The Way Things Are (Gerard Way)

Kelli

We got bus tickets that lead to New York. Thankfully, it wasn't too much money. I had more money in my bank account, and i had just enough cash for both of us a ticket.
I would get more out of my bank, but the withdrawal would show up on the records.

Gerard and I made our way to the back row, slinging out duffles in the overhead rack before sitting down. I got the window seat, thankfully. I liked looking out the window.

Gerard sighed as he sat beside me, his eyes closed and his head laid back against the seat. "I know you were wondering..." he muttered, opening his eyes slightly to look at me.

I shot him a confused look. "About what?"

"The kiss." He said quietly, avoiding my eyes.

I felt my face go hot at the thought of it. "Oh" I replied. "Not really. I know you only did it so the police officer wouldn't see our faces." I said simply. Part of my wished it was far deeper than that, but i know I'm foolish to wish that.

He nodded. "Oh Okay." Is all he replied, closing his eyes back.

I sighed as I looked out the window, the outside world flowing past us like a slideshow. I couldn't help but think about the kiss. The way his lips felt. I was definitely shocked at first, but i melted into his touch. And I hated that he did this to me. I hated that i was so stupid that i keep falling for these people who never love me back.
But who can blame them? Im nothing! Im not special in anyway. Im just a pathetic psychiatrist who falls for her mental patients.

I wiped my eyes a bit as tears threatened to fall due to my thoughts. I dont need to dwell on this too long. I know that if i do, the darkness will swallow me completely. I couldn't let that happen. Not again.

I wished my sister was here. She was always good at making the bad thoughts go away. But she wasn't here. She never will be. Never again.

"Kelli?" I looked at Gerard, his eyes full of concern. "What's wrong?" He asked. He had his full attention on me.

Shit. I quickly wiped away the tears that had somehow escaped my eyes. "Nothing" i lied. "Just the stress."

Gerard looked at me skeptically. "You sure?" He asked, reaching over and taking my hand. His hands were so warm. I loved it. It made me feel much better.

"Yes. Thats all." I replied, locking eyes with him. He knew i was lying, but he didn't say anything. All he did was spread his arms. I smiled softly as I hugged him, melting into him. He wrapped his arms around me, rubbing my back slowly.
He began humming a song, the sound sending a peace down to my soul Ive never experienced. I felt my eyes start to close, myself drifting off.

The last thing I heard was Gerard humming an unknown tune into my ear.

                                   ☾♫♫♫☽

I was in a place that was completely white. Everything, except a black hole in the floor. A pit?
I walked to it, peering inside. The darkness of the pit seemed to seep all the color away from the rest of this strange world i was in. The only thing in this world was black and white. No grey.

I leaned in towards the pit, looking down it. It looked deep. Practically bottomless.

"Kelli."

I looked behind me. Gerard was standing behind me, a smirk on his face. His dark hair was framing his face, his eyes piercing my own.

"What is this place?" I asked, looking around our white surroundings.

"Not sure." He replied simply, taking a step towards me. He stared at me, nothing in his eyes. They looked dead. Empty. "Its as boring as you are, though."

I shot a look at him, his face hard as stone. Did he mean what he said? I still sat at the edge of the pit, leaning over it, trying to see in it. Maybe i can ignore his remark.

"You're pathetic." Gerard said, taking a another step towards me. He was now 5 feet away, and i felt uneasy about it. "You actually believe I could love YOU?" I felt my heart shatter. "You are worthless, Kelli May, and I hate you."

I met his eyes and they were cold. No love or compassion in them. No remnants of the Gerard i knew, of the Gerard i loved. "W-what?"I stammered.

He scoffed. "You can't even speak clearly." He said, while another step he took towards me. "I hate you." He said. He took another step. He was right behind me now. His hands grasped my shoulders. "I hope you die down there." He said simply. Cold. That was what he was. Cold.

A force pushed me. Gerard pushed me. I went tumbling into the black pit. I stole one last glimpse at the man behind me. And it was no longer Gerard. It was Ronnie.

Darkness swallowed me.

ꨄꨄꨄꨄ

I jerked awake. A light sweat was beaded along my forehead, the normal signs when you have a bad nightmare. Because thats what that was...a nightmare. Right?

I looked to my left. Gerard was asleep. It was dark outside. We should be at our destination soon.

Ronnie and HollyHill will never find us here. Me and Gerard could change our names or something. It would be simple.

But my mind went back to my dream. The coldness in Gerards words. His empty eyes.
I realized the scariest thing about that dream wasn't Ronnie appearing....it was Gerards words. It was Gerard pushing me down the pit. Not Ronnie.  That terrified me.

Gerard wasn't like Ronnie though, i had to remind myself. Gerard was sweet and kind.

Ronnie was like that at one point.

No! Ronnie is nothing like Gerard. I cant believe that. I couldn't.

I laid my head against the window and soon fell asleep to the sound of rain hitting the window.

I didn't dream again.