Home. (L.N.)

15. Late Night Talks

My eyes are closed and my chest is lifting up and down fast. My hand is still on his chest. The memories of that night are as present as when it just happened. My thoughts flick to Mason. I can't do this to him. I have a real chance with him. He is perfect. But at the same time Lando does things to me I cannot explain or put into words. I feel comfortable with him. I want to lean my head against him to take in his cologne. I want to dive my fingers into his curls feeling the softness. I want to tell him that I made a stupid mistake back then, but I know it was right. "Why did you say that we can't meet again?" He is towering over me so close I can feel him breathing. I look up at him seeing his gorgeous eyes. His sharp face. I see why he has so many girls adore him. Of course I couldn't stop looking at his socials, following his path in formula one. So I know what happened to him.
"Lando?",the sound of Georges voice fills the air before I can even answer him. Maybe it's for the good. Disappointed he steps back and turns around to his friend. "Yes mate?" "We want to leave." Lando is blocking my view so I can't see the tall driver. I front of me is his back the urge to touch him overcomes my body. I step behind Lando and place my cold hand carefully on his back. He stiffs up under my touch, not expecting it." Charlotte also wants to grab something to eat before going back to the hotel", George continues. When I think about food, I am over the moon. My stomach needs it to absorb all this liquor. "I would like to grab a bite", I step out of Landos shadow dropping my hand from his back. Georges eyes are fixed on me with a slight smile. At least this is what I imagine to see. His face is mostly in the shadows. "Good then let's go" He turn around and goes back inside. I want to follow him but get hold back by a hand on my wrist. "So we are not gonna talk about it any further?" I can't look at him. He is disappointed probably frustrated, but I can't do this. To push him back further, I whisper "No, it's better this way. I am seeing someone." He let's go of my wrist and I follow George. My throut is closing and I am disgusted by my behavior. I just hurt him I know it but I did it for our own sake. Tears rise up in my eyes but I quickly blink them away. I put a slight smile on my face when I end up at group. Charlotte scans my face "You ok?" I nod. I am like a doll, no feelings just functioning. "Sure what would be wrong?" My head is spinning, my breath is getting faster. I am close to having a panic attack. This is stupid. "Where is Lando?" I hear Carlos. "He needs a moment" George says while looking at me. He comes over to lean down. "What have you done, Anna?" He knows something happened between us, he knows in the one minute after he left us alone I did something and by the look on Max's face I see he assumes something as well. "Can we leave?" Lando appears with a straight face. He looks normal but without the sparkle in his eyes avoiding everyone. He starts walking towards the exit with Carlos, Max, Pierre and Daniel following. "What have you done" George asks with more force in his voice. He is angry at me and protective over his friend. "Jesus George calm down" Charles tries to joke about this to lift up the mood. He is confused and Charlotte is worried. Her eyes lay on me while I try to get my mind sorted. I did the right thing. "I told him the truth", my eyes meet George's. He breaths out deeply. Charles eyes jump from my face to George's. "What is going on?" Charlotte is whispering something to his ear and realisation hits him. "Ohhh" Me and George are still staring at each other, him in disbelief and anger and me just to not look weak. "You are stupid, Anna." He spits out the words. "What ever you said to him, you are stupid for doing it." "Whoaa George, chill out" Charlotte jumps to my rescue. She steps next to me and places her hand on my arm. "You don't have the right to talk to her like that." I take in his words, they hurt. "No! She has no right to do it to him. Again. She broke him. And now she did it again." George pauses out of breath, he raised his voice at me. His hands run through his hair in frustration. Now looking back at me pointing the finger. "I never seen two person look at each other the way you two do. Back at the elevator and also tonight. Even after so many months. But you choose to break him. I don't know what you said and I don't want to know, but he deserves better. He doesn't deserve you." In his eyes is the pure anger for me. Tears start falling down my checks." Come on George, don't be so harsh" Charles pushes back George slightly while looking at me in worry. Charlotte is swifting my arm trying to comfort me. "This is exactly why I did it", I whisper looking up at George with tears all over my face "I don't deserve him." "Are you coming?" Daniel pops up next to us. When he realizes the tension and sees the emotions his face changes. His beautiful smile disappears "What the fuck happened?" He looks at me "You alright Anna?" He rubs my shoulder to calm me down. "I should go now." "Yeah it's better this way", I hear George under his breath. "George", I hear Charles and see his disappointed look. "It's fine Charles" a tired smile appears on my face "I deserve it. Goodnight and sorry for ruining it." I want to turn around to walk off, but decided otherwise. "I am truly sorry George" I add before finally heading out. I start to run. Outside I push through a few people