Sunflower [h.s.]

15 - PB&B

Yesterday was a whirlwind of emotions. After sulking for nearly two weeks, I decided to confront my feelings, which was extremely new for me.

I've never been the type to act on my emotions. Even excluding the relationship aspect, I don't usually let my emotions affect my actions. I tend to bottle things up, but as you expected, there's also usually a moment where the bottle explodes, as do I. Yesterday night was one of those moments.

I wasn't expecting Harry to handle the situation as gracefully as he did. I was the one who hurt him, yet he spent most of the night comforting me. It was weird to experience.

Our relationship before last night was strictly platonic, and I hadn't realized how things could change for the better once we became more, I'd only thought about the worst case scenario, which I have a bad habit of clinging to.

I thought that after I dumped my apology on him, that he would still be upset with me. I thought that I'd hurt him too much and he wouldn't want to even be friends anymore because I know it's hard to forget when someone does you wrong. But, contrary to what I thought, he was really understanding.

I was appalled at how understanding and forgiving he was because if I were in his shoes, I would've started building more walls and tried to protect myself from the person who hurt me. Harry was the exact opposite.

He didn't mind that I'd hurt him, he only cared that I came back. He didn't care that I allowed my fears to get in the way, he was just proud that I'd overcome them. It made me see him in a new light, as if I didn't already think he was the kindest person on earth.

After I'd showed up at his house - like a fucking stalker, might I add - we sat on his couch for a while. I tried to stop crying, but it was hard not to, considering all of the emotions I was feeling. Even though I was safe in his arms, I couldn't escape my thoughts, no matter how hard I tried.

"What's wrong? You know everything's okay now, right?" he had asked, quietly but reassuringly. He was sitting on the couch and I was curled up next to him, his arms around me, and my head pressed against his chest.

"I know," I sniffled. "I'm just feeling a lot of things right now and I don't know how to really deal with it. I'm upset with myself for pushing you away, but I'm also happy that you're so understanding and kind, even when I don't deserve it-"

There was so much more that I wanted to say, I felt like I had to make sure he knew how thankful I was, but I couldn't talk over my sobbing. I wished I could control it, but there was just too much pressure in me. The bottle was exploding.

"Shh. It's okay, just let it out," he responded, stroking my hair and calming me down in the process. "If there's one thing you should know about me, it's this. My feelings for you aren't conditional. When I met you, you were this magnet that just kept drawing me in, and it was the best feeling I've ever felt. It still is," he was telling it like a story, but I knew he was being genuine.

"At the same time, we were friends before we were anything more, which you made pretty clear," he chuckled and I giggled, thinking back to the day I'd rejected him when he was only trying to be my friend.

"All jokes aside, I knew that you weren't really ready for anything else, and I was okay with being your friend, even though I liked you. So you pushing me away isn't going to change my feelings for you, I was perfectly content with being your friend forever and just never telling you," he finished, resting his head on mine.

It felt so odd to allow someone to be so close to me, but it felt so good at the same time. It was nice to be honest with Harry about how I was feeling, especially because I knew he was so open himself. I just wished it didn't feel so foreign to me.