Sunflower [h.s.]

11 - Walls

Last night was probably the most outgoing I had ever been, and I slightly regretted it. All of my sober, logical thoughts were thrown out the window and I acted out of pure instinct, which led me to a more terrifying realization. I wanted to be with Harry, and badly.

I was very aware of all of the reasons why I shouldn't, I had even made a pros and cons list. They were pretty equal, but Will had left me scarred and it was hard to imagine myself with someone new. It was hard to imagine myself in a healthy relationship.

On the other hand, Harry wasn't Will. Will was a dick before I was with him, so it wasn't exactly a shocker that he was the same after we got together. It was my fault for thinking that I could fix him, or that I was special to him, so he'd treat me better than he did everyone else.

Harry was different. He was the most generous and kind person I'd ever met. He's so caring and understanding that I honestly couldn't imagine him treating me badly like Will had. But thinking of that only made me think of something that happened when I first moved here, but didn't really want to think about.

It'd been quite a while since I'd thought about it, and I really rathered that it stayed deep in the back of my mind.

Either way, last night I promised myself if I felt the same way as I did last night, I would kiss Harry today. I did still feel the same way, I wanted to be with him so badly, but being sober had reminded me of all the doubts and fears I magically forgot about last night.

If I actually went for it and kissed him, there'd be no going back. It was an impulsive decision that I'd have to make, and I wasn't the impulsive type, hence the pros and cons list. I could never make a big decision without obsessing over it for at least a month, if not more.

Harry and I had plans later this afternoon and I was still unsure if I would do anything or not. The tension between us had been building for weeks and was undeniable after last night. I just didn't know if I had the gall to actually do something about it.

I decided to finish the painting I had been working on while I waited for Harry to pick me up, the one with the cold and rocky beach. The scene was a bit plain with just the cliff and the waves, so I grabbed a small brush and started mixing the paints.

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I finished the painting just as Harry arrived at my apartment. I knew it was him from the sound of his signature knock coming from my door, it was always the same. I ran to the door after setting down my paintbrush and taking one last look at the canvas. I was really proud of how it came out.

I opened the door for Harry, noticing his brown oversized sweater and loose jeans. He always wore the cutest outfits, leaving me looking like I was homeless next to him.

"Take a picture, it will last longer," he chuckled as I swatted his arm.

"I just like your outfit, don't flatter yourself," I responded as I grabbed his arm, pulling him in and shutting the door. As I turned back around to face him, I realized how close our faces were. My eyes darted between his lips and his eyes, not knowing which to focus on. Kiss him.

"Wait here, I have to get changed. I got carried away with painting, sorry," I rambled, sliding past him and walking to my room. I honestly don't know why I didn't just kiss him, it would have been so easy.

I found myself thinking about his lips as I changed quickly, beating myself up for not having the courage. I hurriedly grabbed my wallet, rushing out of my room. As I walked out of the hallway, I found Harry looking at the painting that I'd just finished.

"Oh, god. You weren't supposed to see that," I sighed. It was a pretty vulnerable piece and it was pretty representative of what I was feeling at the moment.