Love gives hope

Chapter 34 "what is that?"

Derek's Point-of View

"Is your wife being paranoid again, Dr. Shepherd?" Curtis asked me as he moved the arm of the machine around to where the light was hitting my chest.

"As always." I chuckled.

"When are you going to tell her to shut up and worry about that baby she's growing?"

"The day I want a divorce." I scoffed, "Which will be never."

"Very true." He chuckled "She is standing right behind me, isn't she?"

I glanced over his shoulder to see my lovely, yet pissed off wife standing behind the glass in the x-ray viewing room and smiled at her.

"A little to your left, but yes."

"Great." He sighed then turned and grinned at Meredith, "How's it going Mrs. S?"

She gave him a flat smile and then the bird...ah that's my girl.

"Right so.." he sighed, "Just stand up straight and hold your breath when I tell you to."

"I know the drill." I nodded.

I stood still and pressed my back against the cold hospital wall as Curtis walked back into the viewing room, exchanging a few words with my wife—friendly ones I am sure... I stood tall, and proud as I looked at her and the belly she wore that cradled our baby. I felt butterflies in my stomach as I did every time I looked at the belly. After the first round of brutal chemo, they told me that I probably wouldn't ever father children. The chemo was so aggressive that it'd diminished my sperm cells to nearly nothing.

I've had 30 rounds of chemo over the last 11 years.

So, imagine my surprise when I found out she was pregnant? Can you blame me for questioning it? No, I wasn't ever questioning her fidelity, I just couldn't believe it was mine...but it was—that baby was all mine. Seeing it kick and move and it's perfect little Shepherd profile on the ultrasound...it was mine.

I really wished I didn't have to call it and it anymore. Stubborn woman.

"Alright, take a deep breath and hold it!"

I sucked in a deep breath and held it...doing my best to keep my facial expressions flat and calm. If I winced, she would notice; then, she would be worried.

I didn't want her worried.

"Alright good Derek, you can put your shirt back on now."

"Thanks." I stifled a cough as I blew out the breath of air I'd been holding.

I yanked my shirt back on and walked into the room where she stood rocking back and forth on her feet. I put my arm around her and kissed the top of her head to reassure her that all would be well.

"Is it up yet?" Meredith asked anxiously.

"Patience baby." I breathed; she gave me a look that said she wasn't amused. "Or not...you know, machines can only go as fast as they're made to."

"Well, maybe they need to be made to go faster." She hissed under her breath.

"Two more minutes." Curtis chuckled.

Curtis was a friend I'd gotten to know well from the start of my time here. He was the head radiologist here at SGH, and being how many times I'd been x-rayed and prodded, I got to know him well. He was a little geeky, especially with the thick black framed glasses he chose to wear...but he knew his stuff, and had a great sense of humor.

"It's done." He said, pulling the film from the printer.

I gulped nervously as he slapped it up on the light board and flipped the switch on. We all looked at it intently, dissecting anything out of place or that didn't belong there. I rocked back with little relief as I made my diagnosis.

"All clear." Curtis said, "his chest looks healthy and clean."

"See." I smiled at her, "Told you."

"Yeah." She scoffed, "What is that?"

I shifted a little as she pointed at a spot on the screen next to my third intercostals. Curtis squinted and peered at it through his thick glasses, then relaxed his face.

"The tiny amount of scar tissue he seems to have from the last surgery." Curtis said "I'm shocked that he doesn't have more scar tissue. Usually, iit's like a web with all the surgeries he's had. As far as his chest goes, he is fine."

"Ok." She sighed, then looked at me remorsefully, "I'm sorry."

"For what." I said, taking her into my arms and kissing her forehead, "Worrying about me? That's your job...remember?"

"Yes." She laughed, "I thought my job ended when you got discharged."

"Ah, yes, but then you married your patient."

"Best mistake of my life." She said with a peck of my lips. I frowned as I wasn't sure how to take that... "I've got a mountain of paperwork to get back to, see you at home?"

"Always." I smiled.

"Thanks for putting up with me Curtis." She said as she walked out the door.

"Anytime Mrs. S!"

I waited until the door shut, and then counted to ten to make sure the coast was clear. I gasped and bent over as the pain in my gut started to wrap itself around me like a cinching clamp. I wheezed and breathed deeply to try to let it surpass. I felt my stomach clamp down and the pain started making me nauseous.

"You ok, man?" he asked.

"Trash can." I groaned through my clenched teeth.

Curtis shoved the trash can my way just in time as I hurled everything into it. I spit and wiped my mouth off. I took a few deep breaths and felt a little better as I stood up straight and looked at his complex face.

"You should really tell her." He said, "She's smart."

"I know...I know she's smart." I said, "I'm not afraid that she'll find out...it's what she'll want me to do that I can't handle."

Curtis nodded at me and left me to my thoughts.

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply until my stomach settled, I whispered to myself...

"Four more months... four more months."