Home. (L.N.)

39. Returning

My mind is completely blank. It's like it's been erased the moment my sister broken the news. I can still hear her words echoing in my thoughts when I finally connect my eyes with his. He is not noticeable very easily under his mask but his curls are so familiar to me that I could spot him anywhere. Astonishingly he is even more stunning as he was when we last saw each other. Our bodies collied hard against each other when I throw myself in his arms in the need for his comfort. Tight swing his arms around my body while his lips find my scalp frequently to place there small kisses. There wouldn't be a different person that I wanted to pick me up from Heathrow airport. I am glad he could make it and would drive me up to my sisters apartment. "Hey" he smiles down at me carefully. "Hi" I I whisper back emotionally drained. Since yesterday I haven't slept or laughed, neither did I smile. The pure anger and anxiety dominated my body. The way Daniel grabbed my hand in concern and the look in his eyes I will never forget. He had been amazing and even drove me to the airport and haven't left my side for the whole time. But he couldn't lighten up my mood the way Lando can. And just that is the case as he takes my hand in his and slowly pulls me with him towards the exit. He took the handle of my luggage in the other hand and so we go our way towards his car in silence. There are just no words that could make it better or take my fear. The whole ride he doesn't let go of my hand which is the only thing that's calms me a little. In the background the radio dimbles around while the familiar szenery flies by. His presence influences my bahavior drastically like he is my medicine. I can breath better and also a little nap is possible. But when we roll into the garage of my sister apartment complex my heart starts beating faster and faster again. After turning off the engine he gives me his full attention. "Your sister will be alright okay?" my head spins around like crazy. There is no way to handle all these feelings. I just realized I again underestimated how much I actually love this men but at the same time the fear for the life of my sister makes me so scared."Are you coming up with me? " I whisper. "You sure?" I nod and he now also nervous squeezes my hand. "Sure" we get out of the car and my feet find their way like in trance to the elevator that will bring us up to her floor. It's a way I walked so often in the last year it seems natural, but I actually never went this path with another person. It encourages me to have him with me. I am scared to see her and face the reality so it's good to have another person with me I can hold onto. Since yesterday I try to process it all, but I think it will take a long time. When we step out the elevator he falls a little behind, giving me the space I need but without letting me go alone into the situation. My key to her apartment turns in the lock and I swing the door wide open to find I different scene in front of me then I expected. Lots of stuff that had been here just a few months ago had disappeared. The air is fresh and cold. Normally it would be very warm and cuddly inside the apartment but nothing is normal anymore. "Liv?" I shout out before entering with Lando right behind me. There are noises behind the bedroom door that catch our attention and just moments later the figure of my sister appears in it. "Anna" she gasps out in surprise. "I told you I would come as soon as possible." "And I told you, you don't need to" she whispers and puts a string of hair behind her ear. Shocked by her looks I rush over without anymore arguing and close her into my arms. She lost weight already and her skin got this grey unhealthy shimmer that scares the shit our of me. The familiar tiredness we both noticed from our mother got now also on the upper hand of my sister's body as she fights this sickness. Her hands grab tight into my shirt and I feel her angst. She is scared for her life and so am I.

