Fall For Me

24

EDITED

24

Josh: Hey, can you come by and help me with something?
Jaycee: Sure thing

On Tuesday's, Jackson never does anything. He always stays home. He doesn't hangout with Matt or Caleb or go out with a hookup. I was really nervous I would run into him.

I used the elevator to go up to Josh's dorm room level and you probably would believe who was standing waiting for the elevator when I got up to the floor.

Jackson Garfield.

"Please, move." I asked very politely, as if I didn't even know him.

"Jaycee, please, can we talk about this?" Jackson pleaded. I harshly pushed past him, making a bee-line away from him.

Couldn't he take a hint? He was the last person I wanted to even see right now.

"Jaycee..."

"Stop!" I yelled. I would have felt bad for disturbing others, had most people not been at classes at this time (2:30pm) or out in general. "Jackson, you don't get to try and talk to me like its your damn decision when I'm ready to talk to you. Do you even realize what you did to me?"

"I'm not trying to force you to talk to me. I just want to talk to you - I want to explain." He explained. "Jace-"

"I have asked you to not call me that." I reminded him.

"Jaycee, sleeping around was how I dealt with the death of my father. Claire died the same damn way. Her death has affected a lot more people than just you, Josh, and Claire's family. I was dying inside and I lost myself."

"Well, I'm sorry. Is that what you wanted to fucking hear? I never asked anything from you, you offered it all to me. You told me this wasn't a game to you and you promised you'd never cheat on me. You told me you'd never cheat!" At this point, I was breaking down into tears and my voice was cracking.

"What about me, dammit?! I fucking love you, that's why I voluntarily did everything I could to help you, even if it was scarring me in the process. Did you ever take a second to realize how many memories it's bringing back being around a ton of people talking about Clarissa Evans - the girl who was killed by a drunk driver?"

"It kills me too, Jackson. Everyday since the day she died has been a struggle to get out of bed. Sometimes, I have to wake up in the morning and I have to give myself a mental list of reasons why I should get up. After you cheated on me, that was one less thing to get up for."

"I know how that feels, I just wish you'd give me-"

"You don't know how it feels!" I cried. "You don't how it feels to have been cheated on by someone you love that claims to have loved you too." I wanted to punch myself as I allowed more tears to fall from my eyes. "You had so many people to help you through Lance's death, Jack. I had you. That was all. And then I lost you, too." The last sentence came out as barely a whisper. I left him there, shocked, and I continued my way to Josh's dorm room.

So much for getting past Jackson with ease.

That got pretty heated, pretty fast.

Then I realized something...

"What about me, dammit?! I fucking love you..."

And I said it back.

"You don't how it feels to have been cheated on by someone you love..."

In some weird and twisted way we had exchanged our first I love you's. Probably our last, too. The worst part? I didn't regret saying it, because, well, why regret the truth?