Stefan sick/sad fics✨

touch starved

Ooooop look who's back ( for this one part lmao but anyways)

Author's note : Set in whatever year lily died in, Stefan's 10, Damon's 18

Damon's pov:
It's the middle of the night and I've been woken awake with a gasp because of a nightmare.. It's been a week since mother died. I take deep quiet breaths to calm myself down.. And it's only then I hear someone's quiet crying, sobbing.. And it just seems so close.. I suddenly am aware of the fact that someone is holding my hand.. It's Stefan. I know it's stefan. I get up abruptly and I feel him tense. I turn on the lamp and see him huddled onto the side of me bed, on the floor, clinging onto my hand like it's providing him comfort he has been starved of since God knows how long..  He retracts his hand and he is shaking, eyes wide and bloodshot, mouth agape, tears streaming down his face "s-sorry- didn't mean to- to-" He started stuttering scared and I don't know why.. I'm his brother.. Why would he be scared of me.. And then I thought about it..

2 months earlier :
Mother's health keeps deteriorating and I can't do anything about it. Anyone can't do anything about it. She's dying. That's what father said to me today. More than sadness, I feel anger, at myself, at how helpless I am, how I can do nothing to prevent my mother's death. Just then I see stefan jumping and coming towards me with flowers in his hand. Sunflowers, mother's favourite. "Damy! I plucked them just now for mama!! Look at them, aren't they pretty?! " I gave a slight nod because I wasn't in the mood to humour him and was too occupied in my thoughts. He tugged on the sleeve of my shirt and apparently not satisfied with my response, wanted me to pay attention to him, he was like that, loved hugs and affection, then again which 10 year old kid Doesn't ? But it was annoying me right now "Hey! See they are sooo pretty, aren't they?! They're gonna make mama all fine and healthy, right damy? Damy!?? " He tugged on my sleeve again and I jerked him off annoyed, grabbing him by his shoulder. " YOUR STUPID FLOWERS ARE GOING TO DO NOTHING! " I didn't know what had gotten into me and before I knew it I was yelling at him and grabbing the flowers out of his hands and throwing them on the ground. He looked scared , bottom lip quivering and eyes full of tears waiting to be shed, but at that moment I didn't care. I pushed him out of my way and he stumbled to his knees.. I walked away to my room and as I turned to close my door I saw him sobbing, trying to gather the flowers he had oh so gently plucked out of our garden, some of them were trampled by me unknowingly. With shaking arms he picked all of them and clutched them  close to his chest crying softly. In that moment I felt horrible. But I didn't say anything. I banged the door shut and the last thing I saw was my little brother flinching to the sound of it.

I remember the incident which I had blocked from my mind up until now. As I'm thinking I realise how much I've hurt him in the last two months , too frustrated because of mother's poor health ignoring him and rejecting every attempt of his to talk to me, I was so engrossed in my hurt I forgot that he's a child, equally hurt, if not more, because of his mother's condition .. I realise he had no one, father has never been good to us and all he's done past those days is shout at us for spending too much time with mother or making too much noise, he forbade stefan from going to visit her three months before her death , because whenever he went he refused to leave her and "made a fuss", in father's words, and we had to forcibly remove him from the room, him crying and begging to let him spend a few more moments with his mother .. After I snapped I remember him coming to my room in the middle of the night after a nightmare in which he saw mother dying and he begged me for reassurance and comfort and all I did was push him away making him deal with everything on his own.. God.. What have i done!?! I shake my thoughts away and look at him and he's holding his head in his hands sputtering apologies shaking and sobbing uncontrollably. "Hey.. Hey.. Shh.. It's okay, you don't have to be sorry.. " I kneel down to his level and he raises his head to look at me, he's confused, as if this is something out of custom, he feels so unfamiliar with this, seems like he has forgotten to be comforted by someone .. By me.. "W-wha-" I put a hand on his shoulder and he gasps, why.. I remove my hand thinking I made him uncomfortable but as soon as I did it I noticed his eyes fixed on my hand.. I can feel the fear in his eyes..and, something I detect as longing.. "Oh Stef.. " I envelope his little shaking body into a hug as soon as I realise why and he gasps and tenses , but then relaxes, and it's like a dam has broken, he starts crying like I've never seen him cry. He's gone so long without someone's loving, warm, comforting touch.. He's so touch starved that in the middle of the night, when no one's watching, he comes to his brother's bed and holds his hand, just to feel the warmth of a loved one, how could I let this happen to this child? He's- how- my heart's breaking at the gut wrenching cries Stefan's letting out while I run my hand up and down his back trying to soothe him, I feel him shiver and tremble as I remove the bangs out of his forehead and kiss his forehead and his arms wrapped around me grip me with more intensity, like he's giving all he has just to hold on to me, like I'm everything he knows, like he needs me to ground him and make him feel like he's safe, he's okay.. "D-damy.. " He finally croaks after calming down a bit.. "Stefan.. I- I'm so sorry.. The way I've been treating you- it's- it's just-" "No- no- it's not your fault- you were busy- stressed.. I should've known better than to-" He's still trying to defend me, after the way I've ignored him and made him feel dejected for months now, making him feel all alone, unwanted.. "No Stefan. It is my fault. And- I didn't realise what I was doing to you and for that I'm so sorry. " I hugged him fighter and rested my chin on his hair as he buried his face in my chest.. "F-felt so alone- thought you hated me- were going to leave like mama left me- she- she left because I wasn't good enough- I just-" He sobbed  "Hey, hey no- shh.. That's not true, none of it.. Mother loved you.. Listen to me.. I cupped his face in my hands gently and noticed the dark circles, like he had been crying himself to sleep every night, oh my god my poor baby brother , " I love you, and I'm sorry for making you feel that way.. I am so sorry Stefan, please forgive me.. " " I forgive you damy, I love you so much" He said as he buried himself in my arms and chest. I felt himself slowly falling asleep in my embrace and picked him up to move him to my bed , I winced at how light he felt, god.. Has he even been eating properly? He's ten for God's sake?!? How could I do this to him when i know I am all he has left, his clinging on to me in his sleep and all I can think about is how deprived of love and affection he must've felt, the lack of warmth of someone's loving touch causing him to cling on me for dear life. I put him on the bed with his little head  on top of my chest as I wipe the tears from his face and make a quiet promise to take care of him and never let him down and make him feel those things I did, because he deserves to feel happy and safe as a child, and I will go to any extent to assure he does.

Author's note: omg been so long since I've written anything and GOD I HOPE MY WRITING DOESN'T SUCK NOW😩😩 I  hope y'all like this little thing I wrote and love you take care💘💘💘