Growing up with the sea in hot February, the Australian Ocean had been the love of Cyril's life. His surfing career was at its peak at twenty, winning him the trophy of his life in March, but March also got him a huge heartache. He got ghosted by hi...
Cyril walked back home with his surfboard. His mother heard the door and yelled, "Cyril! I made you some chocolate cookies, won't you taste them, dear?" "Not now, mom," He closed the door to his room, and fell on his bed, his blue eye looking down at the fabric, his body was numb but his mind was re-memorizing everything.
"You're making it harder for yourself by being a fucking tranny!"
He hated it.
"I think I'm making my own life harder by being homosexual," He remembered saying something similar past, "I should just hide in a closet forever,"
"Love is too beautiful to be hidden in closets,"
"Glizzly..." He looked into his phone, Glizzly's number, it was still there. He didn't know why he hadn't deleted it yet, it had been four years. He seemed to have forgotten him, but on days like those, he missed him. "Being gay is like glitter, it never goes away,"
He remembered that night he was so scared, how he thought everyone would make fun of him if they found out. So, dropped Glizzly. But now, he realised he was always thinking about himself, not even bothering to text Glizzly to tell him why he was distant, to tell him everything is okay. That relationship always stayed one-sided, Glizzly tried approaching him and he always ignored him. Cyril strongly believed he didn't deserve a great guy like him and proved that he didn't by leaving him. He scrolled down his gallery and looked at a picture of him.
He still looked the same, the same brown eyes, brown hair, white skin, freckles. Gathering up the courage to say sorry to him had been hard. Right beneath his number was Heart's number, this collision made his conscience shake, was he really doing the right thing?
. . .
Tristian sat on the beach while holding his surfboard, "Yo," Arthur slapped his back, "What are you doing? Don't you wanna practice for the finals?" Tristian looked down at the crystalline grains of sand, "I don't feel like it," "What happened?"
"...Did you ever feel that Cyril is a girl?" Arthur laughed, "Given to that faggot face he got, I won't be surprised even if he's completely blank down there. But you and I both have seen him half-naked, so that's highly improbable," "What if he's just...really flat?" "No girl has nipples like that, Tristian,"
"...Why were you focusing on his nipples in the first place?" "It was just an observation. I'm not gay, unlike him," "He's gay?"
"I don't know, it's just a rumour. Heard he was fucking some twenty-year-old man from Queensland in high school," Tristian looked at Arthur, "How do you know?" "Everyone knew," He got up and held his surfboard, "You should keep up with the gossip!" He wrapped the leash string around his ankle.
"Keep up with the gossip?" "Ask his mates. Bet they know him. Who knows," He smirked, "If they are just mates or more than that," "Cyril's not like that," "Yeah, you surely know him a lot, Tristian," Arthur smiled sarcastically and ran into the ocean. Tristian looked at his surfboard, the red stickers on it resembled tons of tiny clownfishes, the background a blue-green hue like the ocean, and a deep blue whale tattoo at its base, it almost remembered Cyril's back.
The whale slowly twisted itself, a stream of blood flowed through his spine, like rivers on dried land, and that's where the fins of the whale flapped themselves, moving through Cyril's skin. It reached his neck and began taking a U-turn, dispelling all the red freckles on his back, as if a shoaling just broke apart. He opened his eyes, his green eye had lit up and like a flash of light, the tiny green spark travelled to his other eye, making both of them green.
He stood before a mirror and saw that the whale had changed its position like phases of the moon. He touched his chest, his heart was beating fast, it felt surreal. As his body was not his own, he was in a female's skin, and it didn't feel comfortable. Not because he wasn't used to it, or that it would hinder surfing but merely because...
That was not who he was.
"Cyril," Mrs Edwards knocked at the door while he stood in his bathroom with his bra on. He looked at himself in the mirror, "Fuck," He began putting on his shirt, "Yeah, mom?" "Open the door, dear," She stood outside with a birthday cake in her hands, "I prepared a little surprise for you," "I'm kind of busy, I'll take a look at it later," "But honey, I made it for you,"
He quickly began brushing his hair "I need to go to University. I got some assignments to discuss," "It's Sunday, Cyril," "Whatever mom, I need to go to Edgar," "You keep on avoiding me, son. Have I done something wrong? Talk to me," "It's not about you, it's...it's me! But you don't have to worry, I'll fix this as soon as I can,"
"...I just thought we could spend some time together. It's your birthday, Cyril." He remained quiet for a minute, "I don't want to spend time with you," He smiled, "I guess you've grown up now, huh," "That's not it, mom," "Then why are you hiding from me as if I'm your dad?"
"I'm not hiding from anyone!" "I should just hide in a closet forever,"
It's happening again. That feeling of suffocation when frames of memories fill into the gaps between your breath, "You're never there for me, mom," "What do you mean, dear?" "You're always on the sidelines of my life, you never take an active part in it as a mother should. If you really cared about me, you would have left dad long ago. You wouldn't let him abuse me. Honestly, you both fucked me up. And now, I am as lost as a tiny fish in the ocean. I don't know who I am, or what I want or where I belong, all I see is neverending darkness. And this mortifying ordeal of being known that you put me through. I'm only good at surfing, but even that is something that was forced on me. And you know why you don't stop dad? Because you feel the same. He just shows it, you don't,"
"No, no dear. I would never-" "Bullshit. All you ever feed me are lies and false promises, but now, it is too hard to swallow, probably because I grew up to see through it but you failed as a parent... and as a human,"
He waited for her to say something, but since she didn't he accepted her silence as an answer, "I need some time,"
Mrs Edwards kept the cake on the dining table and sat on a chair, looking at the photo frames on the wall. She jittered his teeth and blinked her eyes several times, finally rubbing them with her fingers, Cyril sat in the bathroom with his head on his knees. He texted Edgar, "Meet me at the rift,"
Edgar's phone buzzed, "Oh, that's Cyril," Skyler looked at him, "What did he say?" They were sitting in his garage, working on some algae strains. Edgar was taking notes while Skyler was looking at them through the microscope. "He told me to meet him at the rift,"
Skyler checked his phone, "He didn't text me," "Maybe he forgot? You should come too," "No, I don't want to go uninvited," Skyler looked into the microscope, "You both have fun. I'll work on this strain,"
"Skyler..."
-To be continued
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
