Sunflower [h.s.]

20 - Addiction

A/N: Just a heads up, most other chapters are around 3000 words and this one is almost 5000, so prepare yourself for a bit longer of a chapter! Just wanted to give you guys a heads up!

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After the other night with Harry, things had been good. Really good. Too good. We'd been spending more and more time together, as impossible as that seemed, and I relished every moment of it. He had even come to visit me at work one day, insisting to pay for his tour, regardless of my protests, and staying with me the rest of the day until I closed up the aquarium.

I couldn't believe he'd spent nearly his entire day off just watching me work and keeping me company as I took care of the animals. Even during the tour, he seemed invested in my every word as if I were giving a tour just for him. Maybe I was, because it nearly felt like it. I wasn't sure if he was aware, but I could just about see him making a mental note when I'd mentioned that whales were my favorite animal. I was almost certain he'd be asking me about that later, which he did.

"Why are whales your favorite animal?" he asked as I was feeding the manta rays after finishing my last tour. The manta rays that had reminded me of the song he'd sent me weeks ago ever since the day he'd sent it.

"Well, they're obviously extremely large. Large enough to swallow you whole if they wanted to, really. But even though they're so big and ominous, most species are actually completely harmless to anything other than krill and other small crustaceans. They're so big, yet so gentle and calm. It's just so fascinating to me," I replied, noticing the warm smile that was spreading across his face as I talked.

"It really is fascinating," he'd remarked, watching intently as I dipped my hand into the water, the manta rays quickly circling around me.

"What's your favorite animal?" I asked, looking up briefly before continuing my routine.

"There's too many to have a favorite, but if I had to choose... probably sloths," he responded. "They just like to chill, ya know?" he breathed. I often wondered how every word that came out of his mouth seemed like a breath of fresh air to me.

"Yeah, I guess," I laughed.

For the entire week, any time that wasn't spent with him was spent thinking of him, sending the familiar feeling of anxiety creeping into my mind. It wasn't that I was upset with myself for liking him, he was such a great person and probably the kindest soul I'd ever met. The problem was me.

In a relationship, I'm usually the one that's distant. I'm the one who keeps their cool, who doesn't get attached too quickly because I already know how things will inevitably end. They always do.

But with Harry, it was like my mouth would move faster than my mind, agreeing to things before I had time to think them through. My stomach fluttered at the sight of him before my brain could calm it. Everything about him made me act against my own will and I hated myself for it.

My latest lapse in judgement was earlier today when I agreed to let him take me on a proper date, something that we'd failed to do until now. Just the thought of it had my pulse increasing and my mind racing at all of the things that could go wrong. Normally I'd be freaking out in an entirely different way, making sure that I didn't get too hopeful and that I paced myself. Then again, everything with Harry had been different.

I was also mentally kicking myself for even putting myself through this torture in the first place. I knew for a fact that if Isabel were having this issue, I'd give her the best advice that a best friend could offer. I'd be telling her that there's nothing to worry about, that love is a beautiful thing and you shouldn't stop yourself from enjoying every moment of it. Why couldn't I just say that to myself?