Something About The Sunshine

Chapter Eighteen

"Well...we haven't done this in years", Beck noted awkwardly as he put another coat of royal blue nail polish on my finger nails.

That's right, Beck was painting my nails.

It was a punishment we created in middle school for whenever he was being an assshole. It's uncharacteristic of him, but has happened every now and then through the years.

"Because you haven't fucked up in years", Kyra said as she rolled her eyes. It was quite clear that she was pissed, meanwhile my time with Grayson had calmed me down exponentially.

"I'm pretty sure the last time it was because you said Kyra was acting like a bitch in like 11th grade. Didn't she make you put on 3 layers of top coats also", I smiled trying to ease the tension.

"And also organize her make up desk", he chuckled.

Kyra let out a cough with a sharp glare to Beck and he sighed before looking at me.

"It's obvious that I fucked up last night. No matter what my excuse is, what I said was beyond wrong and clearly unlike me. I can't say it enough but I really am sorry Lee", Beck said as his green eyes searched my own.

"Why did you do it Beck? Not only did you rub my abused past in my face but you did in front of other people... other people who had no idea what happened. I should've been able to tell them what happened on my own terms. You took that choice away from me", I explained softly.

"I know, and I want you to know that you did nothing wrong", he said as he leaned back, my nails done and almost completely dry.

"Then why Beck? Why say something so cruel and heartless? Your words were hurtful and mostly because they came fron you. Don't you know who you are to me Beck? You're like a second older brother, you were my rock when Luke left. I love you Beck, why would you say something like that", I asked, my tone becoming rather frustrated.

Every other word I said seemed to make him flinch, causing me to raise an eyebrow at him as Kyra sat down on my bed also. His eyes were beginning to water and I could tell his breathing was becoming heavier. I was tired of the silence though, of him trying to beat around the bush.

"God dammit Beck why did you say that to me", I yelled.

"Because I feel guilty for what happened to you Leah!"

His eyes had become so vibrant with emotion, even when the emotion was causing tears to slip down his cheeks.

I sat and waited as he tried to cool down. I was taken back by his outburst. Why would he feel guilty? He didn't introduce me to Jordan, and he had no idea Jordan was hitting or abusing me. On all accounts from the outside we probably looked like the perfect couple back then.

"It was something I was afraid of when I first realized my feelings for Kyra. I wondered how you would feel. It's always been us 3, there for each other always and never once had any line been crossed between any of us. But liking Kyra...loving Kyra, I knew it would change all that. I knew that changed the dynamic. And what would that make you, our third wheel? You were already having a rough time at school. You confided in me almost weekly about how alone and unwanted you felt. What would happen when I changed the dynamic of our friendship and tried to pursue Kyra? I didn't want to lose you just because I love Kyra. I love you too Leah. I love you so fucking much it hurts, but it's just in a different kind of way. I love you the way people love their little siblings. Leah when I look at you I see a little sister, someone who needs protecting, someone who has a piece of my heart and soul... someone I'd kill over".

"When you introduced us to Jordan I felt like a weight had been lifted. You seemed so in love with him just within the first few months. You seemed so much better, so much happier. So I thought maybe this was my chance. Maybe with you happy I could try to commit to my feelings to Kyra and tell her I love her. I was so excited and nervous about my own feelings that I dropped the ball. I slacked off on protecting you because I thought Jordan was your person, the person who would make you happy and be the man you deserved. I trusted that he'd do right by you. But maybe I just didn't want to see the signs that may have been there. What if there were signs of how dangerous he was, and I didn't see them because I was too busy trying to focus on my own love life? What if I could've caught that something about him was off if I had just paid more attention", Beck explained. Each tear that now escaped his eyes brought tears to my eyes as well.