and lean against a wall away in a dark alley, sliding down trying to breath, trying to fill my lungs with air. I am having a panic attack. The world is spinning around me as I wrap my arms around my legs. The tears falling down like heavy rain. I sob into my knees. A person sits down next to me. Not saying a thing, not touching me. I just feel the presence. I look up and see the serious look on Daniel's face. His head is leaned back on the wall with his eyes closed. " I am sorry" At my words he opens his eyes a little grin flies over his face. He puts his hand on my knee and rubs it "Just don't run away from me in the dark in your own. It can be dangerous." I nod and try to swipe away the tears. Unsuccessful. "It's fine. Cry as much as you need."I hear him with a soft voice. I nod. With his hand on my knee he spends me comfort. "You can tell me. You don't know me and I don't know you but it is good to talk to people that don't know you for the shit from the past." He pauses. "It hurt to see you two like that. I don't know what happened on that balcony, but you definitely hurt Lando. Please don't you think I judge you for that, I reckon you have reason for whatever it was." "I just told him the truth", I sniff. "And that is always the right thing to do." I look up at him. He is smiling down on me. "I told him I see somebody." "This is what hurt him?" "Yes" "Anna, you have all the right to see people. If it's bloody Harry Styles, the king of Thailand or whoever. You do you." My chest is now rising in a nearly normal speed again. I am tired. Just so tired. My head leans on his shoulder. "May I?" I whisper but already placed my head in position. "Only if you tell me where the hell you met a person like Lando." I chuckle. "It was in 2018. Mick won Formula 3 and Lando came second in Formula 2. There was a huge party at the end of the season. I was with Mick that day. I just finished my internship with Sky News. I first saw him on the dance floor. He was drunk. And I was drunk. He was cute. When we got out on the balcony to get fresh air, this is where we kissed. It was my first kiss. Ever. And I thought I found love. I didn't know who he was back then." I smile at the memories." You have a favor for balconies ay?"Daniel mumbles. I chuckle again." Seems like it." " How could a gorgeous girl like you fall for weirdo like him? Have you seen his face back then, I get it now when girls have a crush on him. But he had a huge glow up." I chuckle, I love how he is lifting my mood I know he is obviously joking trying to make me feel better." I wasn't pretty back then" "I doubt that" I grab my phone out of my purse scrolling through pictures finding the one I wanted to show him. The only one from that night with Lando and myself. "I can't believe I say this but you match perfectly." I look at the photo. His arms are around my waist looking at me with a smile on his face while I smile in the camera. I smile I love this picture it holds good memories. "How old were you?" "Just 18" "Wow" he laughs. I look up at him "What?" "I just realize I am old" Now I need to laugh as well. "What happened after the picture" he points at it. "We went to his hotel. Had sex" "Ahhh to much information" Daniel shouts like a little kid and presses his hands on his ears. I look at him in confusion. He is a grown ass men. "Sorry but" he laughs "these two" he points at the picture, that is still showing on my phone " are now my teammate and you and them having... " he pauses and shakes his head. I smile at him realizing his struggle. "Fine then let's drop this topic then." Seeing him nod makes me chuckle. He gets a grip "So why did you end up like this?" "I found out who he is. I experienced loss in my past. My dad passed away when I was a little child. My mum when I was 17. His job I mean your job as well is so dangerous. I don't want to worry about someone all the time. I don't want to loose someone again. I can barely handle the situation with Mick." " So why is Mick as your friend, who you clearly love in a different way, fine but not Lando as your boyfriend? "" I always told myself if I am dating someone, then it is the one. He will be my husband, my Soulmate and the father of my children. And I want my children to have a father." He nods" that's very idealistic" "I know". My head again rests on his shoulder. "So who are you seeing now?" "His name is Mason. He lives very close to me in Chelsea." "Oh Chelsea? He is not by any chance Mason Mount?" He laughs and I stay quiet. He noticed he hit it rock bottom. "It is Mason Mount isn't it?" I nod and silence surrounds us. "So you can see yourself marrying him?" I shake my head "No, not yet" "But you love him" I sit up straight looking him into the eyes. "He is perfect. He is smart, funny and honest. There is no more I can ask off." Daniel smiles at me "But do you love him tho?" I stair at him, trying to figure out the answer. I lean back against the wall with closed eyes. "Maybe" the word is no more then a whisper. I even wonder if Daniel even heard it. Silence sits with us. My stomach grumbles. "Lete grab a bit. Here is a kebab shop around the corner." The racedriver jumps up and holds a hand out. "Come on girl. Move. Can't handle all this sadness " With a smirk on my face I grab his hand and he pulls me up. "Urgh I am getting to old for this" he mumbles holding his back with a smile on his face. I raise an eyebrow. "You are not that one. Still looking good" I pet his shoulder. He flexes his muscles which makes me laugh.

