She seems a little nervous and shy. I emphasize how she is feeling, it's never nice to come into a group where everyone has different relationships and bonds. I just hope Daniel was so kind to give her a little brief so she isn't clueless. "Anna. This is Heidi, my girlfriend."  Surprised my eyes switch over to Daniel. In these weeks things happened I hadn't had a clue about. I feel bad for not being able to be happy for others to the point that they wouldn't tell me good things anymore. He grins but I see also nervousness on his face. My eyes wander next over to Heidi and I see the way she looks at him. She is in love. Madly in love. As she should. I am more than happy for them. Knowing she will be around often it's important that we get along well so I jump over my own shadow and pull her into a light hug." Pleasure to meet you, heared a lot about you." Her body relaxes a little under my touch when mine tenses up when my eyes spot Lando. His eyes lay calm on me as his arms are crossed infront of his chest as he patiently waits, so he could great me properly. I exchange a few words of kindness with Heidi before she takes Danny's hand and they go back to the table. "Last but not least" Lando grins as his hand slings around my lower back. My hands lay slightly shaking on his shoulder blades. In these 2 hours we had been apart I missed him like crazy. I take in his smell which remind me of candles and the sun. He is my sunshine. They say you need vitamin D to strength your bones, muscles and mind. It appetently also lifts your mood and helps against infections. The grief and negativity crawled over my body making it weak and toxic. With being back exposed to my sunshine it's like my body starts building that vital vitamin and fights back all the darkness in my body. I don't want to let him go, but to not make it weird we eventually step back from each other. His whole presence calms me down and let's my heart race come to a healthy rhythm. The day had been very eventful so far so its lovely to have a safe and calm man beside me who functions perfectly as my rock. "Take a seat guys" George takes the lead and sits back down at the head of the table. I try to figure out if there are seats assigned to us when a hand lays down on my back but quickly is pulled away. "I am sorry, are you OK with me touching you. I shouldn't have.. If I have been.."Lando mumbles nervously and avoids my eyes as I have my attention redirected to him. It's sweet how he cares if I am alright but considering all these touches and stuff it's a little late. But I reckon the thought counts. My answer to his concerns is visual as my hand glides into his. With widen eyes he glances down on our connected fingers before he starts grinning. He has such a beautiful smile it just intoxicating. The corners of my mouth move slightly up as well. "You come with me" he whispers and leads me to the opposite of the table where he let's go of my hand to pull my chair back. He makes sure I am comfortable before Lando takes the seat to my right. I acknowledge that everyone has taken their place at the table and so Max ended up to my left while on the opposite side Pierre grins back at me. He is in between Daniel and Heidi to the left hand side, so Daniel sits across Max. On the other side to Pierre sits the Ferrari duo. The others are more to the outside of the table. Max just pulls me a glass of water when the waiter hands out the menus to all of us. The candles on the table make the atmosphere very calm and beautiful. We are all harmonizing when we order and have little conversation while waiting for the food. While Lando jokes with Carlos about golfing I leaned more towards Max. We chat about the video I would edit and that he was excited about. A little discussion between us flames up about the kind of music I would use, but it quickly erased as the plates are placed in front of us. I choose a light salad with chickenstrips a little afraid my stomach would react badly to the food since I haven't eaten a lot recently. My whole diet had been snacks, scrambled eggs and fruit, this would be my first big real meal in a while so I keep it light. Lando has a lovely looking steak with chips which seem really appetizing so I might snatch one or two of his plate. "I would like to say something" George lifts himself from his seat. The conversations around quiet down. "Thank you all for coming together tonight. It's great to have so many of you around. Especially I would like to welcome Anna back" My throat tightens as he addresses me. We haven't had the best relationship and really started off on the wrong foot, but I know where he came from and I hope he knows where I came from too. He is not a bad person, quite the opposite actually. George is a real sweet guy who has a big heart which is on the right place. Landos hand lays down on my thigh as a sign to calm me. I desperately hold on to that and he gives me a concerned look. There is nothing I could tell him with my eyes about what I feel right now so I just ignore him and watch George as he takes a deep breaths to continue. "Thank you for choosing coming back to the paddock. I think I speak for us all that we missed you around." Tears start to rise in my eyes so George who probably wants to say more closes his jaw again. I don't know how long I can fight back those tears. "And also a warm welcome to Heidi. I would like to raise a toast." Around 15 hands reach for their glasses. Mine is filled with a beautiful white wine and Landos with applejuice. We hold it down while George lifts his up. "To family" I need to gulp hard. But he is right. We are family. It's a family we chose. A family that is global and very big with members not going along well and members who are couples. But the elite group you might say are mostly the ones present. "To family" the glass clinks as we all join in to the toast.