Beloved

Chp. 54

Lilith

Monster...

I've heard of monsters from books and seen those that resemble them. I've had numerous sleepless nights as a child after hearing their tales. They lurked in the darkness with such evil in their hearts. Just the mere thought of them was able to make me shudder and tremble in fear.

Khael did not resemble any of them at all. He was no monster. A monster would not protect his people to bring greater future. A monster would not risk his life for his wife and child. He would not have such warmth in his eyes and tell me that I am worthy to be loved. He was a man that would rather have his ribs crushed to pieces than see anyone lay a finger on me. How could such a man be a monster?

"I've been selfish thinking keeping all of this away from you would be better for you...when in fact I did it for myself. In the end, I've had you suffer for the wrongs I've done."

Nakoa, Naibi, Ansel...their names were no longer so foreign to me. He told me, revisiting the moments he did not wish to remember. He promised that there would never be anything to hide from me again.

His words seeped deeply inside of me. In the end, our attempts to hide the "flaws" we had only hurt each other. Just as how it was not my intention to hurt or lie to him about mine, I was able to understand his truths.

It was strange that when it came to Khael, I did not see them as flaws. I was easily able to move past them. I was more concerned of the years he kept everything to himself with no one beside him. His cold, intimidating demeanor in front of everyone was a mere mask. While he was so gentle and kind to me, I wondered if there was truly a time where his heart was at rest.

It occurred to me that I also did not even ask or attempt to know. Although he says all he needed was for me to stay by him, what good would that be if we did not try to break this barrier between us. We would be together but at times feel so alone, while having this fear of getting caught of what we hid from each other. We would no longer have to worry about such things anymore.

He had this look on face that made me want to reach out to him. I wished he would be free of any worries when he was with me because that was what he always did for me. I didn't know how to express these feelings of mine. Things that seemed so easy for him. Perhaps it wasn't at all.

But I wanted to try. I gathered up the courage and hoped my words would reach him.

"You told m-me that my past d-does not matter to you. T-That your love r-remains the same..."

I briefly lowered my eyes as I said these words.

"T-That is how I f-feel about you."

So there is no reason for you to make that face because of me.

Khael

Her cheeks were slightly flushed in pink, not being able to look at me properly. It was a first for her to ever express herself about me. It was unfortunate to have her say this to me simply because she did not want to force me to say anything else.

"That isn't so fair is it?"

Her eyes were now focused on mine, wondering what I meant.

"I've planned to express my love for you first."

"B-But you a-always do."

"I guess I can't help myself...I fall in love with you everyday, Lilith."

My eyes lowered to her hands when I noticed her little fidgets again. They were now scrunching the sides of her dress. They were so tight to the point her knuckles grew white.