Sunflower [h.s.]

2 - Crescent Moon

We all walked into the bar, Isabel immediately approaching a bartender, ordering shots for everyone. The music was loud, but not unbearable. The bar was dark, the only lights were colored lights strobing on the floor in front of the stage in the back.

I was actually feeling fine and excited to see how the night went, compared to my usual feelings of fear in settings like this. Adam's friends made me feel much better, they all seemed friendly. None of them had asked me if I was single yet, which is a shock considering how most of these kinds of things go for me.

As my eyes scanned the crowd, I was in awe of the drunk, sloppy people dancing in such close quarters with people they barely know. I couldn't imagine myself being brave enough to actually dance when I was out with my friends, let alone with a stranger. I continued watching as the song changed, and a few girls were screaming with excitement.

When I looked back over to Isabel, I noticed Adam and all of his friends having such a good time. I couldn't understand why, but I had a nagging feeling to leave. It didn't make sense, they were all so nice to me and we seemed to get along just fine, but something about being in this setting with them made me feel itchy. What happens when they're all dancing and I'm just standing there? It will be awkward and I'll feel out of place, just like I always do.

I was beginning to think that maybe it wasn't Adam's choice in friends that was the problem, but that it was me. No matter how hard I tried, I could never allow myself to let go of my insecurities and have fun around other people.

"Isabel's ordering another round of shots, you in?" I was so stuck in my own head, I hadn't even noticed Harry leaning against the bar next to me. When did he even get there? And there I was again, so stuck in my mind that I'd forgotten what he'd asked me.

"Sorry, what did you say?" I asked. I desperately wished that I could pull myself together just for one fucking night.

"You want another shot? Isabel's ordering." I always drove myself for when I decided the night was over, usually before everyone else. I didn't think another shot was the best decision at the moment, given the confusing mush that was my mind.

"I don't think so, I have to drive home. Thanks, though." I smiled politely, noticing his green eyes.

"No problem. Why are you over here by yourself? I saw you staring, are you okay?" he asked kindly, turning his head to watch the crowd of people, just as I had a few minutes before. I didn't want to tell him that even with his charismatic personality, and Sarah being here as well, I still didn't feel like I belonged.

Why did I feel that way? He's obviously a friend, he's asking how I am and not because of formality. He's nice and hasn't made an advance on me. The same is true for Sarah and Mitch, they'd both been so nice to me and for some reason I was standing alone, distancing myself.

"Do you ever feel like you'll never find a place where you feel you truly belong?" I asked, deciding to ignore any premonitions telling me to run. He looked over at me with a subtle nod.

"Most times, it's hard for me to imagine being with someone for too long, even with friendships. It's hard for me to rely on someone so easily and just trust that they'll still be there when I need them most." He didn't hesitate to answer me, it was obvious he hadn't just said something to make me feel better. I couldn't believe he had been so transparent and honest. I hummed in agreement.

"For me, it's hard to meet a group of people and not feel out of place. Well, honestly meeting anyone new gives me that feeling. It's not even because I'm judgmental or picky about who I spend my time with. Honestly, I wouldn't mind if anyone would just be my friend. I know there's Isabel, but she's my only friend. Sometimes I think I get so scared that people won't like me, I just isolate myself so I don't have to know the truth," I stated, quite honestly. I wasn't sure why I was being so open, but it actually felt good. I began to pick at my nails nervously. I'd only ever told Isabel how I felt about meeting new people.