Loving Lance (Loving Jaxton Spin-off)✔️

Chapter 2

Izzy's POV

Maddie's back over that night. We're watching a sappy romance movie and she's eating popcorn in my bed as I rub the bottom of my tank top between my fingers. And I'm contemplating two things. College or death? Which will it be.

On one hand, I have a chance to get out of here and try something else with my life.

On the other hand, all the pain stops and I won't feel anything anymore. And I won't have to live in pain anymore.

"Have you ever thought about dying?" I randomly blurt out as she pauses the movie.

"What?" She asks as I look over at her.

"Have you ever thought about suicide or dying or just death? How you'd do it? What you'd do?" I ask her as she shakes her head no.

"I can't say that I have, where's this coming from Iz?" She asks putting the popcorn down and sitting closer to me.

"Nowhere just thinking" I whisper as she stops me. "No, it's no. Izzy, don't tell me you're-" she starts as I sigh. She looks into my eyes as I look down at my hands and cover them. That's when she realizes what I'm doing and immediately grabs my hands and sees my wrists I've kept covered. I just have fun with razor blades sometimes that's all.

"IZ! What have you?! No! You are not taking my sister away do you hear me? Never! You aren't! You can't do this to me! To you! To my family! Izzy, I love you with my whole heart what's wrong? Why are you? No! Please don't do this." she immediately starts as tears whelp in her eyes and she hugs me tightly.

"I'm sick of it all Mad. I'm sick of it." I whisper to her as she holds my face in her hands.

"Then let's go. Where are we going to college? What's our plan? Who are we leaving behind?" She asks as I shake my head no.

"I can't get away like that," I tell her as she nods.

"I'll disappear with you. Anywhere" she tells me as I shake my head no. "You can't and you won't. Paxton means way too much to you and I know that the college ten minutes from here is for you Mads. You'll get married and have babies while I-, I don't know." I tell her as she shakes her head no.

"Iz, what can I do? How can I make you feel loved?" She asks as I sigh and feel my tears whelp. "Nothing Mad, I just love you okay?" I ask her as she nods.

"I love you too." She tells me as I nod and hug her tighter. "Please don't Iz. It would kill me if I lost you in my life." She tells me as I nod and wipe my tears. But I know it wouldn't, I really think she's so much happier without me and I'm bringing her down, I know I am.

"Mads I just think about it sometimes," I tell her and she shakes her head no.

"Is this about this morning? That guy? Iz, why didn't you tell me?" She asks as I sigh.

"Because I'm embarrassed which is why you will never know who he was. It broke me, Maddie, when I tell you I loved him Mads, I loved him, hard." I tell her as tears whelp in my eyes.

"What happened?" She asks holding me close to her.

"I thought he loved me too, but he was fucking other people," I whisper as she sighs, she has no idea I'm talking about her brother.

"Iz he's a moron. I'm sorry." She tells me as I sigh and nod. The good thing is that she looks nothing like Lance, so I don't feel like I'm talking to him in some way.

"Just made me second guess everything about me. And then, I just, having sex makes the pain go away, sleeping around makes me feel like I'm hurting him too, even if we aren't together anymore." I tell her as she sighs and nods.