We walk out of the alley over to the kebab shop Daniel mentioned. It is already to late, when I saw the group sit there they saw us also. "Anna", Charlotte jumps up and runs over to me. I look to Daniel with panic in my eyes. "I should go" "No No No come sit down and eat. Sir could you please make another one" Charlotte pulls me through the door towards the seat. I look at Daniel who shrugs. He follows us. I sit down between Charlotte and Max. The table is awkwardly quiet. "Come here" Charlotte brings out a tissue and tries to clear up the mess on my face with me staring down on the table. I couldn't even risk a look at Lando or George. The shop owner places a kebab in front of me and I pay him. "Is he asleep" I hear Carlos voice, he's trying not to laugh. Charles is hanging in his seat with his head leaned on his shoulder and eyes closed. The others now start chatting with lowered voices not to wake up Charles. They joke around. Even Lando, but I see his not full into it looking at me from time to time. I try to avoid the eyecontact. It makes me sick. "Come with me", I hear a french accent next to my ear. Pierre stands behind me whispering these words. I am confused but get up. I haven't changed words with I'm yet so I don't know what he wants. We walk outside and sit on a table there. I feel the eyes of the others in my back and can see George whisper into Landos ear through the window. "Whats up" I try to put on a honest smile but he shakes his head. "Leave it. You don't need to act around me." My face drops, he doesn't buy it. Now he is starting to smile "No worries I don't want to fight. I don't care about whatever is going on with you and him" He points with his thumb over his shoulder on Lando inside. "But I am the only one who stays at the same hotel as you, as long as you staying in the hotel where Haas stays?" I nod, curious where this is heading. "I don't want you to wander around the city at that time of night. So if you want to leave tell me and we go together, so you can get home safely. Deal?" I look at him confused. "Deal." I say. "Good. Know chin up, you look like someone just took all your pride." He winks at me. He surprised me on all terms. Pierre is very caring and seems genuine. "Why are you doing this?" He stands up with a smile on his face "All people are weak from time to time. Even if they did something wrong they deserve support. And this is the least thing I can do for you." "Thank you", I am speechless, I never expected something like that tonight. Actually I never expected anything that happened tonight. He nods at me and we head back in. Lando comes our way and my heart sinks. "Let's talk" he just says and heads out. I am standing in the door. Pierre looks at me gives me nod and walks towards the table. The table is quiet and looks at us. Everyone but Charles. He still sleep in his seat. On Carlos,and Charlotte's face is worry. George seems stonecold and just stairs at me. Daniel has a slight smile, I didn't expect anything else. Max is giving me a thumbs up. I turn around seeing Lando stair at me in expectation to follow him. I take a deep breath and head out again. This time we don't sit down but stand just there in front of the shop. "Is it true? " I look at him. He is upset, doesn't know how to act so he steps from one foot to the other. "Yes, it is." "Who?" "I can't tell you." "Anna. You owe me this." Now I get angry. "I am sorry Lando but I don't. I do not owe you a thing. We are not in a relationship. We had sex once.. but nothing more."I shout at him angry with tears in my eyes."Just sex? That's all it was to you?" I nod. Lando shakes his head, his eyes getting teary as well. My heart hurts. "I don't believe it." he whispers and steps closer. "Anna, you are the one I want. Please. Why don't you can give us a chance." I close my eyes. Breath, Anna, breath. "I can't". I whisper, when I open my eyes again he is right in front of me. His hand reaches out to my cheek and his other arm wraps around my waist. I gasp out for air, it happens way to fast before I can even think about what's happening. Lando lays his lips on mine. Sweet but with a little bit of force. And automatically I kiss him back. This is what I wanted to do all night long. Our lips move for just a split of seconds when I get my mind back. I push him away from me and stair at him in shock. My fingertips wander up to my lip touching it in disbelief. He looks at me. Pain in his eyes breathless "Give us a chance Anna" Tears running down my face again, speechless about what just happened. "Lando. What have you done? " I gasp out. I step away from him still in disbelief. He kissed me even when knowing I am seeing someone. I turn away and walk fast to the door and head back inside. The look an the others face say more then any words. They're in absolute disbelief and shock. "Pierre I want to go", slowly but steady I find my voice. He gets up quickly and comes my way. Max holds up my purse that's still laying next to him. Pierre grabs it gives the other a wave and comes my way. I head out again where Lando still stands. He is running through his hair very emotional. Bits his lip to not start crying. It breaks me to see him like this, knowing I am the cause for it. "I am sorry Lando. But I am actually seeing someone. He doesn't deserve this. " This is it. There is nothing more to say. I see Pierre giving Lando a clap on the shoulder but then turns to me. We start walking down the road in silence.