Sunflower [h.s.]

3 - As If

After a long night of slumber, I was feeling refreshed and brand new. Last night had been such a new experience. There was so much to unpack and I still had to call Harry at some point to go pick up my car.

I crawled out of bed, making my way to the kitchen to make breakfast, or more like brunch considering the time. I made oatmeal with banana slices and sat at the bar to eat, unable to shake my thoughts from the previous night.

I replayed the night in my mind, focusing on each crazy thing I'd done. The first being my first real conversation with Harry ended with me oversharing and him completely understanding. It was already confusing that I'd open up to someone so quickly, but his response was even more confusing. I wasn't used to people giving a shit about me.

Of course there was Isabel, but I didn't have anyone other than her. My parents loved me, sure, but they didn't care enough about me to listen to anything I'd ever have to say. I was so open with Harry after spending years of my life building up walls and he had been just as vulnerable with me.

I also couldn't believe I had agreed to let him take me home, let alone the fact that I'd drank so much somewhere other than home or Isabel's. Not only did I drink somewhere I wasn't familiar with, but I'd done it in front of people I'd just met. It was so hard for me to understand why I'd done any of the things I'd done last night, but I chalked it up to a psychotic break. It wasn't like me. At all.

I usually had an unshakable craving for control and I didn't feel right if I weren't the one holding the reigns. I didn't go out often because I couldn't control who would be there and I couldn't control what they'd think of me. I didn't drink on the occasion that I did go out so I could leave on my own time and when I was ready.

I lived alone so I didn't have to share my space with anyone else, and I definitely didn't want to rely on anyone else to get things done for me. I loved animals, but I didn't want to own a pet, because it was too much of a hassle to try to take care of an animal when they can be so unpredictable.

It was hard to imagine myself letting go, which is exactly what I'd done last night. I threw every instinct I had out the window. And even though it may have been fun for the night, it wasn't something I could do often. It just wasn't me.

Thinking about my unprecedented behavior was giving me a bit of a stomachache, and I was debating on going ahead and calling Harry so I could at least have my car in my possession.

I washed my bowl and headed into my room, grabbing my phone and searching though my contacts to find Harry's number. The phone dialed as I waited for him to answer. Just as I thought I was about to reach his voicemail, he picked up.

"Hello?" he answered, sounding a bit confused.

"Would've been smart to get my number as well last night, so you'd know who was calling," I responded, chuckling at his confusion.

"Sorry, I took so long to answer," he laughed. "I was playing and thought maybe it was a telemarketer or something, but then I remembered you and your car."

"Am I interrupting? It's okay if you need to call back la-"

"No, it's fine, I was just writing a little something. It was good that you called because I was just starting to get stuck. Maybe our ride will give me a bit of inspiration," he quipped, dissolving my worries.

"Okay, good. I was thinking you could swing by here in maybe thirty minutes? Just to give me time to get ready, last night was a bit wild for me," I chirped nervously, not really wanting to revisit the details of last night.

"Sure thing," he agreed. "I'll see you then."

"See you then," I responded, promptly hanging up the phone.