More than just a friend || Roger Taylor

16- It's all just a dream

1st April 1978

"Oh hun... you don't look good. Not at all." Connie frowned, stood in front of the door with her arms waiting to hug me and eyes trying to observe as much as they could. "I'm sorry."

"Don't say sorry. There's nothing that can change what happened." I shrugged a little, peeling the door back further to watch her frame walk through it. Her arms wrapped around me the second the handle left my grasp, catching me by a slight surprise before letting my arms crawl around her.

"Have you even slept ? Or showered ? Or eaten ?"

"No, no, and no." I huffed, chuckling only slightly when she pulled her self back and gently shook her head. "I'm fine though Connie... it was hardly a long lived love. It was a literal affair. With apparently no feelings behind it at all."

"It just... it doesn't make sense. Being with that french lass I get... but using you for a shag can't be true. You two were so wrapped up in one another." She replied sympathetically, her smile not sat how I hoped it would've been. But I knew part of what she was saying was right, because really after everything we did do together I did think I was more to him than another girl to sleep with.

"Yeah... I thought that. But I don't know anymore. For all I know everything he's ever said to me is a lie. I really did think he was different. A nice guy who wasn't selfish and didn't need to sleep with someone else. But turns out I was the someone else. And I didn't even know."

"Jesus Christ. You gotta stop thinking about it... it's not your fault. Just... try and take your mind of it. Did you want something to eat ? I'll even make you your favourite- peanut butter sarnie." I shook my head frantically, the thought instantly kicking off the memories of me and him giggling and smiling in his kitchen.

"No thanks... I might try and get some sleep. I just can't stop thinking about her. I mean... do you think she even knows about it ? I've had so many people find someone else, and that shit hurts, and now I've done it to her."

"Yeah but you didn't know. It's not your fault- it's his." Connie reassured me again, watching as I fell onto the sofa and pulled a blanket over myself. I'd struggled to sleep last night, only because my head was so consumed by every little thought it could be I didn't even know how to fall asleep.

Everything was so sudden. Only two nights prior to the article he was telling me he loved me and that we were gonna tell the world about us. It didn't make sense. I'd had the one thing I was so heavily addicted to snatched from me, which inevitably left me on the dreaded come down. The blur of days that I couldn't pull apart, the spinning of my mind than wouldn't stop, and the tears that hurt to roll down my cheek.

"Don't let it get to you. Focus on your job or something... maybe now would be a good chance to go into acting. Only for a distraction. But just... don't fucking drink yourself to death. Find a better distraction than vodka. Please Addy." She almost pleaded, her frame preparing to leave the door I felt as if it had only just entered. I nodded slightly, partly agreeing with her. But only the part about me needing a distraction. Acting was still a no.

"I love you. But let me sleep." We both laughed a little, the door closing quietly behind her. I slumped down against the sofa, cold and almost lonely, of course missing the feeling of the arms that held more than just me. I had no idea what to do. I was stuck. And confused. And so fucking tired.

-

Now it wasn't necessarily a shock, but I did wind up stood at Charlie's back door in a pair of joggers and undeniably the same jumper I'd stolen from Roger not even a week ago. I knocked the door loudly, hoping the bar wasn't too crammed, and hoping desperately the drummer I needed to avoid didn't have the same idea I did.