7 days later, Sunday the 26th of September

Butterflies fill my belly as I rush with my IPad and a huge bag of stuff in the hospitalroom. Liv needed to come in today for all the preparations. An operation should give back my sister her life, that was at least what the doctors told us. Even if it was unusual for this type of cancer, Liv decided to go ahead with this procedure. The most of the cancercells should be removed in this bug surgery, which would lead hopefully to less chemotherapy and a faster recovery. Of course I wouldn't leave her side for the whole time. Even with these covid restrictions I will be her rock in that wild sea.
Today is Sunday the day before the surgery and also Raceday. A smirk wanders over my face, when I remember the proudness in my chest I felt yesterday. The way I squeezed the hand of Liv in excitement. She needed to remind me not to hurt her when I couldn't believe the outcome of the Qualifying. And just five minutes later I started jumping up and down cheering out in pure happiness, dancing through her living room, while she followed my moves with a peaceful smile on her face. Something I didn't see much in the last week. The pain and anxiety had been heavy on her not on top the breakup from her boyfriend, who chose not to support but to leave and this time its forever. If he would turn up on the doorstop right now I would pray that somebody would act fast enough to get the hold of me. Otherwise I probably would beat the shit out of him. How dare he leaving her sick and making her facing it alone. She doesn't deserve so much better than this prick. Some kind and loving just like Lando. I am sure she will find someone in the future because she will beat this shit. She needs to.
When I looked over to her in that happy moment, that I will cherish forever, tears started rolling down my cheeks. It was huge bundle of emotions to handle as we watch Lando climbing out of that orange beauty. I could at least be happy for this glimpse of moment where all the shit of the world is shielded away from my heart. I could breath deeply and freely as he ran over to his team and jumped in their arms. I wished to be there in that moment so badly, celebrating as we planned but nobody could move me away from my sister, not even Lando. His first Pole and I couldn't be more proud.
But right now my nerves are still shaking. Last night I couldn't sleep very well, I was too nervous for today's race. When the alarm went off and we needed to get ready for the hospital, I was still wide awake.
The blue bag drops down on the chair close to the bed while the iPad lands on my sister lap. "Ouch" she complains as it kinda hitted her knee. "Sorry" I apologize while climbing in the bed next to her. She is so pale and the medications make her sick regularly. But my sister is fighting and with tomorrows surgery she will be on her way uphill again. It's still some time until my friends should get ready for the race. They all been truly amazing. Never in my life have I experienced such caring and thoughtful group of friends. Not only did at least one of the Schumachers daily on us but regularly messages would pop up on my screen even from people I wouldn't expected. Seb and his wife been a truly blessing while Lando FaceTimed a lot over the last week. It was great seeing him bond with my sister. And even this morning when I was under the shower they just talked and talked without me. I couldn't be more blessed with them. "Do you want to watch a movie?" Livs voice is soft. She is tired since this morning had been extremely rough. The drive to the hospital was so exhausting for her that her body refused more movement and she needed to throw up multiple times. The nurses gave her an infusion so she still received all the vitamins and minerals so her body could fight the cancer. "Don't you want to sleep a little?" I whisper and look over to her exhausted face. She shakes is energetic. "It's getting worse then. Could we maybe FaceTime your friends?" she smiles and just when they have been mentioned. It's no brainer and I choose Daniel since he is already the head of the party. I would love if some of his spirit would rub off on us. He immediately picks up the phone call and his beautiful curly head appears on my screen. My sister's head lays heavy on my shoulder but even with the strong medication she manages to smile. "Mister Avocado" I smile happy to see him. Somewhere close the Australian I hear loud laughter and Daniels face clearly shows dislike of the nickname. "Hello to you as well Miss Shorty" he shows me his tongue and I grin in response. "Is that Anna?" this thick accent is so unique I immediately recognize Pierre and just seconds later his head pops on my screen. "Hey there" he waves smiley and we both wave back. Daniel turns the camera back to him but other heads start to squeeze in the picture. "Look they're all here" After Pierre now also Charles and Carlos wave to us. Max lays his chin on Daniel's shoulder to smile at us. "How are you guys?" he asks while Daniel covers his ear with the free hand. I grin, Max has just naturally a very loud voice. I turn a little my camera so they could see my sister better. "We are fine" she smiles. It's a lie. But because we all know it is, it's fine somehow. Their both head snap to the right listening to somebody there. "Listen the driverparade will start in a moment we need to go.",Daniel explains. "Good luck guys" I smile and throw them kisses. "You just want Lando to win" Max laughs and walks off. There is no denial so I just smirk at his comment. "Pierre" my sister speaks up and Daniel passes the phone to him with a "Quickly" to signal they should really get going. I am surprised by my sister wish to speak to him. He is surely a great friend but not the closest out of this group for me. "Prenez bien soin d'elle, d'accord Pierre ?" Liv says in French and I see on his face a huge confusion. I don't know what she said to him but when he answers with "Je te le promets. Elle est en sécurité avec nous." she seems pleased with his response. My sister nods at him and he nods back at her. I am curious what that all is about but I neither speak French nor do I want to question my sisters action. She chose to say it in a language I don't understand so it's just not meant for my ears. He waves at us before the screen goes black again and we are back in this grey ugly hospital atmosphere.