The Way Things Are (Gerard Way)

Kelli

I woke up, my eyes Red and Puffy from crying my self to sleep. Mack died Tuesday and its now Thursday morning. I tried to keep myself strong, But last night, it finally hit me. She died because I couldn't talk to her that day. If I talked to her, maybe she would still be alive. She promised me she wouldn't....but I wasn't enough.

I got out of bed, making my way to the bathroom. I didn't feel like taking a shower, so i just put my hair up in a ponytail.  I did my best to cover up my under eye bags and red eyes with make up, but it didn't work to well. But it was definitely less obvious.

I made my way to work. It would be my 4th session with Gerard today. Yesterday he pissed me off.
He said if i got rid of the jacket, he'd talk. Well, i did that. And yesterday, all he said was "maybe tomorrow." What a Jerk.
And not to mention that little stunt he pulled in the recreation room. I mean, did his breath that close to my ear send chills down my back. Maybe. And did him being that close make my stomach do flips. Maybe. But it can't happen again. It wont.

Walking into HollyHill, i was met by None other than Hayley Williams. She had her Orange hair pulled up in a ponytail. "Kelli! Guess what!" She said as soon as she saw me.

"What?!" I asked. Oh God...did another one of my old patients die? OH NO! Did Gerard die?!?

"I got a new boyfriend!" She said, a bright smile coming across her face.

I let put a relived sigh. "Im happy for you, Hayley!" I said, giving her a little hug.

"Thanks! Hes sooo sweet! His name is Kellin and he's in a band!" She said.

"Didn't peg your for someone that was into musicians.." i told her.

"Im not, normally. But kellin is so cute and sweet. You'll meet him at my party." She said. She checked her watch. "Shit. I have to go help Pete transfer Klaus. He tried to overdose again." She said before walking away. When isn't Klaus trying to overdose? (AN: Umbrella academy joke lmao)

After finishing Lunch, it was about time to go to my session with Gerard. I made my way to our room. When i got there I opened the door to find him already there.

He whipped his head to me when i entered. He studied my face as he made his way to me. He stepped towards me. I swear, if he pins to the wall again, i will ki—

"Why have you been crying? And clearly not sleeping?" He suddenly asked. "And you didn't shower. Your hairs never up."

I looked at him, stunned he noticed all this. I didn't reply, because honestly, I didn't know what to say.
How did he know all this?!

"A-are you depressed?" He asked with a concerned look, taking another step to me. He had genuine worry in his eyes. What was happening?!?

"I-its nothing." Is all i said, walking to my chair. I sat and started arranging my papers. Well, they were already arranged, i just wanted an excuse to seem too busy to talk.

Gerard came and sat across from me, leaning forward and putting his elbows on the table as he studied me. "Did something happen?" He asked.

Yes. Something did happen. Im a failure and nothing i do will ever make a difference. "No" i said.

He rolled his eyes. "You're lying, Kelli. Tell me."

I snapped. "Why do you care?! Just stop and let's move on with our session so i can go home!" I wasn't angry at him. Honestly. I just had anger and it just chose that moment to come out.
And, it couldn't have chose a worse time. Because i cry when im angry.

Gerards eyes went a bit wide. "Dont cry. God, im sorry. We can just move on." He said, trying his best to fix everything.

Why was he being so nice?!
"No. Its fine." I said, wiping my eyes on my sleeve. "One of my old patients committed suicide the other day and she promised me she wouldn't and now i feel like its my fault." I explained, trying to stop the waterfalls coming from my eyes.

He looked uncomfortable. Like he didn't know how to comfort me. "Im sorry. It wasn't your fault." He said finally. Then he reached across the table grabbing my hand. I was to stunned to react. This was wrong. But why did my hand in his feel so right?

He gently rubbed the back of my hand with his thumb. I had completely stopped crying the second he touched me. Probably because i was so shocked.
So now we just sat there, basically holding hands while staring at each other. His hands were surprisingly soft.

This was wrong. I shouldn't be enjoying this. Stop it! I need to stop this. I pulled my hand away, immediately missing the soft warmth of his hands. I saw his facial expression immediately change.
"I-im ok. But we need to continue this session." I said, trying to get things back on track. I was getting too attached.

"What ya wanna know?" He asked, leaning back in his chair.

"What was your childhood like?" I asked him. "Do you have any siblings?"

"I had a brother. My parents were never around much, and i was bullied in school. Anything else?" He said in one breath.

"Uhh.." i stammered. That was a real straight forward answer. "You said 'had ' a brother. What happened to him?"

His face went dark. "He was killed by my best friend..."

"T-the best friend you killed?" I asked.

He gave me a glare. "I supposedly Killed. I don't remember anything from that night." He mumbled.

"Right. The Police found you at the murder scene, High, Drunk, and with the knife in your hands.....and you didn't do it." I whispered to myself sarcastically, but he heard me.

If looks could kill, id be dead. "You don't know what your talking about!" He seethed "I didn't kill him!" He stood and basically kicked his chair across the room. Then he took the table and pushed it out of the way, pulling me up and pushing me against the wall. "Dont talk about things you know nothing about." He practically spat in my face.

My eyes were wide with fear, tears threatening to spill from my eyes, but I stopped them. "Let me go." I whispered, My voice stern. He had his hands on my shoulders, pushing on them. It really hurt.

He scoffed. "Or what? Huh? Gonna ship me to the looney bin? Well, news flash, Kelli, im already here!"

"Im sorry. I didn't mean it... just let me go. Your hurting me..." i said, a single tear going down my flushed cheeks. I kept my face hard as stone, though. I wouldn't let him know he was scaring me. Even though i was terrified. Last time a patient got this close to me.....

His eyes softened. He let go, walking across the room, leaning across the opposite wall and slowly sliding down it while he put his head in his hands. "Im sorry. Just, leave." He said.

"Gerard. Its fine. We can-"

"Get out!!" He shouted as he lifted his head to look at me, face red and tears in his eyes.

I did as he said.